Rannard Crawley - Family Court Strategist / Certified Family Mediator - BE PREPARED!! || DPTSP #159

[00:00:00] Today's guest knows firsthand what it means to rebuild because he's lived it. Rannard Crawley is the founder and CEO of Crawley Mediation Services, LLC, and a certified juvenile and domestic relations district court and circuit court mediator through the Supreme Court of Virginia. Born in inner city Richmond, he grew up splitting time between two homes, an experience that taught him early with successful co-parenting demands.

[00:00:25] And we're going to talk about co-parenting for sure. He's been a young father in college, worked ten dollars an hour job, retail job, after earning his computer science degree and clawed his way up to a six-figure IT leadership career managing teams over 70. Before following his true passion, helping people find peace and resolve conflict with nearly 20 years of experience navigating family court both professionally and personally.

[00:00:49] Rannard's motto says it all. An attorney can't guarantee you a win in your case, but he can guarantee you that you'll be prepared. Please welcome a proud girl, dad, coach, and problem solver, Rannard Crawley. Welcome to the show, sir. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Man, I pre-interviewed was the bomb diggity. Tell my viewers and my listeners a little bit about yourself.

[00:01:13] So, so a little bit about me. You gave a lot of information starting off, but I'm 40, I'm 43 years old. I will be 44 years young in October next month. I have four children. My eldest, my oldest son, my oldest is, my son is, he's 22 years old. So I got a 22 year old, 14 year old, five year old, three year old.

[00:01:40] So I have four children, my girl, dad, as you mentioned, I'm a coach. I'm an educator. I'm a certified mediator. And I love helping people. That is, I've been through also more importantly about the show is I've been through divorce. I actually went through a contested divorce, which means that I had to go to court, not mediation, but we went to court.

[00:02:06] So I know firsthand about what you, you go through going through a separation and divorce, especially when you have young children, which is very difficult. And again, thank you for having me. I think that this would be a good show that we, I could talk about some of my experiences, some of the things that I use that help, help myself cope through the separation. Thank you again.

[00:02:33] So you grew up living in two separate homes as a kid, looking back as an adult and a father, what did your parents get right? And what did they miss? What did they get right? Was the love that my mom and dad showed me. They always put myself and my brother priority, whether that be cooking, cooking for us, going out of their way, making sure they provide. They both did that, even when they were separated.

[00:03:00] And my dad lived 20, 20 miles away from where my mother moved. She moved to another location. But my dad used to always be involved throughout the week. Never was a weekend. Dad always was present. He coached me throughout my elementary, middle school years up until I went to high school and played sports.

[00:03:20] My dad, a little bit about my dad, his car broke down and he rode a bike from Richmond to Chesterfield, which is about 30 mile wide. Wow. And he used to ride that. His car was broke down for two months at the time.

[00:03:39] And that's another memory that stands out for me because it showed how much my dad truly cared about me and what he was willing to sacrifice and do to be present for me. And that was, I would say that was definitely the love they had for me. Now, some of the mistakes, I would say that as my mom and I think part of the reason why they got divorced is my dad was a ladies' man.

[00:04:09] And so I seen when I was with my dad on occasions, when I would stay with him, he just liked talking to women. And that kind of, as I got older, I think, I think that kind of, my dad had multiple women. Why can't I? And the people that he was around, the same thing.

[00:04:29] And I think that was something that, I think that was something that for me was, that kind of stuck with me is, that's not, I laying down later, sooner, no, later down the road. That's not something I want to do. I want to be, I want to be with one person. I want to settle down. But when you growing up like that, it's very difficult to kind of not do that way. Right. You're a woman. And my dad, he's just like women. He's loved women. And I'm a school. Same with my dad too.

[00:04:58] So the upbringing, right? My upbringing. I think that was something that I thought it was fine having multiple women and talking to different women. And I think that was something that I wish it was, I got more education on that as far as talking to him and he'll tell me about things. But I just thought it was normal because everybody that was in his circle was doing that. And they were nice people. They wasn't, they wasn't doing any, any, any type of crime. Just revolving. Just revolving.

[00:05:27] I had the girlfriend here. I had a girlfriend here. Just had women. It wasn't anything else outside of that going on. But again, as I got older, I thought it was fine. Which those were the two things that really stood out to me. So you went from inner city, Richmond to a six-figure leadership career. What was the turning point that changed your trajectory? I will say during that time, I had children. That was, I had my son. I also had my daughter.

[00:05:57] And I had a, I think for me was, I didn't like living check to check. I always had high aspirations and goals for myself. That it, I couldn't, I was making minimum. I think I was making $40,000 a year. I was barely making ends meet. I was working hard. And I just felt that I got to do something else. Because I always had the drive.

[00:06:25] I always had the work ethic. It's just a matter of, I need to put myself in a different position. What I started getting mentors. Mentors are very helpful to my trajectory. I had my supervisor at the time when I was at Bon Secours. Three, I was one of his best employees. He said, you always came on time. I always was something. I always had great numbers. I was at the help desk. Had a high closing rate. I always be first. My first car resolution rate was very high. He always asked me, what do you want?

[00:06:55] Excuse me. He said, what do you want to do with your life? I said, honestly, I'm not sure. But what you doing, I think I could do. You're a leader. I was a leader before when I was at Finish Line. I had five directs under me. I was young. And I can make more money. And I'm good with people. So I thought, and then he said he would love to mentor me. And I took that on. And I started mentoring with him. Going to interviews. Seeing his day-to-day.

[00:07:22] And then I was taking classes, leadership classes, to improve my skill set. Along with going to public speaking. Articulating myself. And I think this is something I want to do. And I took that opportunity. And it actually got me into an interview where I was still in a help desk position. To where a leadership opportunity came about within the company. And I was hired over people that had manager experience.

[00:07:52] And I think because I was already prepping myself for that role. So when it came, I was already prepared for it. But that kind of led to me, the mentorship. The fact that I had children. I had responsibilities. And I did not like where I was at in my life. The money was... I was good. I was making crumbs. So that was part of the drive for me to... Along with having children and having mentors was...

[00:08:20] It was part of me trying to, you know, get to something. Get to the aspirations that I always wanted to become. Making... It wasn't really about making six figures. It was about being... Not being financial freedom. Not having to worry about budgeting. Going from not budgeting. It's still a budget. But just... It was... I had more money than I had access to. Opposed to live and check this check. So that was, again, that was part of the reason why I wanted that. So you were a young father while still in college.

[00:08:47] What did that season of pressure teach you about responsibility that no classroom ever could? So that's a great question. For me, about me being a young father, I had to really manage my time. Because, yeah, I had class. I had to make sure... Because I wanted to spend time with him. Because at the time, my son was in Virginia. I'm in North Carolina, which is a three-hour commute. And then I was also playing football as well.

[00:09:17] So I was trying on the weekends. I would come down to Richmond. She would come up to see me during the week if she could. Or she'll come on the weekend. But it taught me a lot. It taught me how to manage my time. It taught me how to... What was my priorities? And my priorities, again, having a father that was there for me throughout my life. Never made any excuses. That was me. I told myself that I have a child. I'm going to be present. I'm going to do whatever I can to ensure that my child doesn't go without.

[00:09:47] And I spend time with him. And this prioritizing. Also my time management. Also just the grit, the grind. A lot of people couldn't understand me because they didn't have children in school. My teachers. Sometimes I might be in class sleep because I came home Friday. After practice, I got home probably 9 or 10 o'clock. Spent time with my son. I left it Monday morning at 2 a.m. So I can get to class by 7.

[00:10:16] And I'm tired, right? And my teachers couldn't really understand that. I didn't want to know. I didn't want to be a charity case to where, you know, okay, making excuses. But I was trying to juggle everything. And it taught me. I didn't get a lot of opportunities when I was in college because, again, I was playing football. I was trying to be a dad. And I didn't get the internships, right? I didn't get my grades. I graduated with a 2.8, 2.9. I won't honor those students. Some classes I would get A's. And I was really good at math.

[00:10:46] But I really had to work for everything. I realized early on that nobody's going to give me anything. I got to earn everything that I get. And I want to be an example for my son. And so that was kind of the drive that made me really hone in on being I wanted to be a father, right? And it was I didn't want to make any excuses, whether that be I was doing work study. I was playing football. I was a full-time student.

[00:11:16] And I was a dad. And I was juggling all of those while 21, 22 years old. So throughout the whole time I was in college until I graduated, 23, almost 23. So I was just, I just wanted it. I wanted to be, I was excited to have my son. And regardless of the relationship I had with my ex, I wanted to be present for my child and do everything. For her not to have to worry about anything, even though I'm not there physically every day.

[00:11:43] So that was just putting them first and making, just prioritizing as well. So you play football from high school through college. What specific lessons from the field, discipline, teamwork, leadership do you use today in your mediation rooms? So football, again, I've been playing since grade school. I've been playing football. So teamwork, right? Teamwork is very important.

[00:12:10] Being able to be a team player, helping other people out, listening to other people, being a captain on the team, leading by example. When I'm working with people now, today when I'm doing mediation or if I'm doing family court navigation, that time that I, or those lessons that I learned being on the field, being a, being a captain, being a teammate. It helps me be able to work with people, being an understanding, being an active listener.

[00:12:39] Those are the same things that I had to do when I was, when I was a teammate. And when I was a captain, I had to listen. Again, leading by example. You can't tell somebody to do something you haven't done. So I'm a very true believer of, why can you tell me to do something? You walked in my shoes. So for me, that resonates when I'm working with my clients because I've been there. I've been to court. I've been to mediation. I've been, I hired, I spent thousands, really wasted thousands on attorneys. I've represented myself independently and been successful.

[00:13:08] So all of these things go back to my experience, really when I was playing football, where I was able to be a leader. I was able to be, when I wasn't a leader, being a teammate, being able to know that you win games, sometimes you lose. How do you handle adversity? How do you handle loss? Talking parents and spouses through those type of difficult times that they're going through, things that I did, right? What helped me through it?

[00:13:39] And then a lot of it was football. I go back to that because the resilience, losing a game or not being a starter. When I started, I wasn't a starter. I had to earner. I was third string. Walked my way from third string to first string. And coach is telling you that I don't think you're going to play much. I really don't think your abilities are there. I had to go prove them wrong.

[00:14:03] And, again, taking that back to the table when I'm meeting with clients or talking to people or talking to spouses, it's you're going through a difficult time. How do you handle it? Somebody that can listen to you. Somebody that can kind of give you a path forward and a plan. Zen mode. Going to the gym. Taking walks. Having been able to vent. Going to your laptop. Stop journaling. A lot of things that I did that helped me through my situation, I provide that same information.

[00:14:32] And even the mistakes that I made to people to help them out, to avoid those same things. So, again, I learned a lot of that, especially through football. From A to Z, I would say. Your motto is that attorneys can't guarantee a win, but you can guarantee men will be prepared. What does prepared actually mean in practical terms? So, prepared can mean so many things.

[00:15:00] But for Crawley Mediation Services, preparation is education. Okay. Which educations? I'm giving you information about whatever your case may be. Whether it's custody, visitation, child support, divorce, separation, even spousal support. All of those, anything regarding family. I'm just talking specifically about family. Those are the families that I help. But preparation is just making sure you can make an informed decision.

[00:15:28] You can't make an informed decision if you don't have all the appropriate information, all the facts of the case, and more importantly, the education. So, a lot of times, people, when they're hiring attorneys, the attorneys do not want to provide that education or the information to you because, again, you're billable hours. Right? They want to try to make as much money as they can.

[00:15:54] If they educate you and you learn in the whole process, why do they need an attorney? For me, that's why I'm an advocate. I'm a family advocate. But preparation is important because nobody, even like that, I can't guarantee an outcome if you got to go before a judge, an attorney can. But as far as your preparation go, you can be prepared. Again, going back to spending time, preparation is not three hours, right?

[00:16:22] It goes much deeper than that because it's something that can take you a long period of time. When you kind of have an inkling or you feel like you may be going to court, that is the time you need to start educating yourself. That is the time where you need to start learning the process and also strategizing what is important, what's not important information, what's meaningful evidence, what's not.

[00:16:44] Knowing how to articulate yourself to the judge, knowing, again, that goes back to me, just helping people out with the strategy when they're going, if they have to go for a family court matter. And that's why I come in with my experience is helping them prepare, right? What questions they ask, how to answer questions, what information is valid, what information is relevant for their situation.

[00:17:09] All of that encompasses preparation because if you're prepared, you can get, you have the likelihood of getting a more favorable outcome than not. So just imagine being prepared and you do have an attorney. Now you can, you're not just getting advised by the attorney. Now you can say, I think we might want to go about it this way. I understand what you're communicating to me now. This is why. And we talk about the why behind it. That's the most important piece.

[00:17:38] Understanding the why. Why are we doing this? Again, a lot of times, especially when I was going through my situation, other people will go through that. A lot of people go behind attorneys and going through their situation. They don't understand the why. Around that, I make sure you understand a why before we move forward. And again, that also is encompasses separation. So one, this is a two-part.

[00:18:04] What's the most common mistake men make walking into family court unprepared? And what are some of the common misconceptions men have about family court? Okay. Okay. So the first question you said, what is the common mistakes about being unprepared? They don't educate themselves. That's the first thing. They do not educate themselves. They don't learn the process. They don't come with any paperwork.

[00:18:31] They just think and they try to wing it, which is the worst thing you can do. Because if you got to go before the judge, he's expecting not just the testimony, but evidence to be presented. That's the expectation when you go into family court. Now, it's also is they just don't. Again, I think the number one common mistake is the education and don't have the information, which means they're unprepared.

[00:19:01] Or they're so bitter or they're so upset they may not even appear. So a lot of times, some people may not even appear at their hearing because they just don't, they just want to be done with it. Right. They just don't want to even move forward with the process. And like she did, I don't want to be, or they don't want to give up their rights because it's so much dealing with the other person that they don't even want to move forward. But again, I think the number one is the education and information.

[00:19:31] It's all kind of encompasses, again, them being unprepared. Yeah, they just don't, they just don't know what they don't know and don't want to learn the process or waiting to the last minute to try to gather some stuff together. And then they go before the judge and they scramble them with papers. They got you. They want papers out on the wall. They can't find the paper they want to present. Don't know what they're going to say. Again, that's part of being, those are the common mistakes. Just waiting to the last minute. Education, which is, again, in turn, not having information.

[00:20:00] Those are the two common mistakes. And then the other one you said was the misconceptions about family courts. So family court, a lot of times people, especially men, even like family court and mediation. So a lot of times when I'm, when people think of, when I say, and they say mediation, they think of family court. They think where, oh, okay, mediation. I don't want to go to mediation. I'm just going to go to court.

[00:20:30] They don't know that it is different. It is very different. It's vastly different. Whereas it was two parts. It's two parts of mediation. Family mediation, court-referred mediation. But either with both of them, both mediation sessions typically don't happen in a courthouse. They happen outside a courthouse. They happen, like it happened in a library, conference room, somebody's office space. So it's a totally different setting. Right?

[00:20:58] And people tie mediation and family court all the same. They think that's the same thing, which is not. That's a very common misconception that people have. So when you bring up mediation, I don't want to go to mediation. And I call it the thing I use a lot of times is men are the most reluctant people to do mediation. Or even, I call it a reluctant parent.

[00:21:23] Because again, they have these misconceptions about what mediation is, what family court is. And they don't want to attend. Or they don't want to be a part of the process. And it's just going back to those things. It's just, I would always recommend to them, because I even want to have to reach out and invite them. I give them that information. I let them know that it's vastly different.

[00:21:51] So you're better off actually moving forward mediation opposed to going to court. And people don't realize too that even if you don't reach an agreement and mediation, you can find out each person's position. Some things that you may not have thought about. Right? And somebody clarifies that, the other parent or the spouse clarifies that in the session. For example, let's just say you wanted to, you were set on the parenting time every week.

[00:22:21] Right? And you had an inkling that she wanted to have the child every day. You go on mediation session. And a mediator, good mediator is trying to say, what about giving alternatives that y'all can try to agree on as far as, okay, you want every day, you want week on, week off. I said, what about y'all having a two through two, two, three schedule? How does that work for no? Right? They say mom says no. So mom is stuck on that, on that. Project in time.

[00:22:51] So now you can use that as a strategic move to where, okay, I want week on, week off. How can I get, how can I obtain that going forward? So now you know what mom wants, you know what her position is. So a lot of times it's a, it's a strategy game you can actually do if you don't reach an agreement because you learn a lot about what their positions are. Again, I know that was a long spill, but, but yeah, there's just, those are the common misconceptions.

[00:23:18] They tie a family court in with mediation and it's just, it's, the guy never wins. The men feel that they never, things never go in their favor. That's, that's, those are the two common ones. They tie mediation with family court and they feel like there's no point in me preparing. I'm, the woman's going to win anyway. So that, and that's not true. Maybe not anymore. Not anymore. Yes. Cause fathers can get primary parenting time.

[00:23:47] They can have primary legal and physical custody. They can have joint legal, joint physical. Those is not like that anymore. That is a very big mistake that people make and say, I'm not going to get it anyway. So why would I prepare? And they're against me, but they alienate me. So it's a lot of, those are the two, I think three main things. Well, so you say understanding over argument. Why does trying to win an argument in court often cost men more than they realize?

[00:24:18] So argument. Okay. So when you go into family court, especially obviously family court, yeah. Custody visitation, child support, even going to divorce. If you're trying to argue with the other parent, why you at your hearing, keep in mind, you don't have a lot of time with the judge. He's already assessing everything. Courtroom etiquette. He's assessing the evidence being presented. How you answer questions. Facial expressions. Mannerisms. You've already been assessed with everything.

[00:24:48] And if he sees that you're arguing with her, you're actually giving the judge an indication that this is how you operate when you're outside of court. Which means that if you're looking to get a request granted that you're seeking, that will work. It'd be a disadvantage for you because now you look at like, if I give him this time, this is how you're going. He's going to act like this outside of court.

[00:25:11] So you want to take the approach of being understanding and more importantly, focus on yourself. Focus on your involvement with your child or your children. You want to paint a picture about you. That time, that little bit of time you have, you paint a picture about how you are as a father, your character, your involvement with your child. Showing them pictures about how active you are as a parent. And again, when they have a question for you, you answer it correctly. You don't.

[00:25:41] If you have issues with mom, concerns, difficulties, the way you frame it. You don't want to be argumentative in the family court. That's going to be a disadvantage for you. And then that can be used against you when the judge has to make a ruling because he's going to write it down. Jot that note when he goes back to his judge's chamber and say, this guy was very difficult. This guy was argumentative. If mom is saying that he harasses her, it can be to your detriment being arguing.

[00:26:10] Your best, the best approach would be is to be stoic. You want to be facing, looking at the judge. You don't want to be looking at her, especially if y'all don't have a high conflict. You want to be solely, when you ask a question, you answer the question. You don't give too much information. But again, the goal or the strategy of family court is to focus on yourself and your involvement with your child. And more importantly, especially pertaining to a custody, is the best interest factors of the child.

[00:26:40] That's how all the courts in the United States assess custody. So you want to make sure that you're meeting each of those factors. They barely put it on the state, but it's the same framework, but maybe different language that was used pertaining to the best interest of the child factors. But that is what you focus on and also yourself. I don't care what type of hearing you're going to because you want to talk about how you're trying to co-parent.

[00:27:09] That's how y'all co-parent. What do y'all do if co-parenting doesn't work out as far as y'all come to a disagreement? The judges want to know how you handle those disputes outside of court. You want to show that you made an effort trying to co-parent. You want to show that, again, your involvement with your child, what type of character you have, your stability. Having people maybe write a letter of recommendation or witnesses to speak on your behalf. Those things are important to show.

[00:27:38] More importantly, to the judge, the best interest factors of the child. But who you are. A lot of times people spend argument, they spend, let's say you got a 30-minute hearing, both of y'all get 15 minutes apiece, typically. A lot of times people are so upset with the other person, spend 15 minutes of their hearing talking about the other person. And they took 15 minutes talking about themselves, part of it. Eight, 10 minutes talking about themselves and five minutes talking about you.

[00:28:05] So basically, you can suggest to know anything about you but negative things. So why would you waste your time doing it? That goes back to the strategy, right? You're not going to get a long way being argumentative. It's best to be understanding and take that understanding and focus your time and energy into your own case and your involvement with your child. And showing the judge why it's in the best interest of the child to be with you.

[00:28:34] Or to share time, whatever the request is. But again, the goal is to show who you are as a parent. And again, make sure you hit those factors, the best interest factors of the child. If you're going for custody. Let's talk about co-parenting and fatherhood. As a girl, dad of four, and a grandfather, how does your own fatherhood shape the advice you give to fathers fighting for time with their kids?

[00:29:01] So for me, it goes back further than me having my four children. My son having a dad and me having grandchildren. My dad instilling regardless of whatever you have going on. And he showed me, I guess he used to ride a bike 20, 30 minutes when his car broke down. Just to be at practice and spend time with me. So that lesson or that example was, for me, is when I had children on my own, is to lead by example. Be present.

[00:29:31] It's not about money. Emphasize this to not just fathers, but parents or mothers and general parents. That me being a present father, me coaching my children, taking them to school, helping them with homework, being a grandfather. All of that helps me when I'm working with clients that's going through the same situation because I can relate to what they're going through.

[00:29:53] So they're more prone to, or more, I didn't say prone, but more easy, easier to listen to me when I'm giving them information or I'm giving them suggestions to consider because I'm living it. I have actually, I got children of my own and I've, I understand what they're going through. So it really helps me having that personal relatability as far as me having children.

[00:30:18] It's very difficult in my opinion to help someone. How can I understand someone with kids when I don't have kids? It is, I just, it's like almost, I make the comparison of how can you be a personal trainer helping other people get in shape when you're not in shape as the personal trainer.

[00:30:36] So it, for me is, it helps me be able to help people navigate their family disputes when I've actually been through those disputes and I have children of my own and I've been through the same matters in family court as they have.

[00:30:52] So it really, I think that having that relatability, having children of my own is really helpful when working with parents, spouses, because again, been divorced, been separated, been to court. I have that again, going back to just the relatability of it all. Yep.

[00:31:12] So one of my thing was I had a high conflict co-parenting situation and it got to the point where I had to reframe it, that I had, that I love my kids more, that I hated my ex. And that pretty much got through it. So can you speak to that? Oh yes. So me and my, me and my ex-wife, we had difficulties. We, I would consider probably high conflict. We couldn't be in the same room for the most part. We'd do activities together because of children.

[00:31:41] But what helped me regardless of what we did, knowing that I was there for my children, I didn't care what else I can. I didn't have nothing to say. I'll still be present or I'll say something to her like hello or whatever. Me focusing on the kids. Yes, I think to your point is that helped me manage my conflict with her because I want, I love my children.

[00:32:10] If that's what I have to do, I'm willing to do that and willing to not let that interfere with anything. And I separated the two as best as I could. But when we have our issues, if this question of me and you, you have to talk through that and we'll go through the proper channels to try to get that resolved.

[00:32:31] But when it came to the kids, I used to, even when I used to go places, if I had to by myself to be with them or she had whomever with her or she was by herself, it didn't never bother me being there alone because I was with my children. And then when I always focus on that, rather than when we were going through the divorce, the separation, we had difficulties. The children was what I always came back to, which helped me out. And it sounds like for you too, it helps you as well.

[00:32:59] It helped me just stay grounded because that was the purpose for me, just my children. Yeah. I look back on it and as long as you stay children-centered and their best thing, it really helps. So you've traveled the world. How does getting out of your environment help a man, help you rebuild your perspective after divorce? I travel, yeah, I've been a lot of places. I've been to Brazil. I've been to Canada. I've been to Panama. I've been to Europe.

[00:33:29] I've been to Costa Rica. I've been a lot of places. So what helps me, especially when I was going through my separation and divorce, it made me kind of see how other people are in other countries. And it allowed me time to reset, get away from everything, get some time for myself. That alone time, I think, is very important when you're going through a separation or divorce, even going to a breakup, right?

[00:33:56] Being able to be alone, that's what it taught me when I was traveling to those different countries. And it made me kind of, again, allow me to come back with a different mentality. Because when you're always in the space of conflict, you're going through the whole situation. It's present there. Getting out of that on occasion, it's helpful so you can reset, so you can kind of get back.

[00:34:18] I used to go to these places sometimes to sleep or I take a walk or I go to the museum just to get away to kind of get my thoughts together or journal. When I come back, almost like a new person. And I think it helped me manage the situation much better. Again, I had the kids, so when I didn't have them, a little bit of time, I might go on a trip for a day or two or whatever I needed to do to just get away.

[00:34:41] But I think the traveling really helped me be able to reset my mind. Also realize that it's good to be alone, right? Being alone and gathering your thoughts so you can come back and handle the situation better. Or things that you may not have been doing, right? You can go back and when you're alone, you think about some of those things. You know what? Maybe I can handle it this way. Maybe I can do this.

[00:35:09] But when you're in it on a constant basis, then you got keys. You got to do all. Sometimes some things that you might be doing may not be right. But when you get that chance to reset, I think that's what the traveling helped me do, to reset and get my thoughts together. And also helped me when I was going through my contested divorce. Helped me really strategize what I needed to do. Because being in it is, again, it can be nerve-wracking. It can be overwhelming.

[00:35:38] And not having a lot of time for yourself is tough too. So, again, having that time where you are alone, whether that be going on a vacation out of the country or going somewhere outside of your norm, I think it's really good for people to do that. I think it helps out tremendously. And lastly, what's the one piece of advice you want to give to my men out there that are getting ready to go into mediation? And I know the answer to this one.

[00:36:07] What's the one piece of advice? Or I would say advice. Strategic approach going into mediation is that, and this is something I did not know. You can reach agreements if the other parent or spouse and y'all have a high conflict situation in separate rooms, in separate buildings.

[00:36:29] Because you can, for example, you can be in, I can have one parent in one room, in a conference room, and I can have another parent in the opposite side of the building in another conference room. And the mediator shuttles back and forth to reach an agreement. So you can reach an agreement without being in the same room as a person you do not like. Which I wish I would have known that a long time ago.

[00:36:58] It would have turned down the heat. I'm sorry, is that? Do you think it turns down the heat a little bit? Absolutely. Because there's a lot of personal feelings involved. There's a lot of personal feelings involved when you, especially you're going through anything regarding children, anything regarding y'all been together, relationship-wise, disputes. It raises the temperature down. And now a good mediator can help you y'all come to terms and allow you all to also give you information.

[00:37:28] If y'all both in the same room and one person's talking and you feel like they're trying to stab you in the back or you're trying to, you know, oh, he's making me feel uncomfortable. Or he's saying things or he's saying things about me that are not true. And they're going back and forth. So now we're not being productive. We're wasting time. And now we're not going to be able to reach no agreement. When you separate them, you lower the temperature. Now you're able to both. I can talk to them individually.

[00:37:54] And then, okay, this is how you, okay, I'm going to bring that back over and see how she feels about that. And she said, I can't do this, but I can do this. And they reached an agreement without even being in the same room. But again, that takes a good mediator to be able to perform that type of action. But a lot of people do not know that. And that's not something that's on the news or communicated to the masses. I knew that because the training that I went through to become a certified mediator.

[00:38:23] So that is the number one thing I would say is you can reach agreements and do not have to be in the same room. Do not have to be able to virtually, you can be in break rooms, separate break rooms. You do not have to be in the same room at all to reach an agreement in mediation. That is what I would tell y'all. Wow. Okay. All right, sir. I'm going to title this one with a passionate mediator.

[00:38:49] And also family court strategist. That's family court strategist slash certified family mediator. All right. Yes, sir. Where can the people find you on the internet? They can find me on, they can go to my website. It's crawledimediation services.org. You can find me on all of the social media platforms. You can find me on TikTok. You can find me on YouTube. You can find me on Instagram.

[00:39:19] And I can provide that to you as well, David. I'll have the show notes. Okay. All right, sir. I appreciate that. This was fun. Thank you, sir. Free the post. The post is coming up here soon. I appreciate your time hanging out with us Friday, but hold on the line, sir. Thank you very much.