Visualizing your better, higher self - Robb Brooks || Don’t Pick the Scab Podcast #033 || David M. Webb

[00:00:00] Welcome to the DONT PICK THE SCAB PODCAST with the premise of connecting man over 40 with

[00:00:21] the tools and community to thrive in their divorce recovery either before, during or

[00:00:26] after a divorce. Check it out.

[00:00:30] Welcome everybody out there to DONT PICK THE SCAB PODCAST. We have Rob Brooks from Sarasota,

[00:00:37] Florida on the line and he is a divorce recovery. I'm going to say expert but he helps dads

[00:00:45] to move on and be survivors. We're going to talk to Rob about what he does, his website,

[00:00:51] things like that, how he came to be in his space and go from there. Rob, tell us a little bit about

[00:00:57] that and how we talked about how you got to where you are now.

[00:01:00] Rob Brooks Yeah, sure. My name is Rob Brooks. I'm a dad first before everything else. I'm

[00:01:08] a businessman. That's my life. I develop real estate. I'm also what you would call a fractional

[00:01:16] CMO where I help other companies expand their sales and their revenues. That being said,

[00:01:22] I wrote two books on the subject of divorce, especially what I call post-divorce mail meltdown

[00:01:28] mode which happens, which is something that I found that happens to men after divorce that

[00:01:32] their lives just completely melt down. As I found myself, I was stuck, emasculated and just

[00:01:38] melted down and I find that happens to a lot of dudes. So I helped guys overcome that

[00:01:44] and I also wrote a book on how to make your greatest comeback now. So it focuses on how to

[00:01:48] make a comeback in life and specifically a very big traumatic event like divorce have

[00:01:54] been really affected you bad as if you're interested in this and you're on this podcast,

[00:01:59] that's you, that's me, that's all of us here. And thank you David for doing this because

[00:02:03] it's definitely a platform that many people need to hear about and learn about because they're

[00:02:08] affected by this. And so yeah, so that's my story and like most people the divorce turned into

[00:02:18] you have the love of your life, you're married, you're happy, everything's good,

[00:02:21] things go south or you maybe go through a rough patch whatever happens but then the divorce

[00:02:26] itself in my case it went completely nuclear. It was a nuclear battle, it was a nuclear war

[00:02:31] and it just left me wrecked, devastated, battered and tattered and all that stuff and I was just

[00:02:36] a shell of my former self afterwards. And so yeah, so struggling to pick up the pieces,

[00:02:43] struggling to be a great dad, I thought I was a great dad before after that, you know,

[00:02:47] my kids, you know, the hero kind of fell and you know, that fall from grace and that

[00:02:53] stability to earn money, you'd be successful and we were before all of that it just completely

[00:03:03] fell away from me so I had to figure out how to do all that again at the same time,

[00:03:07] you know, and still be a great dad and just make it through life. So that's kind of the story.

[00:03:12] Wow. What is your mess in your message? I thought that was kind of poignant. What is the mess

[00:03:18] in the message? Yeah, I mean, yeah, so like, so one of the tenets that I figured out

[00:03:24] out of this whole thing was that, you know, in life and it could be anything,

[00:03:27] it doesn't have to be divorce, it could be anything that happens to you in your life,

[00:03:31] your mess can become your message because when you go through something,

[00:03:35] you know, maybe it was your purpose to go through that, show others what you went through and teach

[00:03:39] them how to get through it because there's a whole bunch of people. You're not alone.

[00:03:43] No matter what it is, I'm like, it could be, it could be a physical injury,

[00:03:46] it could be divorce, it could be addiction, it could be 100 other things out there,

[00:03:53] but there's something that could be a sickness, could be physical health sickness,

[00:03:57] it could be cancer, anything. There's something that has been put on to you and that's really

[00:04:02] devastated you and you found a way out, you figured it out, but guess what? There's a bunch of other

[00:04:06] people that they need that same help and they need to figure that out and maybe you are the person

[00:04:10] that had to go through that to make, to give the message out there to people. I promise you

[00:04:14] whatever you're going through, you're not alone and you can help people by sharing your

[00:04:19] shedding your light, sharing your story and going forward and blame you. It wasn't easy for

[00:04:22] me to write these books and talk about my meltdown and all these things that happened to me because

[00:04:27] if you had seen me before all this, you would have thought man, this guy's got life figured out.

[00:04:31] He's got the perfect family, he's got the perfect job, he's got perfect kids, everything looks great.

[00:04:36] You would have never thought that all these things that happened to me and talking about it

[00:04:40] was a hard thing to do. So yeah, so I became my message and that's a flag we all can plan

[00:04:46] on and we can feel better about the mess we're in if we know there's a way out and there's

[00:04:51] a no, we can also help others come out of it. And what ways did your social circle and support

[00:04:57] system change after your divorce or for better or for worse? You know your village so to speak.

[00:05:04] Yeah, yeah my village kind of, yeah I lost my, well okay the core people you know like

[00:05:11] you're my own close family, my best friends from high school, you know I've got the same group

[00:05:16] of five guys, they've been my best friends since high school. Actually we've all known

[00:05:20] each other since first grade. They've been through their thick and thin of everything in life you

[00:05:23] can imagine and the same for me in their lives. So those folks have always been around but the

[00:05:29] new folks that we met along the way, you know in marriage, those you know the friends that you

[00:05:33] know the other couples, the other married folks, they kind of fell by the way. So they

[00:05:39] take a side, they take a side and they picked her and I, you know what I can't blame them,

[00:05:44] you know she's, you know she's softer, you know she's an easier pick so I'm not surprised and

[00:05:51] I'm okay with that now. How did your divorce impact your relationship with your kids and

[00:06:00] how did that help you or hamper you striving to co-parentally efficiently?

[00:06:06] Well I mean yeah it was hard, I mean look I'm a dad first and you know so it was yeah it was

[00:06:15] hard to explain to them what was going on. I also went through and you know like

[00:06:21] you know it's hard to even now, this happened years ago about this is six, seven years ago

[00:06:26] but there was a period of time where my kids were actually kidnapped from me

[00:06:29] and you know and the courts allow it and a lot of folks those because they know what

[00:06:33] I'm talking about they've been through it so I call it a modern day kidnapping getting a

[00:06:37] divorce court family court is a nightmare, I call it the slaughterhouse of men. I write about it on

[00:06:42] my book and that being said I just showed up, I kept showing up, I kept being the best that I could

[00:06:50] and my kids they were young when it happened but they're resilient, they figure it out,

[00:06:54] they figure you know they know so your kids you know no matter what age they know and

[00:06:59] just keep you know my advice is just keep showing up being dads and you know be there

[00:07:06] and it's hard. There were days when I'm just picking them up was hard because

[00:07:10] I just felt like I wasn't successful anymore, I wasn't you know I wasn't the quote unquote superhero,

[00:07:16] life was different what we did was different, my finances really dropped to zero so great

[00:07:22] vacations going out on our boat all the toys were gone all the trips we used to take,

[00:07:27] all the fun stuff was gone so just kind of existing wasn't so much fun and so there were

[00:07:34] some times when I just had meltdowns like on my way to pick my kids up I pull over and just start

[00:07:39] crying and I didn't want to go. Oh my god been there done that oh yeah yeah yeah it's hard

[00:07:46] and there's been other times when I just flat out avoided them all together you know I started

[00:07:52] saying well I can't cut you know we all have that divorced dad schedule though you know Wednesdays

[00:07:56] and every other weekends well I started to avoid a lot of that and you know so and it wasn't

[00:08:02] it wasn't so much because anything about my kids was I hated who I was and I hated who they had to

[00:08:08] see yeah and they never made they never made me felt that way but I knew and it was um man

[00:08:14] just talking about it now really gets me emotional because how did you come how'd you overcome

[00:08:18] that? Time just okay just I'm gonna be honest there was a lot of time I skipped out I mean I

[00:08:26] it looked like you know there was a lot of I mean you know yeah there was a lot of times where I just

[00:08:32] you know I made excuses not to show up and not to go so I mean and and I was in a men's group

[00:08:37] and I was explaining this to a lot of men and I and I was crying like I'm like I imagine we're

[00:08:43] like we're talking on a video but I'm in a group with other guys 40 50 guys I'm crying I

[00:08:47] can't go get them I you know I suck my life sucks you know I hate that seem like this and like a

[00:08:53] bunch of those dudes something clicked in their mind and they said oh my god when I was a kid

[00:08:59] my dad didn't get me when they got divorced and I always thought my dad it was us that he didn't

[00:09:04] like us I hated my dad for it and they saw that that was the reason their their dad didn't

[00:09:09] go get them or their dad didn't spend time with them it was never about them it was about that

[00:09:14] that you know I could I didn't like who I was and I didn't want my kids to see that and so all

[00:09:20] these other guys they figured out it was never about them it was about their own dad doing

[00:09:24] with their own stuff at that time and so the revelation for a lot of people was it helped

[00:09:30] free them from their own thoughts around their divorce when they were a kid and and that was

[00:09:34] kind of interesting to me my parents weren't divorced but um yeah so it's kind of an

[00:09:39] interesting thing yeah but I have to admit to you Rob um I gotta come clean so my kids were

[00:09:47] the age of your kids now when I got divorced uh one in junior high one in high school and

[00:09:53] I had 50% you know we would change on Sunday had them for a week and they would leave and

[00:09:58] you know when that first happened you know when they left I cried like half a day

[00:10:03] and then after you know months and years into it I couldn't wait for them to leave

[00:10:11] it was so being a single parent for a week and having kids in high school and trying to do everything

[00:10:18] and I talked to these other dads and they kind of felt that way but I felt bad about it but

[00:10:22] it was a normal thing but yeah the kid thing is very very interesting uh how did you rebuild

[00:10:28] your identity and sense of self-worth after uh having your spouse leave the marriage what was

[00:10:34] what was your uh steps you know to get back that confidence you know that's self-worth um it was

[00:10:42] I mean okay so in my case I I mean like okay I'm a dad first but I mean really sometimes I would

[00:10:49] say I'm a businessman first you know and um so a lot of my identity is tied to my business

[00:10:54] what I earn my self-worth is my self-worth a lot of times in my mind is my self-worth

[00:11:00] so whatever that number is on paper to me is how I go around the world feeling which is terrible

[00:11:05] that is not a way anybody should live okay there's other ways to increase your self-worth

[00:11:10] and value your self-worth it's not what your quote unquote financial self-worth is but in my case

[00:11:15] that was something that I struggled with really my whole life so um so I had to get past that

[00:11:20] because I no longer had this the the network on paper so I had to get past you know letting my

[00:11:26] net worth determine my self-worth and um the way I did it was a certain group of daily exercises

[00:11:33] every single day one of the first things I did as this was a non-negotiable for me I would not

[00:11:38] leave my house without writing five things when I'm grateful for and then it could be you know

[00:11:43] many people call the practice of gratitude okay now this is a time when I had nothing

[00:11:47] okay so I've got nothing um my life sucks I have hardly any money but you know what if I had um

[00:11:55] lights on I was thankful for it if I had my favorite drink is iced tea if I'm drinking

[00:11:59] iced tea I'd say I'm thankful for iced tea you know if I have 50 bucks in the bank I'm

[00:12:03] thankful for that 50 bucks so um my kids are healthy I'm thankful for that you know um so

[00:12:09] there's a lot of so and you can find five things um so so that was one thing I started with

[00:12:16] and then I just started like I started journaling I started imagining my what my future life will be

[00:12:21] you know how do I get it all back how do I regain it all how do I make it even better how do I you

[00:12:26] know regain how do I you know reacquire everything that I've lost all this wrote those things down

[00:12:32] wrote down what my future self looks like and just started like envisioning myself there and

[00:12:37] that's how I spent my mornings and I had like I had a formula of all these things I would do

[00:12:41] every morning before I'd leave the house and it took a while I mean it could say you know

[00:12:45] it took 40 to 40 minutes so an hour to do but it's like anything else in life if you work out you

[00:12:50] know it's a practice you do it and it will help you and it'll work now I can do it a little bit

[00:12:55] faster but um yeah so that's those are some of the things and then I started and then I started

[00:13:00] getting into all of this you know how do you how do you make a comeback in life and all these

[00:13:05] other things are like the more I got into it the better I started to feel the better

[00:13:09] I started to you know life got better so you spoke to the fact that you and your ex are

[00:13:15] our friends how does that work you know some some guys cannot ever see that happening how that come

[00:13:21] about yeah so the beautiful part there's a beautiful ending to the story so the lows were

[00:13:28] the worst low ever and all I really wanted was okay look I mean the divorce happened it was

[00:13:33] bound to happen I mean so but I didn't I never wanted to be a nuclear battle I always thought

[00:13:38] if we got as we were married I figured out and a lot of you might feel the same way okay well

[00:13:42] when the kids are in college we'll probably separate we'll probably do worse we'll go our separate way

[00:13:46] a lot of people thought that let's get until the kids go away right and I kind of I was in that

[00:13:50] I thought that too and by the way I mean I take responsibility the marriage didn't work I didn't

[00:13:54] I wouldn't leave has as the man of the house I didn't leave my family I didn't leave myself and

[00:13:59] that's kind of you know the marriage fell apart I mean I take ownership of that but

[00:14:03] that being said if we had to get divorced I always started to be like okay you know split the kids

[00:14:08] was I'm happy to give the money whatever money she needs like I would never want to fight about

[00:14:13] any of that I just wanted to make an agreement and move on I don't want lawyers and all the

[00:14:17] I mean we had every kind of lawyer you can imagine we had divorce lawyers commercial

[00:14:22] litigators I mean who has a commercial litigator in there in their divorce just going

[00:14:27] over every part about my business and my business was complicated we had the accountants

[00:14:33] forensic auditors all sorts of crazy things social investigators I mean you would have

[00:14:38] thought we were like you know like billionaires so that it was crazy but we got through that and

[00:14:46] but for many years after there was so much tension there was you know at first we started to

[00:14:51] there's a separate app we would text each other on some court controlled app where

[00:14:56] you know you text on the app and she sees it on the phone she texts me we send the phone

[00:15:00] everything's monitored and there was never any kind of you know violence no kind of threats no

[00:15:05] kind of harsh language there was never anything like that just all of this stuff that you know

[00:15:10] it's what the courts do they suck you in that vortex right yeah so then anybody we got off that

[00:15:14] we got to regular texting regular things but just going to school events anything she was going

[00:15:19] to be at just was like a big pressure cooker because there was so much tension between us

[00:15:24] I never wanted that but then over time it got to the point where everything was fine

[00:15:30] we'd say hello we were cordial and things just got better and better and now we're truly friends

[00:15:35] now when we're at my son's games I'll go and sit with her at halftime she's with her boyfriend

[00:15:40] I'll go out shake his hands off to him you know he'll give me a bro hug you know we'll chat it

[00:15:44] out we'll sit there I'm off with them for the whole half time and leave and that's a huge

[00:15:49] that's a huge victory that is something that would have never happened before and it makes

[00:15:55] it makes life a hundred times better and more fun especially for the kids

[00:16:00] the kids yes the kids definitely have noticed it and there's times where like I'm sitting at a

[00:16:06] school event maybe I get there first I'm sitting at a table by myself she'll come and sit next to me

[00:16:11] you know there's a she'll compliment me there was a time she would have never done that

[00:16:14] so it's just like yeah everything is very good and cordial now she'll ask my advice on things

[00:16:20] and so a lot of you might be wondering well how do you get to that and I'm going to tell you

[00:16:24] something that I've been doing this whole time and it took years so how do you do it fast I don't

[00:16:30] know but this is the prayer I prayed I said God please I didn't say God give her back to me God

[00:16:35] you know do anything I said God please just soften her heart toward me that was my prayer

[00:16:40] Lord please soften her heart toward me and over time it just you know wow that kind of

[00:16:47] help so wow yeah um what unhealthy coping mechanisms did you initially turn to you and

[00:16:54] how did you course correct to more positive outlets or if and you're really man you're

[00:17:01] really getting you're really getting into it here um welcome to my world Rob yeah that's fine um

[00:17:09] before I move on to that though I just I really I don't want anyone to underestimate the power

[00:17:13] of that one prayer okay that one prayer God please soften her heart toward you that doesn't work just

[00:17:18] for your ex that works for it could be your current wife your current girlfriend could be any kind of

[00:17:23] your boss um somebody in your kid's life that's not treating your kids proper it could be anything

[00:17:28] it's just it's a great prayer to pray so I don't want to like I don't want anyone to glide over

[00:17:33] that it's that important to repeat it and really I want you guys I want if there's anything

[00:17:36] you can hear from me let that sink in because I'm gonna tell you divorce without conflict

[00:17:42] like divorce okay it's gonna happen okay and you guys don't know the statistics what I mean

[00:17:47] three out of four marriages don't make it okay and then and then the statistics for you know

[00:17:52] subsequent marriages which means second and third marriages are even worse so you know if you can

[00:17:57] do it without conflict it's a hundred life is so much easier like my life is her and I've been

[00:18:03] friends I can't even tell you how much easier that makes my life you know and and that all

[00:18:08] adds to your financial success everything else will be a lot better when you just just knowing that so

[00:18:13] taking that conflict away and that dark energy is really helpful what coping mechanisms that I turn

[00:18:19] to well yeah um after when it all started what happens to every dude now they're free right the

[00:18:26] wife's gone the kids are gone you'll buy yourself you have a lot of freedom yeah you know you're

[00:18:32] laughing because I know you know where I'm going with you you're drinking you're out getting drunk

[00:18:37] you're you're at the bars you're probably at some about you know some questionable bars

[00:18:41] specifically strip clubs things like that you're running around with all sorts of different women

[00:18:46] you're maybe out dating uh so you're messing around a lot and you know I was down in

[00:18:50] Costa Rica a lot you know it goes on down there um so yeah I mean I did all that stuff

[00:18:56] you know so but you know all that stuff you did Rob is part of the healing process I am I am convinced

[00:19:04] and I call it the whole phase and I'm not talking about the whole from true value but uh all those

[00:19:11] things you do eat you know negative positive that's that's that's that's the way you jump

[00:19:18] on to the next phase and the healing phase moves on so yeah I'm probably that's true I yeah I mean

[00:19:26] and it just seems like something everyone goes through now if you're in that process now I would

[00:19:30] say be careful if you're getting divorced don't go out and get you know don't drink and drive

[00:19:35] and get a DUI you know because that's something that you know they'll be waiting to pounce on that

[00:19:40] yeah I've never done drugs I would say don't do drugs but if it's your thing don't get caught

[00:19:43] with it um you know if you're in that scenario now but yeah it is a phase you go through um I kind of

[00:19:49] live a more Christian lifestyle now but that being said I did you know the women the drinking all the

[00:19:54] partying I did it you know so you know and you know what and you're you know it was it was a

[00:20:02] temporary risk fight oh yeah and it's fun and it's you know you're a kid in the candy store

[00:20:07] again and it's it's a variety and uh and then that and then also I indulge in my passion too

[00:20:12] my passions fishing and diving I did a heck of a lot fishing and diving now ironically the year that she

[00:20:18] left was also the best year financially I ever had so so on top of that so I'm so the first year

[00:20:25] of the divorce she takes the kids pretty much they're pretty much kidnapped so I'm fighting to even

[00:20:30] get them for like see them three hours a week it was ridiculous okay and like I'd have gone and

[00:20:35] grow up I'm in Florida you know there you know the rule is that any parent can go get them

[00:20:39] and just have them but then the here's the thing the other friend could call the police

[00:20:43] then you're back and forth with them there's no like true custody so I just I let it go because

[00:20:48] I didn't really want my at the time my kids were young they were like maybe it's in four seven and

[00:20:52] four so I didn't really want to have that whole battle of calling the police back and forth like

[00:20:56] if I go to school and grab them they're mine for the night then she I could bring the school

[00:20:59] that she can go get she get to school first and get home you know stuff like that and then I

[00:21:03] just didn't want to have my kids have a negative connotation of the police coming and

[00:21:06] just all that kind of stuff so I kind of just I took the high road didn't really work out for me

[00:21:11] to take the high road but I did and eventually you know worked out on my kids knew what was going

[00:21:17] on but that being said um you know where was I going with this so having a lot of money though

[00:21:22] I had a lot of freedom I traveled I did whatever I wanted so yeah it was the year that she left

[00:21:27] was my best year financially so it was pretty um you know I had a lot of options you know

[00:21:32] but I could do my life let's talk about your two books uh your first one is called it's called

[00:21:38] post-divorce mail meltdown mode okay but here's a picture of it right here I'm gonna be good to see it

[00:21:43] but um and it's basically uh how to defeat the post-divorce hangover that leaves men stuck

[00:21:48] he's massulated and just melted down so you can get back to your winning ways

[00:21:54] and then the second one the second one's called play 44 your greatest comeback now

[00:22:00] this is so this one pretty much tells you what happens to men when they get divorced

[00:22:03] to melt down that they go through and how to get back to winning this teaches you how to make your

[00:22:08] ultimate comeback which I call the greatest comeback of your life so um yeah wow uh let's talk

[00:22:15] about uh how to transfer your life from uh you know a nervous breakdown and on the verge of suicide

[00:22:23] how do you get past that how do you move on from that how do you how do you get out of that vortex

[00:22:28] that dark place um well I think in my case and I think in everybody's case we're all on this earth

[00:22:34] we all have something to do so I think um you know of course a lot of my life is talking to God

[00:22:41] praying to God figuring things out so I would say pray um you know so yeah that helps I'm

[00:22:50] a Christian so I'd say be a Christian but I mean it's not just so much to be a Christian it's like

[00:22:53] you know what do you do like what's your relationship with God you know what's the message in your life

[00:22:57] and my prayer was my prayer eventually you asked me like what made me do all this well believe it

[00:23:03] or not one day I thought I was gonna have a heart attack and I thought I was gonna die okay and um

[00:23:09] that night I went to bed I didn't really think I was gonna wake up that day and I didn't care

[00:23:13] my life was so bad it was like I didn't I didn't care if I die to find you know but I mean really

[00:23:19] where we all have that that's that survival instinct that mechanism and you're a doctor so you

[00:23:24] know like you you but we have it we all have this you know innate instinct to survive so

[00:23:30] in my mind yeah I want to die because things suck but in the other side when it's real do

[00:23:33] I really so that night I prayed oh my god I'm not gonna ask you to save me if I'm gonna die

[00:23:39] I'll tell you what let me ask you this what can I do for you what assignment you have for me give

[00:23:44] me something to do and I'll do it and and my confirmation of that prayer would be if I

[00:23:51] the next morning I woke up okay and um so and I said okay god you gotta listen to me you know

[00:23:58] I'm still here and um and uh so here's what happened a week later I had a dream and the

[00:24:04] dream basically instructed me to write these books and and help others get through their divorce

[00:24:09] come back and he basically just showed me he just showed me hey do this stuff do this stuff

[00:24:15] and I'm gonna bless you in other ways which my other business my real estate business just blew

[00:24:19] up and just took off it did amazing and you know and everything else kind of fell in the place

[00:24:25] and you know and even now like you know now like you know getting together with my ex when I

[00:24:29] see her we're all friends everything's perfect um you know so that's you know I followed the

[00:24:35] instruction I followed the assignment and so a new prayer to pray for everybody is ask god what

[00:24:41] what assignment does he have for you you know think it through and if you're not like a believer

[00:24:45] ask the universe you know call it whatever you know just say we know what's my assignment

[00:24:50] this earth what can I do on this earth we all have something special that we can do or we

[00:24:54] all have that mess that we can take that mess and turn it into a message and it's hard and

[00:24:58] it's scary and you know I don't believe me it was so hard for me to put this stuff out there

[00:25:03] you know trust me I know I know definitely yeah if you could go back and have a conversation

[00:25:10] with your newly divorced self what piece of invaluable wisdom would you share with yourself

[00:25:17] besides besides the prayer of softening people's hearts um I would say

[00:25:25] it's hard to avoid the storm the storm is going to happen some say you're going to go through a

[00:25:29] storm but there is another side and you know I'll you know here's some of the things you can do

[00:25:35] to get through the other side very specifically the gratitude to practice a gratitude every day

[00:25:42] the visualizing your better self your higher self you know meeting your higher self actually

[00:25:48] you know sit there you know who is your better who is your higher self who's the guy you want

[00:25:52] to be you know it may not it's probably not the person you are now it's may not even be the

[00:25:57] person you used to be and but who is it meeting that person also just knowing you know knowing

[00:26:03] the tools to get through the storm so you're out of it quicker and faster and and you're

[00:26:07] better off for it but I mean I think all of us there's no way if you're going through it

[00:26:12] it's just hard thing to go and you know there's there's the exceptions there are few

[00:26:16] they're far and few but there's the exceptions like like I wrote post divorce mail meltdown

[00:26:20] mode because when I got through it when I was in it I thought I was the only one

[00:26:25] I don't mean everybody I'm like everyone gets divorced they get a trophy wife they get a Porsche

[00:26:31] they're making more money their life is amazing man you know and I mean look I'm gonna be honest

[00:26:35] guys the second wife's are out you know they're always hotter you know they're like like life

[00:26:39] seems better you look at a lot of the guys you know that that get divorced but here I hear

[00:26:44] my life sucked and I had no money I didn't have the Porsche I lost all my toys you know

[00:26:50] and um and my life sucked I'm thinking man what happened but then I started looking around

[00:26:55] and you know what all those people that had like the better life post divorce that was

[00:26:59] like far few that was the exception the rule is everyone else is looking down

[00:27:04] and look at how you look in Hollywood you look at celebrities when they get to work

[00:27:07] you look at the men you see their lives meltdown right after you know they get

[00:27:12] they maybe their alcoholics maybe they go a little crazy um so you see like and you just

[00:27:16] see it maybe in your own family you've probably seen people get divorced and you saw what happened

[00:27:19] to the post divorce it's because we lose our identity our den is fathers men of the house

[00:27:24] we have a full house now you know we we go from that full house to the bachelor pack yeah

[00:27:29] you know that is it all right there you know you go from a your family man in the family

[00:27:32] home to a bachelor pad so it's their hard things to overcome you know uh Rob why don't you

[00:27:40] tell the people out there where to find you on the internet and I'll have the uh the website

[00:27:45] and the book and everything on the bottom of show notes but let people know where you are

[00:27:50] thank you thank you you can find anything about my coaching program for for divorce dads or you

[00:27:55] can read my book here it's at play come come back come back play 44 44.com so it's come

[00:28:02] back play 44 44.com or pdmm book.com post divorce mail meltdown mode book.com and by the way like

[00:28:11] you asked me one of the things that you do play 44 44 means have a play so like we're all if we're

[00:28:17] if you were in sports most of us were you know how do you win games you have a play you have

[00:28:23] so I made a play for my comeback so you make a play you name your play and you give your

[00:28:28] play meaning and that's kind of like that was the tenant of my whole comeback so I gave it I made a play

[00:28:36] and I gave it a name which is play 44 44 because it has meaning to me in this book I teach you how

[00:28:41] to name make your own play and name it to something that is meaning to you and and then follow that

[00:28:47] playbook so and you know that's every every great sports team every great sports dynasty

[00:28:53] you know they win championships but how do you win championships well

[00:28:57] you got to win games and how do you win games you gotta we gotta win the plays so you gotta

[00:29:01] win plays all right we don't do that in a life anymore we don't have you know if you think back

[00:29:07] to a life when you were playing a sport you you don't have a place you know so make a place

[00:29:14] for your life the world you know kind of like a divorce everybody doesn't get the trophy do they

[00:29:19] have there's there's no wine to aid you know why I'm she the voices

[00:29:27] yeah I really thank you for hanging out with us this morning but it's gonna be fun doing edit on

[00:29:35] this one you know you dropped a knowledge on me I really appreciate your time oh my pleasure

[00:29:39] thank you for having me and I hope it's been helpful to your viewers and yeah it's you know

[00:29:45] we can all get through this better better for yourself is better for you better for your

[00:29:48] ex too you want to make her life better you want your ex to thrive be happy you want like I'm proud

[00:29:52] if she's doing great in her life I'm happy if she shares it with me now she will but I'm proud of

[00:29:57] her and you can't be mad if they have a new they're gonna get somebody new you found something

[00:30:01] great in them of course someone else is going to find something great in them you can't be

[00:30:04] mad at that dude you know especially as long as he's good to you know to her and your kids

[00:30:09] and life is just better when there's a nice harmony between you all and you'll succeed

[00:30:13] and you'll be a lot better for it as you keep going well rather I'm glad you're such a quiet guy but

[00:30:19] thanks for reaching out to me I appreciate it but we're gonna sign off take care bye bye

[00:30:25] yes sir appreciate have a great day