Yannick Picard, a mindset and confidence coach, discusses various topics related to personal growth and recovery after divorce. He emphasizes the importance of self-love, overcoming self-doubt, and developing resilience and self-confidence. Exploring the concepts of perfectionism, fixed mindset vs growth mindset, and the role of transformative emotions, he encourages individuals to tap into their boundless potential and have the courage to take steps towards their goals. Throughout the conversation, Yannick emphasizes that individuals going through divorce are not alone and that their past does not define their future. Thanks for the knowledge Yannick!
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Topics:
The Naked Coach
Self-sabotaging
Can’t get out of our own way
Why do I see Subaru all over the place
Oxygen mask on the plane
Getting to the goal is not linear
The inner critic
You are not alone
Journal
Break it down in smaller steps
The Naked Coach Website
Instagram
https://instagram.com/thenakedcoach
LinkedIn
https://www.linkedin.com/in/yannickpicard/
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[00:00.000 --> 00:11.960] Welcome to the Divorce Recovery Men Over 40 podcast that empowers men with the tools
[00:11.960 --> 00:16.520] that foster hope, resilience, and growth during and after divorce.
[00:16.520 --> 00:17.520] Check it out.
[00:17.520 --> 00:18.520] All right.
[00:18.520 --> 00:19.520] Welcome everybody out there too.
[00:19.520 --> 00:21.160] Don't Pick the Scab podcast.
[00:21.160 --> 00:27.560] We have Yannick Picard from Toronto and he is a mindset and confidence coach and he's
[00:27.560 --> 00:32.720] going to see how he can reach out to my men over 40 with their divorce problems and all
[00:32.720 --> 00:33.720] that good stuff.
[00:33.720 --> 00:34.720] Go and introduce yourself.
[00:34.720 --> 00:38.600] I got a couple of questions for you and I can't wait for my first question, but go and introduce
[00:38.600 --> 00:39.600] yourself.
[00:39.600 --> 00:40.600] Yannick.
[00:40.600 --> 00:41.600] Thank you so much for the invitation.
[00:41.600 --> 00:42.600] Yes.
[00:42.600 --> 00:46.400] My name is Yannick Picard and I am a mindset and confidence coach.
[00:46.400 --> 00:50.560] I got into coaching as a result of a breakup.
[00:50.560 --> 00:52.280] It wasn't something that I had planned.
[00:52.280 --> 01:01.160] I was just looking for new strategies to bounce back to basically recover, if you will, using
[01:01.160 --> 01:07.240] something different as opposed to some people go to therapy and I decided to take up coaching.
[01:07.240 --> 01:15.760] And so fast forward pandemic, I decided to do a deep dive in how we self-sabotage and
[01:15.760 --> 01:20.200] that plays a huge role in our lives, in our relationships.
[01:20.200 --> 01:24.080] And so that's me in a nutshell.
[01:24.080 --> 01:26.200] What is the naked coach?
[01:26.200 --> 01:27.200] Yes.
[01:27.200 --> 01:29.320] Where's it come from?
[01:29.320 --> 01:35.800] The naked coach, that was something that was handed to me on a silver platter.
[01:35.800 --> 01:39.640] I didn't hire a company, like there are people out there that hired companies to come up
[01:39.640 --> 01:40.640] with.
[01:40.640 --> 01:41.640] Yeah.
[01:41.640 --> 01:42.640] So none of that happened.
[01:42.640 --> 01:50.080] So during the pandemic, I took a business coaching course or program and I was the tech
[01:50.080 --> 01:51.560] key in the group.
[01:51.560 --> 01:56.120] So what would happen is during the week, a lot of the other people that were also in
[01:56.120 --> 02:01.520] the course would drop messages in Facebook, in Facebook group with all their tech questions.
[02:01.520 --> 02:05.680] And on the Friday, I would just sort of like go through them and just answer them in
[02:05.680 --> 02:07.200] a live.
[02:07.200 --> 02:12.400] So one day this would have been probably late May and it can get a little bit warm
[02:12.400 --> 02:14.240] and muggy.
[02:14.240 --> 02:16.400] And so I was walking the dog.
[02:16.400 --> 02:18.920] I just happened to take off my tank top.
[02:18.920 --> 02:24.760] I didn't realize when I hit live and I just basically went in and I responded to everybody's
[02:24.760 --> 02:26.160] questions that week.
[02:26.160 --> 02:30.960] And somebody in the comments says, oh my God, you are the naked coach.
[02:30.960 --> 02:35.800] And that resonated with me, just like Jamie Oliver, the naked chef.
[02:35.800 --> 02:42.320] It was really about, hey, my mission really is to help people get back to where they
[02:42.320 --> 02:48.920] were, where they're supposed to be, like free of that, the armor that we tend to put
[02:48.920 --> 02:53.360] on over the course of our lifetime.
[02:53.360 --> 02:55.400] Wow.
[02:55.400 --> 02:59.880] So my first question is going to be other than the naked coach.
[02:59.880 --> 03:03.000] How are we paralyzed by the pursuit of perfection?
[03:03.000 --> 03:04.000] Yeah.
[03:04.000 --> 03:10.160] So perfectionism is really one of the ways that we tend to self sabotage.
[03:10.160 --> 03:15.040] And so it's often a result of feeling that we're not good enough.
[03:15.040 --> 03:21.040] And so if we do something, if we keep working to get something out to perfection, then it's
[03:21.040 --> 03:25.360] almost like it's a way of, it's a self protective mechanism.
[03:25.360 --> 03:32.080] And so we often sort of like just fall trapped into this process where once you start, it's
[03:32.080 --> 03:39.040] almost like this animal that is insatiable.
[03:39.040 --> 03:43.200] So you start and like, oh, it's not good enough.
[03:43.200 --> 03:44.200] And then you keep going.
[03:44.200 --> 03:49.560] And then the more that you kind of feed it, the bigger that it gets and it just gets really,
[03:49.560 --> 03:51.040] really tiresome.
[03:51.040 --> 03:54.960] So is that kind of related to us being our own worst enemy?
[03:54.960 --> 03:56.880] You know, we can't get out of our own way.
[03:56.880 --> 04:01.320] Yeah, actually that is one of the ways that we don't get out of our own way.
[04:01.320 --> 04:06.320] It's really, listen, the basis of this is there's nothing wrong with it.
[04:06.320 --> 04:09.920] Like realize that it's there, except that it's there.
[04:09.920 --> 04:14.260] And then what you can do is once you basically acknowledged it, you can start looking ways
[04:14.260 --> 04:23.280] that you can kind of start to starve it and weaken the total that it has on you.
[04:23.280 --> 04:24.520] Explain the mindset play.
[04:24.520 --> 04:25.520] That's really interesting.
[04:25.520 --> 04:29.240] And then the difference between the fixed and the growth mindset, how do they relate
[04:29.240 --> 04:33.520] to each other as in terms of healing and moving on with your life?
[04:33.520 --> 04:34.520] Yeah.
[04:34.520 --> 04:39.720] So the growth mindset sometimes also referred to as the unlimited mindset.
[04:39.720 --> 04:46.160] So if you believe that something is so, then you know what, your brain just looks for evidence
[04:46.160 --> 04:47.960] that it's true.
[04:47.960 --> 04:54.000] And so it's almost like, and I'm sure a lot of people that are listening to this podcast,
[04:54.000 --> 04:58.200] maybe you yourself have experienced this, but you basically go to car dealership, you
[04:58.200 --> 04:59.920] pick up a new car.
[04:59.920 --> 05:05.880] And the moment that you get off the lot, you, you like that car is everywhere.
[05:05.880 --> 05:08.040] And so your brain basically kind of works that way too.
[05:08.040 --> 05:12.160] If you believe something to be true, all of a sudden it's almost like it puts blinders
[05:12.160 --> 05:17.200] on and you keep, it keeps looking for evidence that it's true.
[05:17.200 --> 05:22.760] And when it comes across evidence that it's not true, it will nitpick it to find the
[05:22.760 --> 05:28.200] reason why, Oh, this isn't a good example as to why it's not true.
[05:28.200 --> 05:30.440] The belief is not true.
[05:30.440 --> 05:35.880] So that would be something of having a fixed mindset would do.
[05:35.880 --> 05:44.240] Having an unlimited or a mindset is being curious, Hey, you know what?
[05:44.240 --> 05:49.000] Maybe this is just my skewed version of how I see things.
[05:49.000 --> 05:54.360] What if I could see it differently, how could that support me?
[05:54.360 --> 05:57.960] So you're driving off the car light and you say, I just bought a Subaru and all I
[05:57.960 --> 05:58.960] see is Subarus.
[05:58.960 --> 06:01.720] But why do I see those Subarus?
[06:01.720 --> 06:04.920] Because I know those other cars out there besides Subaru, but yeah, you are so right.
[06:04.920 --> 06:10.600] You know, your mind just gets, gets like blindsided, I guess hyper focused.
[06:10.600 --> 06:11.600] Yeah.
[06:11.600 --> 06:15.640] What about self-doubt and how you can hold the range to us, man?
[06:15.640 --> 06:19.000] Self self-doubt is big, especially when you go into a divorce or maybe a big
[06:19.000 --> 06:21.840] breakup, you know, the self-doubt question yourself.
[06:21.840 --> 06:22.840] There's so many questions.
[06:22.920 --> 06:23.960] It's almost like a rabbit hole.
[06:24.400 --> 06:24.920] Yeah.
[06:24.960 --> 06:31.040] And again, that ties into your mindset is, Hey, it's like, so how do you, how do you
[06:31.040 --> 06:31.560] get out of it?
[06:31.640 --> 06:34.600] How do you prevent going down that rabbit hole?
[06:35.080 --> 06:41.560] And so what's, um, what often needs to happen is, and I know that when you're
[06:41.560 --> 06:44.560] going through it, that's different from looking at it from the outside or once
[06:44.560 --> 06:48.640] you've gone through it, but it's really all about, Hey, you know what?
[06:48.920 --> 06:50.520] Like what's going on right now?
[06:50.560 --> 06:52.600] Yeah, it is very, very difficult.
[06:53.480 --> 06:57.920] But like, what, um, what can I do?
[06:58.040 --> 07:01.760] Like, how can I best, um, get out of this?
[07:01.760 --> 07:06.280] And oftentimes, even though it might not be obvious, but it, a lot of the time
[07:06.280 --> 07:07.520] it has to do with courage.
[07:08.120 --> 07:09.800] So it could be, Hey, you know what?
[07:09.800 --> 07:11.400] I'm, I've just gone through a breakup.
[07:11.520 --> 07:15.920] It's having the courage to reach out to, um, if things aren't going well, just
[07:15.920 --> 07:18.480] to reach out to someone and say, Hey, you know what?
[07:18.480 --> 07:20.280] I really need somebody to listen to me.
[07:21.080 --> 07:25.280] And realizing that people actually care or there are others out there that
[07:25.280 --> 07:28.640] have, are facing similar issues that you're not alone.
[07:29.320 --> 07:38.560] And so, so being courageous, I find one of the first acts of self-love that you can do.
[07:39.520 --> 07:40.320] Oh, self-love.
[07:40.360 --> 07:41.040] That's my favorite.
[07:41.320 --> 07:43.000] Why is self-love important?
[07:43.280 --> 07:46.680] Why, why do you got to take care of yourself and other to take care of others?
[07:46.720 --> 07:48.080] Hello, people out there.
[07:48.080 --> 07:48.400] Yeah.
[07:49.240 --> 07:50.240] Well, it's the same thing.
[07:50.600 --> 07:54.640] I mean, I think most of us have gone on a flight and at the beginning of the
[07:54.640 --> 07:56.440] flight, they always say, Hey, you know what?
[07:56.480 --> 07:59.720] If they're, if the cabin depressurizes, please make sure that you put the
[07:59.720 --> 08:06.440] oxygen mask on yourself first before helping elders or kids or anyone that's
[08:06.440 --> 08:08.040] beside you that also need help.
[08:08.520 --> 08:12.040] Because if you put yours on first, there's likelihood that you might be
[08:12.040 --> 08:16.120] able to help two other people or three other people, but if you don't, if
[08:16.160 --> 08:22.360] you just have one beside you, you might not basically survive and you won't
[08:22.360 --> 08:24.240] be able to help anybody else.
[08:24.440 --> 08:28.200] So what about transformative emotions?
[08:28.240 --> 08:29.400] How does that play a part?
[08:29.560 --> 08:34.040] So oftentimes I find that, um, and I'll speak for myself that I'll get stuff.
[08:34.520 --> 08:37.240] Not doing something because of the emotion that's attached.
[08:37.240 --> 08:41.120] Like, Oh, it's like, it's not going to be fun or it's going to be, it's
[08:41.120 --> 08:46.240] going to be icky or, um, whatever the, whatever the reason is.
[08:46.320 --> 08:51.040] Um, if you sit down, if, if you're, if you're struggling to do something,
[08:52.000 --> 08:56.280] um, that whatever that might be, I invite you to just sit down and close
[08:56.280 --> 09:01.120] your eyes and just play the movie in your head of what's going to happen.
[09:01.800 --> 09:03.880] If you do this, or if you try to do this.
[09:04.120 --> 09:09.520] And oftentimes it's like, for example, asking somebody out, you will like, you
[09:09.520 --> 09:14.160] might struggle after a separation or divorce to, to get out there again.
[09:14.840 --> 09:18.480] And it might be, Oh, you know what, like the story that like, like I find that
[09:18.480 --> 09:21.960] person really, really like, like handsome or beautiful or whatnot, but
[09:21.960 --> 09:26.720] I just can't, can't find myself, can't, can't get to ask the person out.
[09:27.640 --> 09:31.800] And so, so there's a story that's playing and an emotion usually that's
[09:31.800 --> 09:36.280] attached to it in the stories that, Hey, it might be, well, my ex partner,
[09:36.280 --> 09:39.680] like it's the second time I, I'm going through like a breakup.
[09:40.040 --> 09:44.440] And so I, I might just want to avoid rejection.
[09:45.440 --> 09:52.160] Rejection is a huge, um, a huge, I guess, like protest that, that some
[09:52.160 --> 09:55.480] people just aren't really comfortable with and that's okay.
[09:55.520 --> 09:59.840] I 100% get that, but just see what the story that you have playing
[09:59.840 --> 10:02.800] out in your head is and ask yourself, it goes back down to like,
[10:02.800 --> 10:04.880] to your, your, your, your mindset.
[10:05.440 --> 10:06.440] Like, is it true?
[10:07.000 --> 10:10.480] Is it like, is it guaranteed that if I go ask that person out, that they're
[10:10.480 --> 10:11.920] going to say that they're going to reject me?
[10:12.320 --> 10:12.840] Yes or no.
[10:13.600 --> 10:17.960] Are you a hundred percent sure that it will be, you know what?
[10:18.840 --> 10:22.120] Usually I'd say that you're not a hundred percent sure.
[10:22.400 --> 10:24.560] It's just that this story that's playing out in your head, that's
[10:24.560 --> 10:27.880] attached to something that happened is telling you that, Hey, you know
[10:27.880 --> 10:30.720] what, um, that's to play this one safe.
[10:31.200 --> 10:33.280] Cause I'm not sure that I can deal with rejection.
[10:33.440 --> 10:39.080] And so we avoid being courageous and taking that step to disprove the
[10:39.080 --> 10:40.240] story that's playing in our head.
[10:40.240 --> 10:41.200] That's keeping us stuck.
[10:42.680 --> 10:47.200] So how do you not let the past, like the past can put a blinder on that
[10:47.200 --> 10:50.680] story on that and then you're stuck and you can't get out at all.
[10:50.720 --> 10:54.760] How do you successfully move on from there when the past can blind you?
[10:55.960 --> 10:56.280] Yeah.
[10:56.280 --> 10:59.280] So the first step really is just to notice it.
[11:00.160 --> 11:01.360] A lot of times we don't notice it.
[11:01.720 --> 11:06.080] Like it's easy for me to notice if I have a good friend of mine, if they're
[11:06.080 --> 11:10.240] in a pattern or something like that, because I know them and I can see what's
[11:10.240 --> 11:14.400] going on, but just like when you're driving a car, you got these blind spots.
[11:14.400 --> 11:17.400] I mean, forget the new technology that kind of like, like has your mirror
[11:17.400 --> 11:21.080] light up when there's a car that is in your blind spot, but let's say before
[11:21.080 --> 11:22.640] then, like 10 years ago, you didn't have that.
[11:23.520 --> 11:27.520] And so you're driving, you can't see your own blind spots, but somebody
[11:27.520 --> 11:30.480] else can, like if there's somebody that's looking at you, they can see
[11:30.520 --> 11:31.200] your blind spots.
[11:31.600 --> 11:34.000] And so one of the things is, Hey, you know what?
[11:34.480 --> 11:36.520] Ask a friend, um, might be one.
[11:37.320 --> 11:40.640] Two is you might just realize yourself that way to set, like I'm noticing
[11:40.840 --> 11:43.160] that like this is pattern that's going on.
[11:43.600 --> 11:44.640] That's being perpetrated.
[11:45.160 --> 11:46.880] And, and then just, just ponder.
[11:47.240 --> 11:50.680] You don't have to go into like an hour long meditation for weeks on end
[11:50.680 --> 11:56.000] or going to like an end day meditation retreat, although I will give that it's
[11:56.000 --> 12:01.240] due, it's amazing, but you can actually figure a lot of these little
[12:01.240 --> 12:03.360] things out on your own.
[12:03.400 --> 12:08.520] Now you might not be able to transform the whole thing yourself, but you
[12:08.520 --> 12:13.200] should be able to find the first where it is that, that you're struggling
[12:13.200 --> 12:17.320] with and sort of like what's going on there just by, you know what?
[12:17.680 --> 12:20.800] Closing your eyes and just pondering, Hey, you know what?
[12:21.600 --> 12:22.600] This is going on right now.
[12:22.600 --> 12:24.920] And I'm seeing that it's a repetitive.
[12:25.040 --> 12:26.240] I'm the common denominator.
[12:26.280 --> 12:27.320] This is always happening.
[12:27.680 --> 12:29.680] So what role am I playing?
[12:30.560 --> 12:33.800] Oh, maybe it's like, I'm, I'm, I'm hyper reactive.
[12:34.560 --> 12:40.160] Um, like I take things like, like any criticism, I just really, really
[12:40.160 --> 12:42.920] personally, or whatever that might be.
[12:43.520 --> 12:47.360] And then you can start like, start looking to say, okay, well, if I'm
[12:47.360 --> 12:50.960] reactive under these circumstances, well, what is it about these circumstances?
[12:50.960 --> 12:53.000] Like, Oh, it's like, I feel like I'm not being heard.
[12:53.560 --> 12:54.120] Oh, okay.
[12:54.160 --> 12:57.800] How, how might that be familiar with something that, that you grew up with?
[12:58.400 --> 13:00.440] Um, it might not necessarily be something from childhood.
[13:00.440 --> 13:03.280] It might be something from, I don't know, when you're going through
[13:03.280 --> 13:07.760] college or university, that you had this, this teacher that basically you,
[13:07.800 --> 13:11.840] you try to explain like a dissertation or something, and he just wouldn't
[13:11.840 --> 13:13.680] have anything, wouldn't want to hear it.
[13:14.200 --> 13:18.680] And so that's what basically can help you sort of like figure out like
[13:18.680 --> 13:20.040] what might be going on right now.
[13:20.040 --> 13:25.600] How might that be related to an event from, um, from not too distant or
[13:25.920 --> 13:27.480] maybe a little distant from your past.
[13:28.480 --> 13:32.680] What's the interplay between resilience and self-confidence?
[13:33.120 --> 13:34.520] How do they play off each other?
[13:35.760 --> 13:42.560] So self-confidence, I would say that self-confidence is, is having the
[13:42.560 --> 13:47.760] audacity to take that next step when you might not see the whole staircase.
[13:48.640 --> 13:54.400] And the resilience is getting up one time more than you've fallen off the horse.
[13:55.400 --> 14:02.720] So, you know, it is also about realizing that, Hey, I'm, I'm, let's say you've
[14:02.720 --> 14:10.720] got goal to, I don't know, maybe it is, it might be to, I want to, um, I want
[14:10.720 --> 14:16.720] to fit into that, that, that suit, um, that I wore like five years ago at
[14:16.720 --> 14:20.920] your sister's wedding and you're finding that it's, it's, it's very tight right now.
[14:21.360 --> 14:24.840] And so your goal might just be, Hey, it's like, like, that's what I want to do.
[14:25.160 --> 14:28.320] Resilience is, Hey, you try one way.
[14:28.680 --> 14:32.560] Let's say it might be increasing your number of steps per day from like
[14:32.880 --> 14:38.000] 3000 to 10,000, but then realizing that after a month, you weigh the same.
[14:38.720 --> 14:40.840] So, and the pants fit the same.
[14:40.840 --> 14:41.840] So, okay.
[14:41.840 --> 14:43.880] So what do I, what do I need to change?
[14:44.200 --> 14:48.280] Well, maybe you look at different, different other options that, that are on
[14:48.280 --> 14:53.120] the table that, that could benefit you for getting to that goal.
[14:53.520 --> 14:58.320] And so maybe, Hey, no, maybe I need to lift weights, uh, twice a week.
[14:58.840 --> 15:03.520] Um, and then maybe that, that, that won't be enough, but having the resilience
[15:03.520 --> 15:05.200] just basically just to kind of keep going.
[15:05.760 --> 15:09.800] So the self-confidence is kind of like a goal and the resilience is more
[15:09.800 --> 15:11.880] like the method, how do you get to that goal?
[15:12.680 --> 15:12.960] Yeah.
[15:12.960 --> 15:16.680] Just to basically like, if you, if you get knocked down before you get to your goal,
[15:16.920 --> 15:19.040] it's just getting back up and say, Hey, you know what?
[15:19.760 --> 15:24.920] Like there must be another way, something that, that can do on top of what I'm
[15:24.920 --> 15:29.600] doing now, or maybe something I need to switch to continue and get towards that goal.
[15:29.880 --> 15:35.600] And you and I both know that like setting up a goal and getting there is not linear.
[15:36.160 --> 15:37.640] It's not a linear process.
[15:37.880 --> 15:43.640] So yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's your, some weeks, things are going really, really well.
[15:44.040 --> 15:47.600] And then there might be a day or two or a weekend, Super Bowl weekend.
[15:47.920 --> 15:51.680] Um, where like, you know what, like things don't go so well.
[15:52.280 --> 15:56.280] So it's just realizing, giving yourself self-love saying, Hey, you know what?
[15:56.840 --> 16:02.240] Like a Super Bowl does not make or break, but I just need to get back
[16:02.240 --> 16:07.640] on to what I was doing prior to, to keep this going forward.
[16:08.880 --> 16:10.600] You talk a lot about the inner critic.
[16:10.800 --> 16:12.800] Um, uh, three things.
[16:12.800 --> 16:13.520] What is it?
[16:13.760 --> 16:16.520] Um, why do you need to stifle it?
[16:16.560 --> 16:17.760] And how do you stifle it?
[16:18.280 --> 16:19.920] Straight out the argy bunker.
[16:20.080 --> 16:20.480] But yeah.
[16:21.240 --> 16:21.440] Yeah.
[16:21.440 --> 16:23.960] So the inner critic is that voice that's in your head.
[16:25.280 --> 16:30.800] That's always sort of like, wait, um, and it's, it's sometimes it'll be a
[16:30.800 --> 16:33.000] voice that like for me, it was, Hey, it's like, you know what?
[16:33.520 --> 16:36.800] Um, yeah, you need to be a perfectionist cause this isn't good enough.
[16:37.480 --> 16:40.920] Or it might be the one that, that caused me to, Hey, you know what?
[16:40.920 --> 16:45.840] Like best avoid this because X or Y is going to happen.
[16:46.240 --> 16:49.480] And it's just going to, the whole thing's just going to come crashing down.
[16:50.080 --> 16:54.160] Um, so, so it's that, it's that inner voice that usually is
[16:54.160 --> 16:55.920] very hyper critical of you.
[16:56.280 --> 17:00.400] It's that voice that if you were with your best friend and somebody
[17:00.400 --> 17:03.800] else was in the room and it was actually speaking those words to your best friend,
[17:04.080 --> 17:06.920] you'd actually step in and say, hold on a second here.
[17:07.480 --> 17:08.800] That's out of place.
[17:08.840 --> 17:09.680] You're out of line here.
[17:10.520 --> 17:15.400] But because it's our own inner critic, we actually like, we just think it's
[17:15.400 --> 17:16.920] normal and we don't stand up to it.
[17:18.320 --> 17:19.160] That makes sense.
[17:19.240 --> 17:19.520] Yep.
[17:20.240 --> 17:20.760] Big time.
[17:21.200 --> 17:25.800] So how can a man over 40 going through divorce or post divorce,
[17:25.920 --> 17:27.680] uh, get out of that cage of doubt?
[17:28.240 --> 17:31.840] And it's almost like the cage of doubt is the cousin of the inner critic.
[17:33.120 --> 17:34.120] They all run together.
[17:35.000 --> 17:38.000] Because the inner critic will say things to keep you safe.
[17:38.240 --> 17:42.800] The job of the inner critic is always as horrible as it might sound is to keep you
[17:42.800 --> 17:46.600] safe. So it might say something along the lines of like, Hey, it's like, yeah, you
[17:46.600 --> 17:47.760] know, like you're not good enough.
[17:48.160 --> 17:48.920] Don't even try.
[17:49.080 --> 17:50.080] Don't, don't go on that date.
[17:50.080 --> 17:50.960] You're not good enough.
[17:51.320 --> 17:56.360] And because your inner critic's really just looking out for your, what it believes
[17:56.360 --> 17:57.840] to be your best interest.
[17:58.040 --> 18:02.080] So if it makes you believe that you're not good enough and it's prevents you from
[18:02.080 --> 18:06.120] going on that date or starting to date again, then in its head, it's doing its
[18:06.120 --> 18:09.560] job because it's preventing you from another heartbreak down the line.
[18:10.240 --> 18:16.800] So what you need to do is you need to, to be aware of when those thoughts come
[18:16.800 --> 18:20.760] through and listen, I know, I mean, science has said that we get anywhere
[18:20.760 --> 18:24.840] between 50,000 and like 80 or 90,000 thoughts a day.
[18:25.120 --> 18:28.520] There is no way that you could sit down and write them all out.
[18:29.120 --> 18:36.080] However, when you catch yourself, that's where you get to question the thought.
[18:36.720 --> 18:37.280] Hey, you know what?
[18:37.280 --> 18:38.320] Like I'm not good enough.
[18:39.200 --> 18:40.040] Is it true?
[18:41.080 --> 18:47.160] And the interesting thing that you can do is write a list of when you were good
[18:47.160 --> 18:51.760] enough, you know what, like I won that championship or I won that trap and
[18:51.760 --> 18:53.440] field, or I won this.
[18:53.840 --> 18:59.080] And so when the thought of not good enough comes out, then you have a cheat
[18:59.080 --> 19:06.720] sheet of accomplishments that you can reread that this proves the thought
[19:06.920 --> 19:09.240] that the inner critic is whispering in your ear.
[19:10.280 --> 19:10.960] Oh, interesting.
[19:11.360 --> 19:15.960] So how can that same animal 40 have a transformational journey to positivity?
[19:16.320 --> 19:19.240] What are some of the general attributes of that?
[19:19.760 --> 19:23.400] Well, I would say that the first thing is just to realize where you're at.
[19:23.760 --> 19:24.960] And there's nothing wrong with it.
[19:25.360 --> 19:28.760] Um, there's no, Hey, like I'm better off or I'm worse off.
[19:29.080 --> 19:32.040] It's just noticing, Hey, this is, this is the lay of the land.
[19:33.000 --> 19:35.400] And it's almost like like Google maps, right?
[19:35.400 --> 19:37.600] It's like you start up, Google maps starts off.
[19:37.640 --> 19:38.920] It shows you where you are.
[19:38.960 --> 19:39.320] Great.
[19:39.320 --> 19:40.240] So where I'm at.
[19:40.600 --> 19:43.480] And then the next thing is like, okay, so where do I want to go?
[19:45.200 --> 19:48.920] Like what's, what is, what is the end outcome that I want?
[19:49.680 --> 19:54.080] And then is that so big that you might be afraid to actually start
[19:54.080 --> 19:55.520] taking steps toward there?
[19:56.080 --> 19:56.480] You know what?
[19:56.560 --> 20:01.240] If it is great, because it means that that's actually, that is what you want.
[20:01.840 --> 20:05.480] And then the next thing is just to break it down in smaller, smaller steps.
[20:05.680 --> 20:06.840] So it might be, Hey, you know what?
[20:06.840 --> 20:09.920] Like ideally, like I would like to be in a relationship again.
[20:10.320 --> 20:12.680] And you might put that as, as the end goal.
[20:13.120 --> 20:15.600] We don't have to put dates or anything like that, or how many years,
[20:15.600 --> 20:17.040] but let's just put that as the end goal.
[20:17.600 --> 20:19.120] And then just like walk it back.
[20:19.120 --> 20:23.520] It's like, okay, so what would need to happen before I get into that relationship?
[20:23.520 --> 20:23.760] Okay.
[20:23.760 --> 20:25.800] Well, I would have to date.
[20:26.200 --> 20:26.600] Okay.
[20:26.600 --> 20:28.680] And then what would need to happen before that?
[20:28.680 --> 20:33.360] And then you can kind of like start filling in those, those blanks as to how,
[20:34.000 --> 20:38.080] or, or the steps that you need to do to, to get to that final destination.
[20:38.760 --> 20:44.680] And then ask yourself, honestly, do I have what it takes to accomplish that
[20:44.680 --> 20:46.240] step or do I need help?
[20:47.200 --> 20:48.960] Some of the stuff you'll be able to do.
[20:49.800 --> 20:52.320] Other stuff you might say, Hey, you know what?
[20:52.840 --> 20:57.400] When it comes to confidence, like, like I've tried to practice.
[20:57.400 --> 20:58.280] I've read the books.
[20:58.560 --> 21:00.480] I just, I just can't figure it out on my own.
[21:00.960 --> 21:01.400] Awesome.
[21:01.400 --> 21:01.920] You know what?
[21:02.360 --> 21:05.960] Ask somebody that, you know, that you see, you feel is very, very confident.
[21:06.000 --> 21:06.920] Ask them what they do.
[21:07.400 --> 21:13.720] If that doesn't work therapy, a coach, there might be a course that you can
[21:13.720 --> 21:17.600] take and then just sort of like start filling in like, Hey, is this something
[21:17.600 --> 21:20.320] that I can do myself or is this something that I need help with?
[21:20.320 --> 21:21.440] And what are the options?
[21:21.920 --> 21:25.160] And then that way you actually have like a game plan, what it is that
[21:25.160 --> 21:26.480] you want and how to get there.
[21:26.840 --> 21:30.920] Well, let's talk about courage as a lifeline, not just a word.
[21:30.960 --> 21:31.640] How does that work?
[21:32.080 --> 21:32.720] Courage.
[21:33.320 --> 21:33.920] You know what?
[21:33.960 --> 21:44.360] Courage is, is having, I want to say courage is, is allowing yourself a step
[21:45.080 --> 21:51.600] forward when you don't necessarily see the, the step is trusting that, you
[21:51.600 --> 21:58.120] know what, whatever it is that, that comes out of that is, is in your benefit.
[21:59.440 --> 22:07.240] So I, I recently sent a note to somebody that I was interested in and just
[22:07.240 --> 22:10.000] realizing sort of like, like bringing up a couple of things to that person's
[22:10.000 --> 22:16.640] attention and it, for me, I could have just like, I fear of rejection is a
[22:16.640 --> 22:17.440] big thing for me.
[22:17.880 --> 22:23.760] And so, so I felt that like taking 15, 20 minutes to write something out and
[22:23.760 --> 22:28.040] send it to this person was also out of self-love for myself because
[22:28.040 --> 22:29.080] I was creating a boundary.
[22:29.560 --> 22:31.800] I was telling that person like, Hey, it's like, have you noticed these
[22:31.800 --> 22:35.880] little things and I, I'd really like to talk to you about it.
[22:36.760 --> 22:42.240] And then just throwing that, sending that with love and just seeing what happens.
[22:42.800 --> 22:45.520] And the person responded back to me within 15 minutes.
[22:45.520 --> 22:48.600] Like, Hey, it's like, I can see that you've put a lot of thought into this.
[22:49.000 --> 22:54.680] Um, you give me a day, uh, to sort of like sit with it and, and respond back.
[22:55.520 --> 23:00.160] Now there's a, there's a version of me somewhere that would never have done
[23:01.000 --> 23:05.960] and there's a version of me somewhere that what I did is common.
[23:06.520 --> 23:07.360] It happens every day.
[23:08.160 --> 23:11.480] So I just happened to be the person that's sort of like in between boat.
[23:11.960 --> 23:16.360] And that's how you get to build courage because now I can say, Hey, it's
[23:16.360 --> 23:19.160] like, you know what, when there's something that, that is important to me,
[23:19.400 --> 23:24.360] I know that I can stand up for myself and I can be courageous and ask for what
[23:24.360 --> 23:29.720] I need and a lot of times we just basically, um, we have difficulty like
[23:29.720 --> 23:33.560] after breakups or, or dating just to basically create those sort of like
[23:33.560 --> 23:38.920] those, those families and, um, because we, a lot of us just, we want to
[23:38.920 --> 23:42.800] be in a relationship and so it's like, Oh, it's like that red flag or this
[23:42.800 --> 23:46.640] or not, it's like, I've like just put blinders on, look the other way.
[23:47.040 --> 23:52.560] And, um, yeah, so it's, it's all about courage is, it's a concept.
[23:52.600 --> 23:57.440] It's all these little steps that you take that basically build,
[23:58.080 --> 23:59.120] build it within you.
[23:59.960 --> 24:02.600] So almost like courage and self-confidence go hand in hand.
[24:03.160 --> 24:03.560] Yeah.
[24:03.840 --> 24:06.800] Because you're taking that next step, almost like stepping out on faith.
[24:08.040 --> 24:10.000] Actually, it is very much though.
[24:10.440 --> 24:14.800] And just trusting that, Hey, the person that I spent that note, she could have
[24:14.800 --> 24:16.840] told, could really respond to that and say, Hey, you know what?
[24:16.840 --> 24:18.000] Like this is just too much.
[24:18.760 --> 24:23.360] And, and understanding that whatever the outcome of that is, is for my greater
[24:23.360 --> 24:26.080] good, it is like something happens.
[24:26.080 --> 24:26.520] Great.
[24:26.560 --> 24:27.720] I get rejected immediately.
[24:27.720 --> 24:28.440] I get blocked.
[24:28.800 --> 24:29.520] It's all good.
[24:30.080 --> 24:33.680] Because at the end of the day, I get to move forward.
[24:34.120 --> 24:35.520] And that's how you get to see it.
[24:35.600 --> 24:37.760] Unlimited mindset versus fixed mindset.
[24:38.000 --> 24:41.800] Unlimited mindset means that in this situation, Hey, you know what?
[24:42.200 --> 24:43.080] I get rejected.
[24:43.120 --> 24:43.360] Yeah.
[24:43.400 --> 24:43.800] You know what?
[24:43.920 --> 24:48.920] Then I know that it's not, this person isn't my person and I get to keep going.
[24:49.800 --> 24:51.400] This person comes back and says, Hey, you know what?
[24:51.400 --> 24:52.520] I really need to think about it.
[24:52.600 --> 24:54.680] Um, give me a day and then we'll have a conversation.
[24:54.960 --> 24:55.320] Great.
[24:55.360 --> 24:59.080] I get to put my boundaries and I still get to, to move forward.
[24:59.080 --> 24:59.600] Move on.
[25:00.400 --> 25:00.760] Dang.
[25:01.360 --> 25:06.560] So what would a man over 40, how would he tap into his boundless potential?
[25:06.600 --> 25:08.080] What are some of the ways he could do that?
[25:08.480 --> 25:12.200] Don't be afraid to sit and take notes in journal.
[25:13.000 --> 25:16.920] Just, and like, I'm not saying like, like, like write papers and
[25:16.920 --> 25:20.600] papers and papers on this, but really just sort of like, like, and you
[25:20.600 --> 25:22.400] wake up in the morning, how are you feeling?
[25:23.000 --> 25:24.960] You wake up at the, you go before we went to bed at night.
[25:24.960 --> 25:26.360] It's like, Hey, it's like, what did I accomplish?
[25:26.360 --> 25:28.520] Like, like what, what stood out for me today?
[25:29.360 --> 25:34.360] And, and by doing that, you'll actually be able to see if there are any patterns
[25:35.000 --> 25:39.360] and you that stand out, because you might realize like on a day to day basis,
[25:39.360 --> 25:42.800] when you're in it, you might not necessarily sort of like, because it's,
[25:42.800 --> 25:44.560] it's, it's the forest from the trees, right?
[25:44.760 --> 25:49.120] It might be so much entrenched that you can't necessarily see the bigger picture.
[25:49.400 --> 25:52.840] But hindsight's 20, 20 a week or two weeks later, remember that's like,
[25:52.840 --> 25:53.640] Hmm, you know what?
[25:53.960 --> 25:57.600] I think I need, there's this, this, this thing that seems to be happening.
[25:57.600 --> 26:00.040] And I think that I need to work on it.
[26:00.600 --> 26:02.760] So whatever that is.
[26:02.880 --> 26:05.360] And sometimes it's something as simple as, Hey, it's like, you know what?
[26:05.360 --> 26:10.200] I realized what I'm out with, um, a specific group of friends that I'm not
[26:10.200 --> 26:14.440] really present that I'm like, I'm, I'm more, like I'm more on my phone.
[26:14.440 --> 26:15.440] It's like, why is that?
[26:16.200 --> 26:17.880] Um, and it might say, Oh, Hey, you know what?
[26:17.880 --> 26:23.320] Like I'm afraid to share to, to maybe have a little bit of intimacy with
[26:23.320 --> 26:29.120] that group because for X or Y reason, you just notice it's like, okay, so great.
[26:29.120 --> 26:32.800] So next time I get together with this group, I'm going to be mindful and maybe
[26:32.800 --> 26:34.960] what I'm going to do is I'm just going to turn the phone off and just, just
[26:35.080 --> 26:40.200] put it in my pocket and that way I'll cut down on the temptation.
[26:40.640 --> 26:43.920] Or if the phone's turned off, when I pull it up, it's like, Oh, it's like
[26:43.920 --> 26:45.520] turning the phone on, it takes a minute or two.
[26:45.520 --> 26:47.320] So just leave it, just leave it off.
[26:47.320 --> 26:51.680] And then just those little reminders that you can, little things that you can do
[26:51.880 --> 26:53.320] to kind of help yourself along the way.
[26:53.880 --> 26:54.600] Oh, definitely.
[26:55.040 --> 26:57.320] And the last question, either or not, man, so a lot of
[26:57.320 --> 26:58.480] knowledge you just dropped on us.
[26:58.920 --> 27:02.960] What would you say is the most important thing, quality part of helping
[27:02.960 --> 27:05.720] divorce men over 40, uh, with their recovery.
[27:05.760 --> 27:08.640] The one thing you were stressed out of everything you've talked about.
[27:08.920 --> 27:11.720] What's that one thing that, that resonates with you?
[27:13.000 --> 27:20.640] Is you're not alone and whatever happened, that seemed to find or get
[27:20.640 --> 27:25.400] to define who you will be a week from now, a month from now, or four
[27:25.400 --> 27:28.800] years down the line and don't let it define you.
[27:30.360 --> 27:35.680] That's three things, but we're going to go ahead and hook up in the one.
[27:36.120 --> 27:39.760] But, but Yannick, man, thank you very much for, for talking with this.
[27:39.800 --> 27:43.440] I'm going to, yeah, this is, you made me think about a couple of things
[27:43.720 --> 27:45.200] and I've been divorced 12 years.
[27:45.280 --> 27:46.480] So yeah, thanks.
[27:46.560 --> 27:47.160] Thanks for that.
[27:47.200 --> 27:47.560] Yeah.
[27:48.280 --> 27:48.680] Yeah.
[27:48.760 --> 27:52.960] And if there's one thing, if you think you might be self sabotaging, there's,
[27:53.000 --> 27:54.520] there's one thing that I'll recommend.
[27:54.520 --> 27:56.800] There's the self sabotage assessment.
[27:56.840 --> 27:59.400] And I don't know, maybe you can put it in the show notes or a link to
[27:59.400 --> 28:03.480] in the show notes, um, where people can do and it's, it's, it's free.
[28:03.600 --> 28:05.080] It takes about setting minutes.
[28:05.120 --> 28:09.240] You'll get the results back in an email and it might actually give you
[28:09.240 --> 28:11.560] some clues of some of the things that are in your blind spot.
[28:12.520 --> 28:13.240] Oh, interesting.
[28:13.560 --> 28:16.040] Why don't you tell us about where they can find you on the, on the
[28:16.040 --> 28:17.440] internet and all that good stuff.
[28:17.440 --> 28:21.360] And I'll have those at the show notes also, but go ahead and speak on that.
[28:21.880 --> 28:22.760] Yeah, absolutely.
[28:22.800 --> 28:25.320] I'm, I'm mostly on LinkedIn.
[28:25.360 --> 28:27.080] So you can find me on LinkedIn.
[28:27.360 --> 28:31.360] My name, Yannick Picard, or you can also find me on Instagram.
[28:31.440 --> 28:34.760] And my Instagram handle is at the naked coach.
[28:34.880 --> 28:35.520] No way.
[28:35.720 --> 28:36.280] No way.
[28:39.960 --> 28:40.800] All right, everybody.
[28:40.800 --> 28:44.160] We want to thank you for listening and we want to thank Yannick for,
[28:44.240 --> 28:47.320] for talking with us and we'll have all that information down
[28:47.320 --> 28:48.800] in the bottom of the show notes and go through there.
[28:48.800 --> 28:50.160] But you guys have a good night.
[28:50.520 --> 28:50.760] All right.
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