Stop Micromanaging in Your Divorce Recovery / Dr. Etel Leit, PhD. || DPTSP #047 || David M. Webb

[00:00:12] [SPEAKER_02]: Welcome to the Don't Pick the Scab Podcast with the premise of connecting men over 40 with

[00:00:19] [SPEAKER_02]: the tools and community to thrive in their divorce recovery either before, during or after

[00:00:25] [SPEAKER_02]: a divorce.

[00:00:26] [SPEAKER_02]: Welcome everybody out there to Don't Pick the Scab Podcast Episode 47.

[00:00:30] [SPEAKER_02]: We have Dr. Etel Leit to the show.

[00:00:33] [SPEAKER_02]: In addition to her doctorate in psychology, her special powers are helping clients with

[00:00:38] [SPEAKER_02]: communication, self-expression and relationships for over 20 years, but she doesn't look that

[00:00:44] [SPEAKER_02]: old.

[00:00:44] [SPEAKER_02]: She's a professor and a mentor.

[00:00:46] [SPEAKER_02]: She owns a Sign Shine, a parenting center in Beverly Hills.

[00:00:52] [SPEAKER_02]: I want to talk about that too.

[00:00:53] [SPEAKER_02]: And she has a couple of bestseller books.

[00:00:56] [SPEAKER_02]: We're going to talk about that also.

[00:00:57] [SPEAKER_02]: And she says her books are her babies.

[00:01:00] [SPEAKER_02]: That's pretty simple to have babies like that.

[00:01:03] [SPEAKER_02]: Pretty nice.

[00:01:04] [SPEAKER_02]: We're going to center in two things with Dr. Leit, what I call anti-cultipenacy and

[00:01:09] [SPEAKER_02]: then discuss one of my favorite topics, co-parentery.

[00:01:12] [SPEAKER_02]: Tell us a bit about your journey to this moment and I'll have a few questions for

[00:01:16] [SPEAKER_02]: you.

[00:01:16] [SPEAKER_02]: But let's start with the brush with death.

[00:01:19] [SPEAKER_02]: That's interesting.

[00:01:21] [SPEAKER_01]: First of all, thank you so much for having me, David.

[00:01:24] [SPEAKER_01]: Your sense of humor and your story inspires me to sit here and be interviewed by you.

[00:01:31] [SPEAKER_01]: This is unbelievable.

[00:01:33] [SPEAKER_01]: Can we repeat it?

[00:01:34] [SPEAKER_01]: So new listeners will know that you're actually a dentist.

[00:01:39] [SPEAKER_02]: Hey, there you go.

[00:01:41] [SPEAKER_00]: Yes.

[00:01:42] [SPEAKER_00]: We have to mention it.

[00:01:44] [SPEAKER_00]: Unbelievable.

[00:01:45] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm inspired.

[00:01:47] [SPEAKER_02]: All right.

[00:01:48] [SPEAKER_02]: Let's start with co-parency.

[00:01:49] [SPEAKER_02]: So my guys, they're divorced.

[00:01:53] [SPEAKER_02]: They're over 40 or they're going through a divorce.

[00:01:55] [SPEAKER_02]: So they've been dependent on this, the spouse forever.

[00:01:59] [SPEAKER_02]: They've been married 15, 20 years.

[00:02:02] [SPEAKER_02]: Then all of a sudden that dependency breaks.

[00:02:04] [SPEAKER_02]: How should they handle that?

[00:02:06] [SPEAKER_02]: And what are some of the things they can do?

[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_01]: Great question.

[00:02:11] [SPEAKER_01]: And you really dove in.

[00:02:12] [SPEAKER_01]: Boom.

[00:02:13] [SPEAKER_01]: Oh yeah.

[00:02:13] [SPEAKER_01]: Boom.

[00:02:14] [SPEAKER_01]: Heck yeah.

[00:02:14] [SPEAKER_02]: We're messing around here.

[00:02:15] [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[00:02:16] [SPEAKER_01]: Boom.

[00:02:17] [SPEAKER_01]: Divorce is a loss.

[00:02:19] [SPEAKER_01]: Divorce is a loss.

[00:02:20] [SPEAKER_01]: And usually when we go through any loss, and I'm going to review a few of the loss that

[00:02:25] [SPEAKER_01]: we can have in our lives, this is uncomfortable.

[00:02:29] [SPEAKER_01]: It's uncomfortable because whatever we know, whatever we knew before, the way that we

[00:02:34] [SPEAKER_01]: went on our life is no longer exist.

[00:02:38] [SPEAKER_01]: And it feels like clearly somebody opened a big hole when you dive in.

[00:02:42] [SPEAKER_01]: So not only a loss in relationship, it could be a loss of a person, loss of hell, loss

[00:02:47] [SPEAKER_01]: of money, loss of career.

[00:02:50] [SPEAKER_01]: Any loss brings into the, wow, can I really stand by myself?

[00:02:55] [SPEAKER_01]: Can I do it alone now?

[00:02:57] [SPEAKER_01]: And then you go into the grief, which is very natural.

[00:03:01] [SPEAKER_01]: So when people experience this grief and this feeling of heaviness and this feeling of

[00:03:06] [SPEAKER_01]: sometimes you can even grieve.

[00:03:07] [SPEAKER_01]: David, like I know too many people who went to going to divorce, sometimes they

[00:03:12] [SPEAKER_01]: can even grieve.

[00:03:13] [SPEAKER_01]: And of course, everybody knows the D diet, which is the divorce diet too.

[00:03:18] [SPEAKER_01]: You feel that you cannot function by yourself because everything that was your

[00:03:21] [SPEAKER_01]: reality before is gone, including the person that you handled your life with, a

[00:03:29] [SPEAKER_01]: person that you slept in bed with or into the living room sometimes and had

[00:03:34] [SPEAKER_01]: your family brought money, did house, children and so forth.

[00:03:39] [SPEAKER_01]: So the illusion at first is I can do it by myself.

[00:03:42] [SPEAKER_01]: I can do it by myself and beginning of recovery, beginning of healing is

[00:03:49] [SPEAKER_01]: actually learning when my and if I can do it by myself or not.

[00:03:55] [SPEAKER_03]: Wow.

[00:03:58] [SPEAKER_03]: Go ahead.

[00:03:58] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm just hearing myself twice.

[00:04:01] [SPEAKER_01]: That's why maybe I should take off my air pod or.

[00:04:05] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, because I hit the echo cancellation.

[00:04:08] [SPEAKER_01]: The echo.

[00:04:10] [SPEAKER_01]: If I'm going to return that, go.

[00:04:13] [SPEAKER_03]: Air pod.

[00:04:14] [SPEAKER_03]: Let's do that.

[00:04:18] [SPEAKER_03]: See?

[00:04:19] [SPEAKER_03]: Is that better?

[00:04:20] [SPEAKER_03]: Justing.

[00:04:21] [SPEAKER_03]: All right.

[00:04:21] [SPEAKER_03]: There we go.

[00:04:22] [SPEAKER_03]: Hell.

[00:04:22] [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, yes.

[00:04:23] [SPEAKER_01]: Much better.

[00:04:25] [SPEAKER_03]: All right.

[00:04:25] [SPEAKER_01]: So you adjust.

[00:04:26] [SPEAKER_01]: Funny like I adjusted with my AirPods.

[00:04:28] [SPEAKER_01]: You adjust your new life, but sometimes it feels really scary and some

[00:04:32] [SPEAKER_01]: people leave with this codependency on the relationship.

[00:04:36] [SPEAKER_01]: Now there is the healthy dependency and there was the codependency.

[00:04:39] [SPEAKER_01]: When you are trapped in the cycle of another person, how many people came to

[00:04:46] [SPEAKER_01]: my clinic and they said, Oh my God, I really want to get divorced and I can't

[00:04:50] [SPEAKER_01]: live with this person anymore.

[00:04:51] [SPEAKER_01]: And the way that they talk to me and they want to treat me and the

[00:04:53] [SPEAKER_01]: waiters that and then once their divorce was separated, they actually

[00:04:58] [SPEAKER_01]: in a very funny way, they crave this.

[00:05:01] [SPEAKER_01]: If we're right now, this cycle and they're like, wow.

[00:05:04] [SPEAKER_01]: And then they operate from this.

[00:05:06] [SPEAKER_01]: I would call it the drama and chaos by texting, by phone calls, by

[00:05:11] [SPEAKER_01]: micromanaging and we go through the cycle.

[00:05:14] [SPEAKER_01]: And again, cause the bottom line is I don't believe that I can do it by

[00:05:18] [SPEAKER_01]: myself. So I need to know the person.

[00:05:21] [SPEAKER_01]: Let's do it together.

[00:05:22] [SPEAKER_02]: Wow.

[00:05:23] [SPEAKER_02]: What about self care?

[00:05:25] [SPEAKER_02]: That's one thing that Rachel and I talk about a lot on the divorce

[00:05:28] [SPEAKER_02]: level. A lot of people don't center that at all, especially when you

[00:05:33] [SPEAKER_02]: have kids like when the plane's going down, but you put your mask on

[00:05:36] [SPEAKER_02]: first because you don't, you want to pass out.

[00:05:38] [SPEAKER_02]: You can't save your kids.

[00:05:39] [SPEAKER_02]: So what about that?

[00:05:40] Right.

[00:05:41] [SPEAKER_01]: Wow.

[00:05:42] [SPEAKER_01]: I can tell you so much about it.

[00:05:45] [SPEAKER_01]: When a couple meet in the beginning, they really put each other.

[00:05:50] [SPEAKER_01]: The relationship, I would say, they put their relationship on a

[00:05:53] [SPEAKER_01]: pedestal for the man, girls, king and the woman feels it.

[00:05:56] [SPEAKER_01]: When I'm really talking a lot in my conversation about it,

[00:05:59] [SPEAKER_01]: twin and the king, because I truly believe that this is the

[00:06:02] [SPEAKER_01]: essence of relationship.

[00:06:03] [SPEAKER_01]: Instead of going and looking what's not, go look for what is

[00:06:07] [SPEAKER_01]: there.

[00:06:08] [SPEAKER_01]: And then you make the other person feel really existing in the

[00:06:12] [SPEAKER_01]: relationship.

[00:06:13] [SPEAKER_01]: Then you look for the good things in that relationship.

[00:06:16] [SPEAKER_01]: And that's the beauty.

[00:06:17] [SPEAKER_01]: But slowly life comes in, kids come in and guess what?

[00:06:22] [SPEAKER_01]: As I told you, I'm a parenting consultant for many years.

[00:06:25] [SPEAKER_01]: People parent differently.

[00:06:27] [SPEAKER_01]: Wow.

[00:06:28] [SPEAKER_01]: Who knew?

[00:06:28] [SPEAKER_01]: Not only your neighbor parent differently than you do, not

[00:06:32] [SPEAKER_01]: only your own parent differently than you do, but also a mom

[00:06:35] [SPEAKER_01]: and a dad parents differently.

[00:06:37] [SPEAKER_01]: So I'll give you like a little bit.

[00:06:39] [SPEAKER_01]: I know that men loves that, right?

[00:06:41] [SPEAKER_01]: We all have right brain and left brain.

[00:06:43] [SPEAKER_01]: Did you hear about that?

[00:06:44] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:06:44] [SPEAKER_01]: So we're prone for solutions more from right or left brain.

[00:06:49] [SPEAKER_01]: So for example, anyone that is creative is more of a right

[00:06:53] [SPEAKER_01]: brain.

[00:06:53] [SPEAKER_01]: For example, artists, writers, musicians, dancers, all

[00:06:58] [SPEAKER_01]: problems to right brain.

[00:07:00] [SPEAKER_01]: Everything that has to do with logic, money, statistic is

[00:07:04] [SPEAKER_01]: left brain.

[00:07:05] [SPEAKER_01]: And what happens when we have a mom and a dad in the

[00:07:08] [SPEAKER_01]: household?

[00:07:09] [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes the solutions that each one of them will find are

[00:07:13] [SPEAKER_01]: prone to right or left brain.

[00:07:15] [SPEAKER_01]: Right.

[00:07:16] [SPEAKER_01]: So here we have a baby's crying and now we have two

[00:07:19] [SPEAKER_01]: solutions to this crying.

[00:07:21] [SPEAKER_01]: So instead of going into your right and your wrong and you

[00:07:24] [SPEAKER_01]: should do that and you should put him to six but seven

[00:07:26] [SPEAKER_01]: and you should wait and you should cut a little.

[00:07:28] [SPEAKER_01]: It should have a break, which brings a lot of issues in the

[00:07:30] [SPEAKER_01]: house.

[00:07:31] [SPEAKER_01]: It's just sitting and thinking, okay, what solution am I bringing

[00:07:35] [SPEAKER_01]: here brain or left brain?

[00:07:37] [SPEAKER_01]: Because I am, I don't know, a money market guy and she is

[00:07:40] [SPEAKER_01]: more of an artist.

[00:07:42] [SPEAKER_01]: So just looking at that, it has more of a compassion to how

[00:07:45] [SPEAKER_01]: do I find my solution rather than pointing fingers at no,

[00:07:48] [SPEAKER_01]: you're wrong and you should do what I said and then

[00:07:50] [SPEAKER_01]: making usually making one of the parents feeling not

[00:07:54] [SPEAKER_01]: enough because if my solution that I bring is not enough,

[00:07:58] [SPEAKER_01]: then I'm not enough.

[00:08:00] [SPEAKER_01]: It's sense this head butting starts.

[00:08:04] [SPEAKER_02]: Talk about head butting.

[00:08:05] [SPEAKER_02]: Let's dive into anger.

[00:08:07] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, that was my deal, baby.

[00:08:08] [SPEAKER_02]: Anger.

[00:08:09] [SPEAKER_02]: How can men table that anger or redistribute or move it

[00:08:14] [SPEAKER_02]: someplace else because we're more, we are more or

[00:08:19] [SPEAKER_02]: geared toward not showing emotions, keep it bottled up

[00:08:22] [SPEAKER_02]: and then it blows up.

[00:08:24] [SPEAKER_02]: What can a man do to control that anger and that confusion?

[00:08:30] [SPEAKER_01]: That's the question that many women also ask or many men

[00:08:33] [SPEAKER_01]: ask about women.

[00:08:34] [SPEAKER_01]: Let's go away in history.

[00:08:36] [SPEAKER_01]: Are you ready to come with me and adventure, David?

[00:08:38] [SPEAKER_02]: There we go.

[00:08:39] [SPEAKER_02]: Yep.

[00:08:40] [SPEAKER_01]: There we go.

[00:08:40] [SPEAKER_01]: So we are humans and I will say we are monkeys.

[00:08:43] [SPEAKER_01]: We're humans.

[00:08:45] [SPEAKER_01]: Four or five thousand years ago, we used to hunt and when

[00:08:48] [SPEAKER_01]: a man used to go hunt by the way ladies, that's why a

[00:08:53] [SPEAKER_01]: man left to chase a woman.

[00:08:55] [SPEAKER_01]: There is the hunting.

[00:08:55] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm a very like feminine role and a masculine role in

[00:08:59] [SPEAKER_01]: practice.

[00:09:00] [SPEAKER_01]: I know it's not about men and a woman.

[00:09:02] [SPEAKER_01]: It's a feminine role, a masculine role.

[00:09:04] [SPEAKER_01]: And when a man goes to hunt, why?

[00:09:08] [SPEAKER_01]: This is the fight.

[00:09:10] [SPEAKER_01]: He comes to the tribe, shows his whatever he hunted

[00:09:13] [SPEAKER_01]: like the deer or and he feels really proud.

[00:09:17] [SPEAKER_01]: Right.

[00:09:18] [SPEAKER_01]: And what happens to the woman when a man comes with

[00:09:20] [SPEAKER_01]: a hunting?

[00:09:22] [SPEAKER_01]: What does a man wants when he comes with his hunting

[00:09:24] [SPEAKER_01]: to the woman?

[00:09:26] [SPEAKER_01]: Immediately.

[00:09:28] [SPEAKER_01]: David, what does he want?

[00:09:29] [SPEAKER_02]: Terrence praises.

[00:09:30] [SPEAKER_02]: Yes.

[00:09:32] [SPEAKER_01]: Oh my God, you're in you did it by yourself.

[00:09:35] [SPEAKER_01]: Oh my God, that's unbelievable.

[00:09:36] [SPEAKER_01]: This is the competition also that man has right.

[00:09:39] [SPEAKER_01]: They are going to hunt the bigger hunt and the more

[00:09:42] [SPEAKER_01]: mainly I am.

[00:09:43] [SPEAKER_01]: But let's say that we are hunting men are hunting

[00:09:45] [SPEAKER_01]: and all night time.

[00:09:46] [SPEAKER_01]: It's really dark outside, no moonlight and they

[00:09:49] [SPEAKER_01]: hear big thumps of an animal could be a big bear

[00:09:53] [SPEAKER_01]: or a lion.

[00:09:54] [SPEAKER_01]: And this it says to the brain says to the primal

[00:09:59] [SPEAKER_01]: brain to the amygdala, there is dangerous outside.

[00:10:02] [SPEAKER_01]: Right.

[00:10:03] [SPEAKER_01]: Dark.

[00:10:04] [SPEAKER_01]: You're a big animal.

[00:10:05] [SPEAKER_01]: What is the reaction of the brain?

[00:10:09] [SPEAKER_01]: And there are four ways.

[00:10:11] [SPEAKER_01]: And when you understand that it's the one step

[00:10:13] [SPEAKER_01]: before the anger.

[00:10:15] [SPEAKER_01]: So different people react different say sometimes

[00:10:17] [SPEAKER_01]: in two ways.

[00:10:18] [SPEAKER_01]: OK, also women do, but mainly it and also men.

[00:10:22] [SPEAKER_01]: So I call it, I'm sure you've heard it, the fight of

[00:10:25] [SPEAKER_01]: flight.

[00:10:26] [SPEAKER_03]: Correct.

[00:10:26] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm adding to it freeze or fun.

[00:10:29] [SPEAKER_01]: And this is what we learn as children to react

[00:10:32] [SPEAKER_01]: when we are afraid.

[00:10:34] [SPEAKER_01]: The first one is fight.

[00:10:36] [SPEAKER_01]: Like you see the animal.

[00:10:37] [SPEAKER_01]: What do you do?

[00:10:37] [SPEAKER_01]: You kill the animal because behind you there

[00:10:39] [SPEAKER_01]: was like the kids and the babies and the women.

[00:10:42] [SPEAKER_01]: So you're going to kill the animal.

[00:10:43] [SPEAKER_01]: So it's not going to protect the right.

[00:10:47] [SPEAKER_01]: That's the fight.

[00:10:47] [SPEAKER_01]: If the one is flight.

[00:10:50] [SPEAKER_01]: Animals too big, you're not going to kill a

[00:10:52] [SPEAKER_01]: huge big bear.

[00:10:53] [SPEAKER_01]: So what do you do?

[00:10:55] [SPEAKER_01]: For a run away.

[00:10:57] [SPEAKER_01]: We're running some children when they run away,

[00:11:00] [SPEAKER_01]: they actually go to the room and put a blanket

[00:11:01] [SPEAKER_01]: with their head or run outside or run to

[00:11:04] [SPEAKER_01]: the neighbor to grandma.

[00:11:06] [SPEAKER_01]: So we have the fight.

[00:11:07] [SPEAKER_01]: We have the fly.

[00:11:08] [SPEAKER_01]: The third one is a freeze, which actually

[00:11:10] [SPEAKER_01]: many people to say to do with animals.

[00:11:12] [SPEAKER_01]: You just freeze.

[00:11:13] [SPEAKER_01]: Many people, many kids just freeze.

[00:11:15] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm sure you heard about the parents

[00:11:17] [SPEAKER_01]: like, why don't you say anything?

[00:11:19] [SPEAKER_01]: The child cannot actually say anything.

[00:11:21] [SPEAKER_01]: They're freezing.

[00:11:22] [SPEAKER_01]: The fear is so intense that you freeze.

[00:11:25] [SPEAKER_01]: And that also in relationships.

[00:11:27] [SPEAKER_01]: And the last one, the last F, that's the

[00:11:29] [SPEAKER_01]: F words is a fun F A double blue and

[00:11:32] [SPEAKER_01]: fun means people pleasing as children.

[00:11:35] [SPEAKER_01]: We organize the room, we bring straight

[00:11:38] [SPEAKER_01]: A's, we tell them I'm not going to do it again.

[00:11:40] [SPEAKER_01]: That's the funny.

[00:11:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Hey, in nature, it's you see a big animal

[00:11:44] [SPEAKER_01]: you bring to the big animal, the little sheep.

[00:11:47] [SPEAKER_01]: So the animal is going to be busy with the sheep

[00:11:49] [SPEAKER_01]: and with it right away.

[00:11:50] [SPEAKER_01]: That's right.

[00:11:52] [SPEAKER_01]: There you go.

[00:11:52] [SPEAKER_01]: Nature is up here that the four Fs.

[00:11:56] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:11:57] [SPEAKER_01]: And everyone has their F that they

[00:12:00] [SPEAKER_01]: automatically go to.

[00:12:02] [SPEAKER_03]: Wow.

[00:12:03] [SPEAKER_01]: And listen, if you think about when you are

[00:12:06] [SPEAKER_01]: afraid or you upset at something, what do you do?

[00:12:09] [SPEAKER_01]: Are you yellow?

[00:12:11] [SPEAKER_01]: Are you a people pleaser?

[00:12:13] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm a quiet guy.

[00:12:13] [SPEAKER_02]: So is a quiet part of the freezing?

[00:12:17] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, quiet is the freezing.

[00:12:19] [SPEAKER_01]: Born say a word.

[00:12:21] [SPEAKER_01]: And there was a quiet and there was like

[00:12:23] [SPEAKER_01]: storming through the other room,

[00:12:25] [SPEAKER_01]: storming to the other room's flight.

[00:12:26] [SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to deal with it.

[00:12:28] [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, let's go to the silent treatments.

[00:12:30] [SPEAKER_01]: What do you think the silent

[00:12:31] [SPEAKER_01]: retrends are?

[00:12:34] [SPEAKER_03]: Freeze.

[00:12:37] [SPEAKER_01]: The freeze in the flying because

[00:12:38] [SPEAKER_01]: people don't want to deal with it.

[00:12:39] [SPEAKER_01]: They're free to deal with it.

[00:12:41] [SPEAKER_01]: And they

[00:12:41] [SPEAKER_01]: shoot.

[00:12:42] [SPEAKER_01]: And that's exactly anger.

[00:12:45] [SPEAKER_01]: Anger is they're reacting with a fight.

[00:12:49] [SPEAKER_01]: They need to find my way into it.

[00:12:52] [SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes it goes really deep when

[00:12:53] [SPEAKER_01]: it's like some words and sometimes it's

[00:12:56] [SPEAKER_01]: the anger towards yourself, the anger

[00:12:59] [SPEAKER_01]: towards the kids, the anger towards

[00:13:01] [SPEAKER_01]: your spouse and so forth.

[00:13:03] [SPEAKER_01]: So this is when I explain when people

[00:13:04] [SPEAKER_01]: ask me about anger.

[00:13:06] [SPEAKER_01]: Let's go to understand why.

[00:13:08] [SPEAKER_01]: And usually people react the same way

[00:13:10] [SPEAKER_01]: that they saw at home.

[00:13:12] [SPEAKER_01]: If they saw a dad that is fighting,

[00:13:15] [SPEAKER_01]: probably they will either fight or freeze.

[00:13:17] [SPEAKER_01]: It's either the same way or the opposite.

[00:13:19] [SPEAKER_01]: If they saw a mom that is, oh my God,

[00:13:21] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to break you.

[00:13:22] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to cook.

[00:13:23] [SPEAKER_01]: You don't have to or a dad that is

[00:13:25] [SPEAKER_01]: trying to please the woman.

[00:13:26] [SPEAKER_01]: That's where they're going to.

[00:13:27] [SPEAKER_01]: So when you understand that it's not

[00:13:29] [SPEAKER_01]: about oh God, I'm such a horrible

[00:13:32] [SPEAKER_01]: man and I was yelling again.

[00:13:34] [SPEAKER_01]: I was fighting again.

[00:13:35] [SPEAKER_01]: I was angry again.

[00:13:37] [SPEAKER_01]: It's about, wow, what did I learn?

[00:13:40] [SPEAKER_01]: What did I learn when I was young

[00:13:42] [SPEAKER_01]: for my parents?

[00:13:43] [SPEAKER_01]: How do I, when I go to hunt,

[00:13:45] [SPEAKER_01]: what is my first tree?

[00:13:47] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, actually, I see a big huge

[00:13:48] [SPEAKER_01]: bear lion.

[00:13:50] [SPEAKER_01]: Isn't that much better than to just

[00:13:52] [SPEAKER_01]: put yourself down about feeling angry?

[00:13:55] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, definitely.

[00:13:56] [SPEAKER_02]: Wow.

[00:13:57] [SPEAKER_02]: Less shift gears to kid kiddos.

[00:14:01] [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, bam.

[00:14:03] [SPEAKER_02]: I think co-parenting and divorce

[00:14:05] [SPEAKER_02]: or divorcing is almost not even correct

[00:14:10] [SPEAKER_02]: because when it's contentious, most

[00:14:12] [SPEAKER_02]: of the time it's two parents.

[00:14:14] [SPEAKER_02]: It's two people parenting separately.

[00:14:16] [SPEAKER_02]: And that's kind of what happened to me.

[00:14:17] [SPEAKER_02]: And we got through it.

[00:14:18] [SPEAKER_02]: My kids are grown and they're gone

[00:14:20] [SPEAKER_02]: and they're reasonably OK.

[00:14:23] [SPEAKER_02]: But there's so many facets of co-parenting.

[00:14:27] [SPEAKER_02]: And when it's contentious, it's really,

[00:14:29] [SPEAKER_02]: really bad.

[00:14:31] [SPEAKER_02]: And they say, because in Colorado,

[00:14:34] [SPEAKER_02]: you have to go to a class when

[00:14:35] [SPEAKER_02]: you get in the forest and it's a co-parenting class.

[00:14:38] [SPEAKER_02]: And it's a 1959 civil defense.

[00:14:42] [SPEAKER_02]: Don't use the kids as ponds.

[00:14:44] [SPEAKER_02]: It's a horrible film.

[00:14:46] [SPEAKER_02]: About 45 minutes that you have to go to.

[00:14:48] [SPEAKER_02]: And it's pretty much common sense,

[00:14:51] [SPEAKER_02]: but so many parents, men and women

[00:14:53] [SPEAKER_02]: used kids as ponds.

[00:14:55] [SPEAKER_02]: What's up with that?

[00:14:59] [SPEAKER_01]: When you feel, no, you David, right?

[00:15:02] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you generally OK.

[00:15:05] [SPEAKER_01]: You generally listeners who are

[00:15:07] [SPEAKER_01]: getting through a divorce or a division

[00:15:10] [SPEAKER_01]: feel that it means control, right?

[00:15:12] [SPEAKER_01]: Because in a way, getting divorces, losing control.

[00:15:15] [SPEAKER_01]: All of a sudden, the decisions, your life,

[00:15:18] [SPEAKER_01]: your kids' decision, your home, you lose control.

[00:15:21] [SPEAKER_01]: Remember I talked about losing control and grief?

[00:15:24] [SPEAKER_01]: Some people want to literally hold on to something.

[00:15:28] [SPEAKER_01]: What can I control?

[00:15:30] [SPEAKER_01]: How can I control when there was chaos outside?

[00:15:32] [SPEAKER_01]: The illusion is I'm going to organize it inside,

[00:15:35] [SPEAKER_01]: but it's just an illusion because it's best of what the brain does.

[00:15:39] [SPEAKER_01]: And some people are, fortunately, used their kids,

[00:15:42] [SPEAKER_01]: as you call it, the Polly as a weapon,

[00:15:46] [SPEAKER_01]: even against each other, because I'm going to punish one

[00:15:51] [SPEAKER_01]: in order to show you, right?

[00:15:53] [SPEAKER_01]: And I can tell you my story.

[00:15:55] [SPEAKER_01]: This is how my book started.

[00:15:57] [SPEAKER_01]: I was born to a family of six children.

[00:16:00] [SPEAKER_01]: I am the eldest and my parents loved each other.

[00:16:05] [SPEAKER_01]: They were crazy about each other.

[00:16:07] [SPEAKER_01]: They were crazy about each other.

[00:16:10] [SPEAKER_01]: Like, literally, it was a chaos, the craziness, the name.

[00:16:15] [SPEAKER_01]: When they were in love, the entire strict knew that they were in love.

[00:16:18] [SPEAKER_01]: My dad used to sing songs to my mom.

[00:16:20] [SPEAKER_01]: She used to cook for him.

[00:16:21] [SPEAKER_01]: It was amazing.

[00:16:22] [SPEAKER_01]: But when my dad and my mom had their fights,

[00:16:26] [SPEAKER_01]: the entire city knew about that.

[00:16:29] [SPEAKER_01]: It was unbearable.

[00:16:31] [SPEAKER_01]: And when they got divorced, when I was 14,

[00:16:33] [SPEAKER_01]: my youngest brother was three months old, I was really happy.

[00:16:36] [SPEAKER_01]: But then with six kids became the pawns of my mom

[00:16:41] [SPEAKER_01]: because she couldn't control my dad anymore.

[00:16:44] [SPEAKER_01]: He was, quote unquote, free.

[00:16:46] [SPEAKER_01]: Back in the time there was no like today, 50-50.

[00:16:48] [SPEAKER_01]: Usually the women took most of the time with the kid.

[00:16:51] [SPEAKER_02]: Correct.

[00:16:52] [SPEAKER_01]: And wait to punish him that he left her.

[00:16:55] [SPEAKER_01]: He's actually left her for a younger woman was to use as the weapon.

[00:17:01] [SPEAKER_01]: And it was really to the extreme today.

[00:17:03] [SPEAKER_01]: It's a little bit less because of the family court,

[00:17:05] [SPEAKER_01]: but we were not allowed to even see my dad or talk to my dad for periods of time.

[00:17:10] [SPEAKER_01]: And today my dad is my best friend.

[00:17:11] [SPEAKER_01]: He is absolutely.

[00:17:13] [SPEAKER_01]: That's cool.

[00:17:14] [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm so happy that I could make the choices.

[00:17:16] [SPEAKER_01]: But some parents used to their favor,

[00:17:19] [SPEAKER_01]: the benefit that their children cannot make choices.

[00:17:22] [SPEAKER_01]: And this is a re-read alert because you don't know what you're going to do

[00:17:26] [SPEAKER_01]: to the kids when they're older.

[00:17:28] [SPEAKER_01]: These kids are going to carry on their shoulders,

[00:17:30] [SPEAKER_01]: all the baggage that you are putting in them right now.

[00:17:35] [SPEAKER_01]: So rule number one, really rule number one, are you ready?

[00:17:39] [SPEAKER_01]: Listeners, stop micromanaging.

[00:17:43] [SPEAKER_01]: I can tell you when I got divorced,

[00:17:44] [SPEAKER_01]: the one thing that I did is I didn't micromanage with my kids.

[00:17:49] [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, they're two households.

[00:17:51] [SPEAKER_01]: And how beautiful that they're two households.

[00:17:53] [SPEAKER_01]: They could experience things with him and things with me.

[00:17:57] [SPEAKER_01]: We had a few things that we agreed on and that was something that is,

[00:18:00] [SPEAKER_01]: but not a lot because I didn't want to go into this nitpicking.

[00:18:05] [SPEAKER_01]: When you go into nitpicking, it's only your desire to conform.

[00:18:08] [SPEAKER_01]: So from here, I'm going to bring some props.

[00:18:11] [SPEAKER_01]: I have two props here.

[00:18:13] [SPEAKER_03]: All right.

[00:18:15] [SPEAKER_01]: Every divorced man should have a woman, right?

[00:18:17] [SPEAKER_01]: So the first one, can you tell the listeners who do not see me?

[00:18:21] [SPEAKER_02]: It is a magnifying glass.

[00:18:23] [SPEAKER_01]: Exactly.

[00:18:24] [SPEAKER_01]: It's a magnifying glass.

[00:18:26] [SPEAKER_01]: And the second prop is a mirror.

[00:18:30] [SPEAKER_01]: It's a mirror in the shape of a heart.

[00:18:32] [SPEAKER_01]: A heart.

[00:18:32] [SPEAKER_01]: So this is a one chapter in my book.

[00:18:35] [SPEAKER_01]: Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror.

[00:18:40] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to repeat it again.

[00:18:41] [SPEAKER_01]: Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror.

[00:18:44] [SPEAKER_01]: When you use the magnifying glass to nitpick somebody, to micromanage

[00:18:48] [SPEAKER_01]: another relationship, to make it so hard for someone else.

[00:18:52] [SPEAKER_01]: Just put it down.

[00:18:54] [SPEAKER_01]: Pick up the mirror and start being honest about your life.

[00:18:57] [SPEAKER_01]: Use a coach, a therapist, someone that will walk you in because like you,

[00:19:02] [SPEAKER_01]: walks many admin so they can walk you and be accountable.

[00:19:06] [SPEAKER_01]: But the more you're going to look at yourself and what you're doing in a very loving way.

[00:19:10] [SPEAKER_01]: Nothing that I said to self load said that you're bad.

[00:19:14] [SPEAKER_01]: The less anxiety you have about the other person and guess what?

[00:19:19] [SPEAKER_01]: The kids are going to grow to be self confident children

[00:19:23] [SPEAKER_01]: because they're trusted instead of being the pawns in between two households.

[00:19:28] [SPEAKER_01]: It's horrible, I can tell you.

[00:19:29] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:19:30] [SPEAKER_02]: So you talked about it before.

[00:19:33] [SPEAKER_02]: I am a proponent of never staying for the kids

[00:19:36] [SPEAKER_02]: because all you're teaching them is how to live in a dysfunctional household.

[00:19:42] [SPEAKER_02]: But what can you speak to that?

[00:19:43] [SPEAKER_02]: Because some people stay together for less way to the kids, graduate college or high

[00:19:47] [SPEAKER_02]: school with no man.

[00:19:49] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:19:52] [SPEAKER_01]: So we're teaching kids when we are staying quote unquote for the kids.

[00:19:55] [SPEAKER_01]: We're teaching them to lie.

[00:19:57] [SPEAKER_01]: We're teaching them not to be honest with a self with one self.

[00:20:01] [SPEAKER_01]: Right.

[00:20:02] [SPEAKER_01]: We teach them that this is what your children needs to see.

[00:20:06] [SPEAKER_01]: This is not love.

[00:20:08] [SPEAKER_01]: Right.

[00:20:08] [SPEAKER_01]: It's exactly when people when they get divorced and we're going step forward

[00:20:12] [SPEAKER_01]: like I don't want to have relationship as long as my kids are young.

[00:20:15] [SPEAKER_01]: So they're folding their kids to see and view what is real love.

[00:20:20] [SPEAKER_03]: Correct.

[00:20:20] [SPEAKER_01]: What is real love?

[00:20:21] [SPEAKER_01]: Is the relationship between a man and a woman if you're going to wait until your kids are 18

[00:20:26] [SPEAKER_01]: to show the kids new love, you're folding them to see what is true relationship

[00:20:32] [SPEAKER_01]: and guess what?

[00:20:33] [SPEAKER_01]: Your children will replicate exactly in the beginning the relationship that they see at home unless they do self work.

[00:20:39] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:20:39] [SPEAKER_01]: Because that's what we do.

[00:20:40] [SPEAKER_01]: We learn from high things.

[00:20:41] [SPEAKER_01]: How parents relate to one another, how parents relate to me, how parents related to themselves

[00:20:48] [SPEAKER_01]: and how parents related to their environment.

[00:20:52] [SPEAKER_01]: So as long as I see my dad divorced and I didn't use a new girlfriend and I don't mean coming in introducing any girlfriend.

[00:20:59] [SPEAKER_01]: Right.

[00:20:59] [SPEAKER_01]: Not that because that's refusing to the kids and they go to a breakup again and again.

[00:21:05] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:21:05] [SPEAKER_01]: The new girlfriend you show them love if you stay in your relationship with your wife, the mom of the

[00:21:11] [SPEAKER_01]: kids because you don't want to show them divorce, you're showing them not to be vented.

[00:21:17] [SPEAKER_01]: And many people do that and you even this like conflict if you wait to live in a conflict

[00:21:23] [SPEAKER_01]: and your wife leaves in a conflict and the kids live in a conflict and it's like what you want to show your kids.

[00:21:30] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm prone for love that you always going to see me wearing a heart.

[00:21:33] [SPEAKER_01]: There is a love and I love his God.

[00:21:37] [SPEAKER_01]: I think that love is everything.

[00:21:39] [SPEAKER_01]: And for me, I live my life with love today, which I didn't know how to do before because I did what my mom did.

[00:21:45] [SPEAKER_01]: I stayed in my relationship because of the kids.

[00:21:48] [SPEAKER_01]: Right.

[00:21:49] [SPEAKER_01]: And today I know a little bit different.

[00:21:51] [SPEAKER_03]: Yep.

[00:21:52] [SPEAKER_01]: Here we go listeners.

[00:21:53] [SPEAKER_01]: Be authentic to yourself.

[00:21:54] [SPEAKER_01]: Your kid will love you.

[00:21:57] [SPEAKER_01]: I promise it's the fear that my kids are not going to love me if I'm going to leave.

[00:22:01] [SPEAKER_01]: My kids are not going to love me if I find a different love.

[00:22:03] [SPEAKER_01]: My kids are not going to know that they're important.

[00:22:05] [SPEAKER_01]: The other way around have the porch to show them authentic life.

[00:22:09] [SPEAKER_01]: I'll be amazing.

[00:22:10] [SPEAKER_01]: That's a good way to put it.

[00:22:11] [SPEAKER_02]: Man, that's good.

[00:22:12] [SPEAKER_02]: I got a question for you that no one has ever asked you.

[00:22:16] [SPEAKER_02]: You ready?

[00:22:18] [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, you're ready?

[00:22:19] [SPEAKER_02]: All right.

[00:22:19] [SPEAKER_02]: You are a second generational divorcee.

[00:22:24] [SPEAKER_02]: Like me, second generation.

[00:22:26] [SPEAKER_02]: How do you not let that eat at you?

[00:22:31] [SPEAKER_02]: That aided me so bad because, okay, my parents are a failure.

[00:22:36] [SPEAKER_02]: Now I'm a failure.

[00:22:38] [SPEAKER_02]: That was huge.

[00:22:40] [SPEAKER_02]: That was one thing I had to overcome more so than anger.

[00:22:44] [SPEAKER_02]: What do you got for me, doc?

[00:22:45] [SPEAKER_02]: What do you got?

[00:22:47] [SPEAKER_01]: Such great question.

[00:22:49] [SPEAKER_01]: It's really nobody asked me any such such a great question.

[00:22:53] [SPEAKER_01]: I thought about it, but no money asked me in any podcast.

[00:22:55] [SPEAKER_01]: Great question.

[00:22:56] [SPEAKER_01]: So I have to tell you that there is also difference in our society

[00:23:00] [SPEAKER_01]: between being a man divorcee and a woman divorcee.

[00:23:03] [SPEAKER_01]: Right?

[00:23:03] [SPEAKER_01]: There is this stigma of, oh, she's a woman and she's divorcee

[00:23:06] [SPEAKER_01]: and that takes a lot of it to all and it takes growth.

[00:23:10] [SPEAKER_01]: The more I grew within myself, the more I learned to love myself

[00:23:14] [SPEAKER_01]: and to see me changing and me benefiting my children when

[00:23:20] [SPEAKER_01]: I got divorced, my life cannot be better right now.

[00:23:23] [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm not just saying it because I'm a podcast like I'm a person

[00:23:27] [SPEAKER_01]: with a lot of great energy and I smile and I love my life.

[00:23:30] [SPEAKER_01]: And today my life could not be the same if I would stay married.

[00:23:35] [SPEAKER_01]: If I would stay married, I would show definitely because

[00:23:38] [SPEAKER_01]: I wasn't true to who I am.

[00:23:40] [SPEAKER_01]: Life is really different.

[00:23:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:23:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Back in the times three generations ago, divorce was not the answer.

[00:23:46] [SPEAKER_01]: You fought my grandparents were married.

[00:23:48] [SPEAKER_01]: My grandma was actually married, believed her model

[00:23:51] [SPEAKER_01]: when she was 13.

[00:23:53] [SPEAKER_03]: Wow.

[00:23:54] [SPEAKER_01]: And she was married and she's still alive.

[00:23:56] [SPEAKER_01]: She's 89, but my grandpa passed when he was 94 and they were married.

[00:24:01] [SPEAKER_01]: There was no other choice.

[00:24:02] [SPEAKER_01]: Today we just live in a different era of time.

[00:24:05] [SPEAKER_01]: There was computer, there was knowledge when we want thing.

[00:24:08] [SPEAKER_01]: We don't have to go to the head of the tribe to know something.

[00:24:12] [SPEAKER_01]: We don't even go to Google.

[00:24:13] [SPEAKER_01]: The youngsters don't even go to Google.

[00:24:15] [SPEAKER_01]: They ask Siri.

[00:24:16] [SPEAKER_01]: They go to the street.

[00:24:18] [SPEAKER_02]: And they don't have to get off the chair, man.

[00:24:20] [SPEAKER_02]: They just yell over the living room.

[00:24:23] [SPEAKER_02]: Oh yeah, it works out better.

[00:24:25] [SPEAKER_02]: So that brings me on my next question about the digital age.

[00:24:28] [SPEAKER_01]: That's with relationship.

[00:24:29] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:24:29] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:24:30] [SPEAKER_02]: The digital age and healing and there's so many other facets of it now

[00:24:36] [SPEAKER_02]: with it being so digital in AI.

[00:24:38] [SPEAKER_02]: There's so many parts.

[00:24:41] [SPEAKER_01]: I read.

[00:24:41] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:24:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:24:43] [SPEAKER_01]: And I wrote my third book is called Unaddicted To You.

[00:24:47] [SPEAKER_01]: It's when people are trapped in relationship.

[00:24:49] [SPEAKER_01]: It's almost like addiction.

[00:24:51] [SPEAKER_01]: It's really like addiction.

[00:24:52] [SPEAKER_03]: Yep.

[00:24:52] [SPEAKER_01]: And my fourth book is called Mastering Communication in the Digital Age of AI,

[00:24:59] [SPEAKER_01]: The Emotional Code.

[00:25:01] [SPEAKER_01]: Relationships and communications are changing after talking.

[00:25:04] [SPEAKER_01]: Look at us, David.

[00:25:06] [SPEAKER_01]: And there was no way that I would see you with like just 40 years ago

[00:25:10] [SPEAKER_01]: and do that.

[00:25:11] [SPEAKER_02]: Correct.

[00:25:12] [SPEAKER_01]: And then send a message.

[00:25:14] [SPEAKER_01]: Well, many people changing it's changing.

[00:25:17] [SPEAKER_01]: Especially since November 22 when Jack GTP came up to the world.

[00:25:21] [SPEAKER_01]: It's not that they came before Jack GTP, but information is right there.

[00:25:26] [SPEAKER_01]: Communication has changed.

[00:25:27] [SPEAKER_01]: Let me share with you one client told me that when she wants to

[00:25:30] [SPEAKER_01]: converse with any guy on an app, she actually uses Jack GTP to do that.

[00:25:36] [SPEAKER_01]: That's the dream of how much we're relying this information,

[00:25:40] [SPEAKER_01]: which sometimes is false by the way, because it's just taking 7 billion

[00:25:44] [SPEAKER_01]: opinions, opinion and putting them in one place which brings the answer very fast.

[00:25:49] [SPEAKER_01]: Not usually it's not all, but not usually, but it's not always valid.

[00:25:54] [SPEAKER_01]: So for example, when I teach at the university, I teach psychology

[00:25:57] [SPEAKER_01]: and MBA school.

[00:25:59] [SPEAKER_01]: My students quote Jack GTP and sometimes the quotes and the references

[00:26:04] [SPEAKER_01]: and the APA are just not right.

[00:26:08] [SPEAKER_01]: And they something that is really, it's new and it's great.

[00:26:12] [SPEAKER_01]: It's a great help, but you have to read it and to do critical thinking.

[00:26:15] [SPEAKER_01]: And the biggest question I'm going to teach our class at the PhD class is

[00:26:19] [SPEAKER_01]: AI going to replace 100% human beings.

[00:26:24] [SPEAKER_01]: Then AI replace faith in beliefs and relationships and communications, authentic ones.

[00:26:32] [SPEAKER_01]: Right?

[00:26:33] [SPEAKER_01]: That's the ethic questions in the world of AI.

[00:26:36] [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.

[00:26:37] [SPEAKER_01]: But we use AI for applications and videos and Amazon and all that.

[00:26:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Our world is all AI right now.

[00:26:44] [SPEAKER_02]: When my patients is a teacher and he teaches history.

[00:26:48] [SPEAKER_02]: So I asked him, I said, how do you combat AI when they write their papers?

[00:26:53] [SPEAKER_02]: He says, I had no right to papers in class.

[00:26:56] [SPEAKER_02]: I was like, man, what a simple solution to a very, just to write them in

[00:27:03] [SPEAKER_02]: class, give me your paper and let's start writing.

[00:27:06] [SPEAKER_02]: I was like, wow.

[00:27:07] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:27:08] [SPEAKER_02]: So you got a guy over 40 just getting divorced, going through some things.

[00:27:13] [SPEAKER_02]: What are the three things if you can hammer his head with three things that

[00:27:18] [SPEAKER_02]: he wouldn't forget?

[00:27:19] [SPEAKER_02]: What are the three things you want to tell him?

[00:27:22] [SPEAKER_02]: To make it his healing journey because I know you have so many things,

[00:27:26] [SPEAKER_02]: but what are your top three?

[00:27:29] [SPEAKER_01]: First of all, I would say learn the four F's, learn the four F's

[00:27:35] [SPEAKER_01]: and how you react to things.

[00:27:36] [SPEAKER_01]: This is really important.

[00:27:37] [SPEAKER_01]: And this is how you're going to understand how you manage your divorce.

[00:27:42] [SPEAKER_01]: What are you prone to?

[00:27:43] [SPEAKER_01]: So definitely learn your four F's.

[00:27:46] [SPEAKER_01]: Second is understand that put down the magnifying glass, pick up the mirror.

[00:27:53] [SPEAKER_01]: That's my ABC.

[00:27:55] [SPEAKER_01]: Put down the magnifying glass, become the mirror.

[00:27:57] [SPEAKER_01]: The more you're going to pick up the mirror and this is the third thing,

[00:27:59] [SPEAKER_01]: the happier you'll be.

[00:28:01] [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, I mean, I can bring so much.

[00:28:03] [SPEAKER_01]: So the third thing I would say, write your playlist.

[00:28:07] [SPEAKER_01]: Anyone can find my playlist on my website.

[00:28:10] [SPEAKER_01]: The playlist is not necessary.

[00:28:12] [SPEAKER_01]: The songs that you like, it's what makes it for you in your life.

[00:28:17] [SPEAKER_01]: Many people that get it off relationship, they don't even know

[00:28:20] [SPEAKER_01]: what their hobby is or what they like and they don't like.

[00:28:23] [SPEAKER_01]: They're so used to living a life and with this ritual

[00:28:27] [SPEAKER_01]: that they don't even know what do you like?

[00:28:28] [SPEAKER_01]: Like you said, you pick a ball, right?

[00:28:31] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, pick up all and biking.

[00:28:33] [SPEAKER_02]: Yep.

[00:28:35] [SPEAKER_01]: But after you write it, because many people would say traveling

[00:28:39] [SPEAKER_01]: and music and dancing now go choose three and do them in the next few

[00:28:44] [SPEAKER_01]: months, you have to do them and that's a conflict between you

[00:28:47] [SPEAKER_01]: and yourself.

[00:28:48] [SPEAKER_01]: You have to do that.

[00:28:49] [SPEAKER_01]: I remember after I got divorced, one of the things that I love

[00:28:51] [SPEAKER_01]: the most is traveling.

[00:28:53] [SPEAKER_01]: So I traveled by myself and I realized and I learned about

[00:28:57] [SPEAKER_01]: so much.

[00:28:58] [SPEAKER_01]: So write your playlist and do first amazing three things just

[00:29:03] [SPEAKER_01]: to yourself and you'll discover so much about yourself.

[00:29:05] [SPEAKER_01]: It's going to open up this side that is like a child that you

[00:29:09] [SPEAKER_01]: missed, a side that is happiest.

[00:29:12] [SPEAKER_01]: This is curious for me.

[00:29:13] [SPEAKER_01]: Curiosity is really important in healing because if you take

[00:29:16] [SPEAKER_01]: here into curiosity, oh my God, you will win.

[00:29:20] [SPEAKER_01]: So instead of what's going to happen with the kids, what's

[00:29:22] [SPEAKER_01]: going to happen in court, what's going to happen.

[00:29:24] [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know how many people are live.

[00:29:25] [SPEAKER_01]: Really changing.

[00:29:27] [SPEAKER_02]: So we got the three things.

[00:29:29] [SPEAKER_02]: So we got the four F's.

[00:29:31] [SPEAKER_02]: We got the mirror and the magnifying glass and we have

[00:29:36] [SPEAKER_02]: oh man, I just dropped it.

[00:29:38] [SPEAKER_02]: It's coming.

[00:29:39] [SPEAKER_02]: Here we go.

[00:29:42] [SPEAKER_02]: Yes.

[00:29:42] [SPEAKER_02]: Doc, I want to thank you for hanging out with this man.

[00:29:45] [SPEAKER_02]: This has been awesome and interesting.

[00:29:48] [SPEAKER_02]: We're definitely going to do this again because I think

[00:29:49] [SPEAKER_02]: we've only scratched this surface.

[00:29:53] [SPEAKER_02]: There's just so much else and what I'm going to do is I want

[00:29:56] [SPEAKER_02]: to have all your contact information and your books at

[00:29:59] [SPEAKER_02]: at the bottom of the show notes and any parting words and

[00:30:03] [SPEAKER_02]: we'll hang out afterwards, but any parting words for my peeps

[00:30:06] [SPEAKER_02]: from my man.

[00:30:07] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, no it's a big wave and every wave in the ocean if

[00:30:11] [SPEAKER_01]: it's big or small, especially the big ones, they're

[00:30:15] [SPEAKER_01]: going to come in the end.

[00:30:17] [SPEAKER_01]: So just let the wave come accept it and know that in

[00:30:20] [SPEAKER_01]: the end, you'll be sitting on the shore and you will see

[00:30:25] [SPEAKER_01]: the sun again.

[00:30:26] [SPEAKER_01]: It's just a wave.

[00:30:27] [SPEAKER_01]: I know it's hard to see it when you're in it, but it's

[00:30:29] [SPEAKER_01]: a promise.

[00:30:30] [SPEAKER_01]: It's my promise.

[00:30:30] [SPEAKER_01]: Is it your promise David?

[00:30:32] [SPEAKER_02]: There you go.

[00:30:33] [SPEAKER_02]: All right, Doc.

[00:30:34] [SPEAKER_02]: We appreciate your time and everybody after have a good

[00:30:37] [SPEAKER_02]: night.

[00:30:38] [SPEAKER_02]: All right.

[00:30:39] [SPEAKER_02]: Bye bye.