Welcome Seth Nelson, Esq. to the podcast. While being a practicing family attorney in Tampa Bay, Florida he prides himself in getting the best and fairest settlement and/or result for his clients. Seth has seen clients struggle and argue over the most unimportant issues in their divorce while the underlying reasoning for their position is still unresolved. We discuss common misconceptions, key factors for a successful divorce settlement, creative settlement strategies, communication during and after divorce, child custody considerations, prioritizing mental health and well-being, available resources and support networks, letting go of ego, dispute resolution methods, and success stories. The conversation provides valuable insights and advice for men going through divorce and emphasizes the importance of focusing on the well-being of oneself and the children involved.
Takeaways and Interesting Subjects:
-the concept of one and done alimony
-eat healthy and get some exercise
-live your life not your divorce
-words are really important
-know your audience
-you can’t have too many people that love your kid
-arbitration, mediation and having a judge
-put your ego aside
-former spouse
-take out the adjectives and descriptors
-BIFF - be brief, informative, firm and friendly!
-kids in conflict don’t do well in any parenting plan
-look at the other parent as free babysitting
-work together to solve problems
-take a break and recharge
How to Split A Toaster Podcast Love the name BTW!
Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy for more information.
[00:00:00] Welcome to the Divorce Recovery Minnover 40 podcast that empowers men with the tools that
[00:00:06] foster hope, resilience and growth during an after divorce.
[00:00:10] Check it out. I love podcasting, I have how to split a toaster, divorce podcast about saving your relationships and talking about what you're talking about David. You know the most important relationship is the one with yourself and I think you got a sweet spot here talking to guys over 40 because it's not easy for guys to reach out to each other. So the fact that you have this platform for them is really amazing.
[00:01:42] So I start with what are some of the common misconceptions that get over. The highest of course is beyond a reasonable doubt, which we hear about in criminal cases and in the movies. But that's a big misconception is that the mom's just gonna get the kids. So in your experience, what are the key factors that can lead to a successful divorce settlement for a men in this age group?
[00:03:00] Kind of strategies should they consider.
[00:03:02] I know you don't wanna stack the deck
[00:03:03] and fairness is all, you know, we're going to downsize, but we're going to downsize and one of us is going to make the decision to live in a downsize house because it's important to be in the school district
[00:04:22] for our child. But we're going to compensate, nowhere in any jurisdiction that I've ever heard of does it say one of the things for the judge to consider an awarding alimony still going to need money for retirement at 401k, that doesn't help me now. So why don't you keep the 100,000 of the 401k? Now you owe me 200, one for the 100 and the 401k, and one for the 100 in alimony you're
[00:07:03] going to pay me. nobody. So these government officials happen to be called judges. Are there any specific legal issues or challenges that man over 40 colony face doing divorce such as asset division, child custody, alimony you just talked about and how can they navigate those effectively? You know we already talked
[00:08:23] about alimony what about child custody? So the thing about child custody is what lawyer with demands of what you want like that. Here's what I think people should want in a divorce with their children. They should one want the least amount of conflict between parents because that and the study show is the ultimate factor on whether kids are successful.
[00:09:42] Use any thing you want to put to successful in life about divorce. five, five, 30, you get your kid by six. Kid goes to bed at nine, three hours, four hours. Let's say you have an hour in the morning, which sucks because you're getting your kid up fed to school. It's a nightmare, right? You're giving up an hour. You're giving up five hours every two weeks.
[00:11:02] And I would tell you, if you cannot bond with your child
[00:11:05] without those five hours every two weeks in grade school. Okay. So and they were busy. Great schedule. Oh, yeah. Great schedule. And great schedule for high school kids. They love it. The one thing that really torqued me was once I got into this groove with the 50% off, I couldn't wait for them to leave.
[00:13:45] I felt so bad because I was inundated by myself for that seven days I was hitting it bang bang when you're arguing over 50 50 or this or that I say you just need to look at the other parent is free babysitting. Take a break like you need to recharge. Oh my God. You need to go out with the guys. You need to watch the games on Sunday. You need to go golfing fishing woodworking or reading a book or writing poetry or podcasts, whatever you're into.
[00:13:46] I don't care.
[00:15:01] But that's how we recharge as humans. communication is you need to take out of your vocabulary, your text, your emails, talking to anyone, any adjectives. You don't need any descriptors, right? We have a problem. It doesn't need a big problem, right? Okay, so in here's what I say, Biff, your brief, your informative,
[00:15:05] your firm, and your friendly, okay? school, you have the hunch that that kid was sick in the morning and she dumped them at school on you to frickin' deal with it. Okay? We all have seen it. We've all done it. Okay? So now it could be, hey, you dropped off her sick kid to school and now I've got to get three kids in three different spots and I had it all organized but I can't do it now
[00:16:23] because I have to stay home with this kid.
[00:16:26] You're such an expletive, explet kids, but your brief, your informative, here's the problem, here's the solution, right? You're friendly, thank you very much, but you're firm. If I don't hear about you by this time, this is what I'm doing. Yeah, this would be hard. Think of it back now, Biff would have probably helped me give through a lot of things. Oh my gosh, yeah.
[00:17:41] You're solving a problem, that's all you're doing.
[00:17:44] You're not gonna fix her.
[00:17:46] You're solving your problem, and if you focus on takes 18 months of hell. I've been there as a lawyer helping people through that hellish process. I did not bill that client for 18 straight months of work every day, 24 hours a day, right? I would never sleep. So the hell does stop. It
[00:19:01] does, but my point is when you're dealing with the divorce and with your lawyers,
[00:19:05] be organized. Set a meeting with an agenda morning to make pancakes again. You want to get that time back? I preach, I'm on a couple of Facebook groups, and a lot of these guys are, I mean, they hang on the notion is, you know, there was one the other day where the mom
[00:20:22] was making the daughter call the new boyfriend, Daddy.
[00:20:27] And all these people were worried about what's going on tell your current wife that she will be a former wife because I said that as a joke to my wife. It didn't play well. Okay, you got to know your audience. Don't go through a second divorce or a third divorce. So one, I think the words that you use in getting over it, or about you. And you say, well, I'm sorry you had to hear that, but you get to make your own decisions about how I treat you. And let's go. What do you want to do? What's on our agenda today? Right? But you got to talk to kids as they are in their age group so they understand.
[00:23:03] So I will just share this one other part about this, about new people being in your
[00:24:03] child, then you deal with that with your former spouse.
[00:24:05] Hey, I'm a little concerned. They're overstepping their bounds a little bit.
[00:24:07] You're the parent.
[00:24:08] They're not the parent.
[00:24:10] Let's work on how we can communicate about this.
[00:24:13] Right.
[00:24:14] I'm not trying to attack.
[00:24:15] I'm just telling you what I'm being told.
[00:24:17] I just want to make sure we're on the same page.
[00:24:19] Is this what you're hearing?
[00:24:21] Is this what you're seeing?
[00:24:22] So the big three dispute The mediator goes back and forth and says, Seth, what are the issues? Do you have any settlement proposals? Here's her settlement offer. Okay, I'll be back. She goes in the other room, takes her settlement offer, goes through it, comes back with a counter offer, comes back with, hey, they need more information. They don't have an updated bank statement, whatever. They go back and forth, back and forth. And hopefully at the end of the day,
[00:25:42] you sign a parenting plan, which deals you have some Paris and failures too, but let's talk about success stories for a man over 40. What's a good success story for a man over 40 where he was able to rebuild his life and find happiness after a challenging divorce? Well, I think I'm one. There you go. I mean, I was 31, I'm sorry. I'm like, what are you sorry for? She's like, I'm really apologize. I'm like, what are you talking about? She said, I was so excited to have him for Thanksgiving. I forgot to ask what you were doing for Thanksgiving. I said, I hang out with a dog in a turkey sandwich. I'm good. And she goes, that's ridiculous. Come on down. Spend Thanksgiving with us.
[00:28:21] Every year I get invited Thanksgiving.
[00:28:22] Every year goes down to Annamarie.
[00:28:24] Okay.
[00:28:25] The exception, not the rule.
[00:28:27] Yeah.
[00:28:28] And I wish it was different.