Neuroscience, trauma recovery, and mental health - Dr. Robb Kelly drops some knowledge involving all three || DPTSP #077 || David

[00:00:00] Welcome to Don't Pick the Scab Podcast, a podcast that provides tools, tips, and tricks for men over 40 recovering from divorce. Welcome, Dr. Robb Kelly to the show. His superpower is his expertise in neuroscience, trauma recovery, addictions, and mental health. Those are definitely in my men's wheelhouse. So introduce yourself, Doc, and I've got some questions for you.

[00:00:22] Hey guys, my name is Dr. Robb Kelly. I'm over in San Antonio, Texas, enjoying life and helping people. I have five practices around the world. I have four businesses. I went through two divorces and survived them and decided to go help people that are struggling, whether that be after divorce or addiction or depression, whatever it is. And we studied and studied and studied. We have a 98% success rate, which is unheard of in the case.

[00:00:52] And we're the only company that we're in the industry. And we're the only company that offers money back guarantee if what we said doesn't come true. So great to see you guys. Wow. Well, Dr. Robb, your personal journey is incredibly inspiring. Can you share how your experiences with addiction, trauma, and homelessness shaped your mission to help others heal? Well, I grew up on the projects, so Section 8 housing, very poor, lost a lot in the house, as they say, but very poor. Couldn't really go on trips.

[00:01:21] When we went on vacation, it was to the local seaside. It was just, it was loving, but, you know, it was rough. I grew up on the projects, so you either fight or you get beat up. And I was not going to get beat up. So become a proficient fighter in the early days. Played guitar with my Antonoc on stage, bass guitar. So my first drink at nine. And then, you know, just went to a normal school. Nothing really happened. Drinking Friday, Saturday, Sunday through 16 and 20s.

[00:01:51] And I was, I have what's called the addictive personality guys, which basically means I'm either going to do something or I'm not. So I'm either pregnant or I'm not. There's no middle road for me and millions of guys like me. And when you do make your mind do something, the mind is unbelievable. Go into that shortly. But yeah, I went to school, went to college. The only person in my entire family ever to go to college.

[00:02:16] So I got my degree and then joined the police force. They fired me for being drunk every day. Got married, had two children. The wife left. The children were taken off me by the authorities. And the last thing my daughter said to me was, Daddy, Daddy, please stop drinking. That was 34 years ago. And yeah, it was just, it's just been a rough ride, you know.

[00:02:40] And then after, I stabbed my wife three times one night, by the way, guys, because she won't let me finish my Basel of vodka. That's how insane I was. But in a blink of a night, everything was gone. Nobody would talk to me. And I became homeless. I was on the streets for the first time in my life. And I sat there in the rain and the cold. And I just thought to myself, where the hell did that go wrong?

[00:03:08] I mean, everything was taken away from me. And I'm the guy with the house on the hill. My business is amazing. We're doing fantastic. And then from our drinking, everything come tumbling down and was broken. And I didn't see my daughter for 30 years. And four years ago, she contacted me on Messenger. And she said, I've seen you on TV. I want to see you. I've got something to show you.

[00:03:34] I don't believe what they were telling me. So within two hours, we're on a plane back to England. And we get there. We show up in the door. We hope we cried. And then she took me by my hand and walked me into her living room. And she handed me my three-month-old granddaughters. There you go. Dang. So many men feel like divorce is a rock-bottom moment. How did your spiritual awakening on the streets of Manchester help you turn your darkest moments into a catalyst for transformation?

[00:04:04] I always wanted to control my life. So I was always an atheist because I got molested when I was young by the priest. But it's about, here's the key to life, man. Stop giving a crap what people think about you and let go. You have a crossroads. I like people at crossroads because it's a new direction to take. But, yeah, my spiritual awakening was middle of Manchester, nobody around.

[00:04:30] Dropped down to my hands and knees. I said, if there's a God up there, I can't do this on my own anymore. Guy walked around the corner in the middle of nowhere, David, nowhere. And said, come back to the house. You can stay there. And I went to an AA meeting with him the next day. Met a guy called John. I used to walk around to every single Wednesday. So I left Derek since six, got there for seven. He's walked me out at eight and I got back for nine, for 12 weeks. And he taught me everything I know today.

[00:05:01] And he said my life will change from tomorrow. And I'm like, John, I'm in Derek's basement on a bloat mattress. I don't think I'm going to know if I'm here. But the very next day he did. Derek came home and said there's a job sweeping the floor. I did that. I got my first pay packet. Life started doing good. I started working with people. They were getting well. So I brought John a little teddy bear and a card. And I rolled the card nicely out and it went back to his house and he wasn't there.

[00:05:29] My apartment, the next door neighbor, came out when I was knocking really hard and says, can I help you? We said, it was John who? She said, John who? I said, your next door neighbor? She said, I've only been here for two months. I've not seen anybody. She went around to the left hand side and knocked on the door a bit harder. This big guy come to the door. What do you want? Where's John relocated to? John who? Who? What's wrong with you guys? He went on to tell me that that apartment was derelict.

[00:05:53] We used to have tape all over because if you did walk in the front door, you would fall down to the basement and probably kill yourself. If I thought he was crazy, he went back to the meeting. I'd met John and said to the chairman, he went, oh, Robert, great to see you. I'm like, yeah, thank goodness you recognize me. Does John still come in? And he said, John who? He said, the guy over there was talking to at the coffee machine. And he said, and I quote, well, we thought you were praying because you were talking to yourself.

[00:06:22] We've never found that man. Wow. Yeah. And when I became wealthy, I put the best private detective team in Manchester on the case and they think they could never trace or find it. Wow. What a story. America and you were supposed to be here. Yeah. And you've never seen him since. Never seen him since. Never, you know, nothing. But this is what happened, David.

[00:06:50] Over the last 20 years I've been here, so many things have happened. So many miracles have happened. I was supposed to die of cancer. The cancer disappeared. They overdosed me in a hospital. They brought back to life. All this stuff crazy that's happened since I've been here can only mean one thing. And that is, he took me through all of that so I could help people. And that's the foundation of not only this, but the other four businesses I own. How can we help? What can I do?

[00:07:19] Because I want to be your Derek. I want to be your John out there. And guys, whatever you're going through following divorce and stuff like that, you can get through. I'm going to go through this today, guys. You know, I've got the experience. And the stories, and we're going to get through this. Don't worry. Wow. You've worked with celebrities, professionals, and everyday people. What across the board universal truths about resilience and recovery have you learned through these experiences? What is the same basic things? That's it.

[00:07:49] You know, they don't think they're capable. They don't think they're worth. But even rock stars and A-list movie stars, when they come off stage or come off the film, they've got nothing. They're undervalued. They've never been validated for what's happened to them as a child or approved. That's the basic thing. And, of course, spans all from that. The divorce, the death of a child, all that stuff comes to a head and everything closes down in the brain. Wow.

[00:08:18] Divorce often feels like a loss of identity. How can your story of overcoming incredible odds inspire men going through their own struggles? When we came out of our first marriage, of course, she left me and changed all the books. What happens when you come out of marriage, guys, is this. You lose your identity. And I'm saying that after 20, 10, 5 years of birth to somebody, you get to kind of enjoy it.

[00:08:45] The women suffer a little bit more because she's the guy's football team, you know, the guy's TV programs. So loss of identity is the worst thing that a human being can go through. If you don't know who you are, you don't know where you're going. So it's all the trauma around that. We have to realize that a divorce is a traumatic event. And some are sensitive than others to it. But there's certain parts of the brain that are affected by this.

[00:09:15] And you have the crossroads again. You have to start finding your identity. Whether the divorce was your fault or hers or both of you, it's the minimus. First of all, number one thing is look after the kids. Secondly, who are you and what do you want to do? How do we do it? And that's the crossroads I was at. A couple of things I do now that set me for life. And number one, I stopped caring what people think about me. I mean, I really have. And it set me free completely.

[00:09:44] And the second that somebody told me once is you can be anybody you want to be. You can have a life, anything you want to be. And if you want to get your children back, you can get them back. There's work to do. There's a format to follow. But it's all there waiting for you. You cannot live in the past to define your future. You can't do it. You're going to come to a stagnant place where all these depression and everything, suicide, you know, is going to kick in.

[00:10:09] So we have to clear that and realize and go through that as painful as it may be before it releases you and you can head to the past. That's what the future is. Cool. So your work focuses on neuroscience-based approaches like brain spotting. Can you explain how these techniques can help men recover from the emotional trauma of divorce? Brain spotting is a direct link from the pupil into the subconscious brain. Brain spotting.

[00:10:34] So most of the stuff, the bad stuff in our lives, sit in the subconscious brain. So everything we touch here, feel from birth is stored there. There are billions and billions of images and memories in the subconscious brain. The subconscious brain wakes us up every morning. That's the bad guy. The reason why it wakes us up is lack of oxygen. So when a normal circadian sleep pattern between two and five is when the body is at its lowest pertaining to healing and oxygen. So we wake up with a subconscious brain.

[00:11:03] We need to change that to the conscious without breath work that we do. Otherwise, we'll always be stuck. So these tools are basically uncover, discover, discard of the trauma, whether that be divorce or similar things, and then go back and start the healing. You have to heal. So I don't know anybody that's come out of a divorce that's just, oh, well, everything's okay. I'm going to move on. Nobody. Because the time you spend as partners become, I mean, you become a couple.

[00:11:33] You become, oh, Jenny and Bill and Jenny and Bill. And all of a sudden it's Bill. And there's no Jenny, you know, and you'll have to find. So the tools redefine who you are, reprogram neural pathways, change the subconscious brain and the basal ganglia, which is our repetition strength that confirms. Sometimes with men that are divorced, the bad memories, they're fighting with the kids, goes back, who's in the house? Who's she sleeping with? You've got to get rid of that, man.

[00:12:02] You've got to change pathways around that and change your ideal ID and identity and your ideal future. Because you can, we could sit here, David, for the next three days and I could explain how the mind works and we still wouldn't have enough time. And everybody would be going, oh my God, it's so powerful. You ever had the same mind over matter? This is what happens. The mind is energy. You can't see it, such a feeling, but it programs the brain. Mind over, brain is matter.

[00:12:29] So imagine if we could program this guy first thing in the morning to go out and start making things happen to us. Well, we can. And it's not that hard. So concentrate on the future. If there's kids involved. This is one thing that I always stuck to, David. Every Christmas and birthday, I sent my mom, because she wouldn't let me send them to her. I sent my mom birthday cards, Christmas cards, toys, fluffy toys to my daughters every year. And I did that for, I don't know, 2020.

[00:12:59] I don't know how long it was. I did that. Not knowing, probably never going to get to the kids, but I did that. A couple of years ago, four or five years ago, my mom and dad passed away. So my daughter and my sister was in the house cleaning up back in England. My daughter came across, because we just started to get in cancer, came across a huge, huge box in the corner. And she opened it. And there was every single Christmas present, every single card. And guys, you have to do that.

[00:13:28] Even if the children don't see it, you have to do this, because one day they're going to come back. One day they're going to realize that, you know, life goes on. And every children needs to die, and every children needs to mom. So do that, guys. It's the biggest thing I ever did. It's one of the reasons Charlie got in contact with me. Well, trauma and PTSD are common after divorce, especially for men over 40 who have unresolved childhood wounds you talked about before.

[00:13:57] How can you address these deeper issues in your work? Or how do you address these deeper issues in your work? The trauma is the gateway drug. Everybody suffers from childhood trauma. You might not know it today, but your actions and your relationships and your work and your confidence affects what happened as a child. So what we have to do is we have to go back to the past with somebody who knows what they're doing. You need to uncover what the trauma is. There are probably hundreds, if not, I don't know, 20, 30.

[00:14:28] Discover what they're about and what happened to you as a result. And discard of them trauma memories as quick as possible. So by doing them three things using therapy, you can't do it on your own. The tools I mentioned, we slowly but surely break them bad memories up. Around that. Because if you're angry, if you're jealous, if you're upset, depressed around the divorce, all that can be fixed. All of it can be fixed.

[00:14:56] By following the tools and stuff. Now, the other thing as well as childhood that this affects relationships. If I was molested about my priest, my mother and father never validated me for that. They pushed under the carpet. I got hit with a wooden shoe across my backside saying, don't you ever speak about the priest like that. I was never approved and I was never validated for that act. When men come to me who are going through divorces and loss of jobs and stuff like that,

[00:15:26] that is the key to break somebody free. Validation. Especially when you come out, you feel less than, you're not a great dad, you're a terrible husband. You might be angry. You might be fighting. At the end of the day, you need to address this. So you validate and say, hey, I understand you feel that way. Well, yeah. I wasn't told. A woman, loads of women come to me with divorces and stuff like that. And I ask him and most people say I was molested as a child.

[00:15:55] And I said, well, who validate that? Do parents, you know, hug you around? No. Or was he approved that even happened? No. And that's where the lies. Because that affects today. So what happens here today as an act, you will not be able to spot this as a child of trauma because we think this is normal. Childhood trauma comes from what we think is normal. And then the action here many years on, it doesn't seem the same, but it is.

[00:16:24] If you're struggling with life, if you're just having a divorce, if it's killing you, nowhere to go, you feel less than, you don't know what to do, it can all repair with the right work. And you can be a free man. And then if you have children, you can go on to show the world what you're capable of doing. There's been thousands, I don't know, I'm nine and a half thousand patients in and millions with my TV that I've touched on. Wow.

[00:16:53] What role does self-compassion play in healing from both addiction and divorce? How can men develop the skill? Because men suck at self-compassion. They do. The first part of call is internal dialogue. That's where it starts. You know? And my internal dialogue, I spoke in California, there was a thousand people. Exactly a thousand because they clicked them in for five reasons. 999 persons said it was great, one person said it wasn't.

[00:17:23] So my self-talk took over that with one person. That's what destroyed me for the next three months. I could stop thinking about it. One person? You have one person, man. Let's call the addictive person that. Not the 999. And people will resonate with this who are listening and watching this. So if you drop a pen on the floor, guys, you're not stupid idiot. Oh, you idiot. No, stop that. Stop that because that's what you believe. And if you believe that, that attaches to the basal ganglia, which is our repetition.

[00:17:52] And that becomes a working part of the mind. And you will never recover from that while you're speaking. We speak to ourselves. We won't even speak to our worst enemy like that. But yeah, because it's us. So watch your internal dialogue. Watch what you say to yourself. And be kind to yourself, man. You know, it's horrible what's happened. But it's not the end of the world. Life goes on after divorce. Life goes on after addiction. And we get to live two lives in one lifetime, guys.

[00:18:19] The first line that we kind of messed up in the second life, whether you believe in God, Uncle Jimmy, universe, whatever it is. When my power, my mind connects with another power outside me and my neural pathways, which will give you some stuff to do at the end of the podcast that will change your life. Your DNA changes. You're not the same person as you was.

[00:18:43] Now, whether that divorce goes back, I've seen multiple occasions where the wife wants the husband back. But the husband doesn't want to go back because he's done his own healing. So he doesn't repeat. You can never go back and repeat a situation without work being done around it. Because if you do the same thing, the same results will happen. Correct. Wow. You said that addiction is often a symptom of a deeper pain.

[00:19:11] How can men identify and address the root causes of their emotional struggles during divorce recovery? You know, it's back to that childhood trauma and clearing up. We have to clear up not the present. By doing this, you can live in the present. Most people who have not done the trauma work live either from yesterday or live tomorrow. So the anxiety comes from what's happening tomorrow and the depression comes from what happened yesterday. It's the here and now.

[00:19:39] Now, that's all we have is the here and now. What can I do today to be the best person? How many people can I compliment? How many people can I? How many interviews do I get to get this brand new job? How many times can I see the kids a week? It's all based around that. You have to have to get up and dust yourself off. And I know it took me years for me to do that. But because of my experience, it might take you months. But that's what we need to do. Otherwise, we just live like we lived before.

[00:20:07] And if nothing changes, nothing changes. What about co-parenting? That's one of my big ones. A lot of men struggle with that. We talked about earlier on the pre-interview. We were talking about my men who can't, who have a hard time not being able to control what happens at mom's house. How do you speak to these guys? You know, co-parenting can be amazing.

[00:20:29] So the research we've done on this with children growing up is when a child grows up in a house that's dysfunctional, where mom and dad are arguing and fighting all the time, they suffer with education and behavior law when they leave the house. When two happy parents are separated or divorced, the children do absolutely amazing. So the two parenting, this is about sitting down with the woman that you hate from what's happened.

[00:20:58] And what I mean by that is when there's children involved, you never say to your children, oh, mom was an idiot, mom was an idiot. You never go down that path. You talk to the wife or ex-wife and let you realize you're changed. Don't go in like you used to do, start arguments. Just be real calm about it. This is not about you. It's about the children. And they will thank you and you will see beautiful actions from the children.

[00:21:25] And the guys that are separated or divorced who have no contact with the children, either because mom is keeping you away, fight them, children. Fight with everything you have for them, children. Because a one-sided story is not worth anything. You fight and you fight and you fight in the nicest, kind, possible way. You never give up with your children because that is what it's about. It's about the children, not about you.

[00:21:55] And it's painful and it's hard and it's horrible. It's okay for you, Dr. Lowe. No, guys. The pain is immense. You know when the police came and the authorities took my children off me? I'd been there two days. I'd been drunk for two days. The children had been fed or changed down for two days and the police kicked the door down. My daughter, who was three years old, they picked the baby up, daughter three years old, walking down the path with mommy. She said three things to me. Daddy, daddy, please don't go.

[00:22:25] Walking down the path, the authorities are there, police are there. Daddy, daddy, please get better. And the last thing she said to me before they opened the gate before she went was, daddy, daddy, please stop drinking. And I couldn't do it. And shortly after I became homeless. But I fought for them kids, man. I fought for them. And the co-parenting is amazing. And the never giving up is amazing. But you've got to, you know, you can change your life.

[00:22:52] When you come out of a divorce, you're at crossroads. Everybody is at crossroads because the normal life as it is has been taken away. You can't wipe 20 years of your life and be okay with it. It doesn't happen like that. Five years, 10 years, two years. You've got to realize that you're at a crossroads and we've got a new route now. Got a new route.

[00:23:12] And by talking to the ex-wife, by doing a little bit of work on yourself, by trying to realize and understand that you can, again, do anything you want to be as powerful as you want for the children or even for the ex-wife. But we're doing it for us. Because if you keep thinking, oh, she's got a new guy. You know, what's she telling the children? That if you will go insane, you will go insane. Do you know the only person that's going to suffer from that? Do you think the wife is? No.

[00:23:42] Do you think the guy is? No. It's you. You'll drive yourself insane with that. It's almost like two things. You never say for the kids. No. And then the other one is you're supposed to love your kids more than you hate your ex. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, so true. That's a tough one. What about the thing of self-care? Sure. Men don't take care of themselves. You know, they want to be the hunter-gatherer.

[00:24:11] They want to take care of everybody else first. And, you know, it's kind of like when the plane goes down, the oxygen masks come out, you put yours on first, not your kids. Let's address that. How can we get men to figure out to take care of themselves first so they can take care of everybody else? You've got to look at yourself. Look at the source. Look at what you're going through, how you look, how you feel. And we start bettering ourselves with self-care. So we have what's called Self-Care Friday here.

[00:24:38] Well, I send all the staff and all the patients out for that day with my chronic guard. And we go for hairs, nails, whatever it is. Guys, we have to do this. You know, oh, don't be so hard on yourself, people say. So you've got to have self-care. And whatever that looks like, whether that's down in the pub with your friends, down in the bar, having a few drinks on a Friday, whether that's going to the gym or sauna or massage, you have to do that.

[00:25:03] Because when we come out of a divorce, we stop loving us. I did never love myself. I couldn't even. There was. I had no mirrors, David, in my house. Because I couldn't bear to look at myself. So self-care is important. You know, if you have a friend, dialogue is amazing, guys. But you have to have that day, that hour, that half day. You have to make it happen as if your life depended on it.

[00:25:30] Because as long as you're treating yourself like crap, other people are going to treat you like crap. And here's the deal, guys. We did experiments of how people around us can change and control your behavior. So if you're hanging around the same old guys that you did when you divorced and they're alone and stuff like that, then you're never going to get well. You're going to get depressed. But if you hang around the new people who's got new targets. So we brought nine actors into the waiting room out there.

[00:26:00] And one patient who we brought in to do some work with free of charge. But she didn't know about the nine actors. And the idea was, how can we get these nine people to change this one person to show me your friends or show you your future kind of thing? So they're all sat down and everyone's on the phone. The idea is every 45 seconds a buzzer. And all the nine people actors stood up. After about five seconds, they sat down. And everyone stood up.

[00:26:29] Now she's leasing her head away from the phone. She's probably like, what's going on? On the third, she stood up with everybody else. Now, that is crazy. That is crazy. Here's the crazy one. As we call the actors in one by one, as if they were patients, she was the only person left in the waiting room. And she stood up. With nobody else in the room? Nobody else in the room.

[00:26:54] So if you're hanging around the same old people when you went through your divorce or after, you're not going to get affected. You're going to get affected by the depression. Oh, I'm so sorry, you guys. And friends go away. She keeps friends. You keep friends. You've got to hang around the guys you want to be. You've got to handle like-minded people who are positive. Do not hang around people that divorce. Oh, God. Oh, I wish you'd come back. It's done. Stand up. Be counted.

[00:27:22] Hang around positive guys and move on. You know? Change the way you think about life. Change the way you think about yourself. Always. Wow. This was a big one for me. God, all I can see is a buzzer and people standing up. Anyway, this was a big one for me. For men who are still angry or resentful toward their ex-spouse, how can they process these emotions in a healthy way and move forward? That was a hard one for me. Yeah.

[00:27:51] First of all, you need some kind of help of somebody, best friend, therapist, whatever it is, psychologist. And you have to be honest with them. And you have to go in and talk about the things that you don't want to talk about, guys. You just don't want to talk about. Resentments, I heard years ago was like me drinking poison and expecting you to die. Yeah, definitely. It only affects me. I thought everybody's hurting because now it affects me.

[00:28:18] As long as you're carrying resentments, you'll die a miserable person. As long as you're carrying resentment, you'll be angry for the rest of your life. Go and see somebody. Get rid of them. Make sure you break yourself free. Because I'm telling you guys from years of experience, not only with patients, but myself. If you follow, and especially the things we're going to tell you just before we finish, I'm going to give you some work to do. If you follow a great therapist, not just that's been through what you've been through.

[00:28:48] That's the key. So whether that be a coach, therapist, a friend, they have to have been through what you've been through. Because thought patterns and self-sabotage around the occasion, they won't be able to understand. Talk it out. You can't get well at 100%. So question real quick. I've always thought, can a divorced therapist be a good therapist if they haven't been divorced? You have opened up a new can of worms for me, Rob. Yeah, it's true.

[00:29:16] It's like we all tell people, if you haven't been through addiction, you don't know how I think. If you haven't been through the thing. I went to a therapist once. We tried three, two of them failed. Have you been? Are you alcoholic addict? No. Well, thank you, but you can't help me. Oh, I've got. 10 years, master's of addiction. I don't care. Because if you have a bottle of vodka behind your back and you won't give it to me, you are in your worst nightmares will not know what I will do to you to get that drink.

[00:29:45] You will not know the loneliness that I go to after a divorce. I'm a big person on seek the people out who's been through it. Because the experience trumps a college degree in anything. Now, you go with depression or, you know, great. Therapist, coach is amazing. You're a psychologist. Great. But we have to have gone through it because it's not here, guys. It's here.

[00:30:10] And if you don't understand how I'm trying to kill myself, how the subconscious brain is trying to kill me and make it look like an accident. If you don't understand them thought patterns, you can't help. It's like me being trapped in Germany somewhere in a car. I have no idea where I'm going, but I'm going to John Street. Okay. So the first person I'll come up, can you tell me where John Street is? Well, I've never been there. But I think if you go up there and turn right, I might be left. And then you go further. You're never going to get to John Street.

[00:30:39] I'll go to the next guy. Can you tell me where John Street? Yeah, I used to live there. This is exactly how you get there. That's the difference between both of them. Wow. Wow. I've never heard it put that way because I've always wondered. Yeah. Yeah. It's just true. The thought, again, it's the subconscious brain trying to kill you with all this crap in the past you've been through. Okay. That's it. And if you don't understand that, if your therapist, well, first of all, you've been with your therapist for more than a year, what the hell are they doing?

[00:31:10] Because it's a quick fix. And most people want to say a quick fix. It's three to six months. You've done it out. But, yeah, you have to have done that. It's a golden rule here. Wow. So one of my last questions before we get to the work, if you could give one piece of advice to men who are 40 and now they're getting a divorce recovery, what would it be? You don't know how powerful you are. That's it. You don't know how powerful you are. Mine is what you're capable of doing.

[00:31:40] You see, this is how the world works. God, Uncle Jimmy, universe. It takes us through situations that are heartbreaking and hard. And you are taken through them situations so that you can go on and get stronger and recover and help other people. That's why we go through it. And I'm convinced after 35 years or something, no good with time, that I've been doing this. It's not about us. You know, it's all about it.

[00:32:09] If you're, if you are one, you know, if you're, you got divorced and you're with your kid and the wife's left you and, you know, it's a crossroads. This is where you start, man. And I'm going to give you some work in a second. I want you to do tomorrow morning, guys. And then if it doesn't work, come and get hold of me. I'll send you a free book or something because it's never not work because it's changing things. Physiology and brain-wise, mind, you know, nervous system. It changes all that in about five minutes.

[00:32:39] Give us that work, Doc. Give us that work. Give it to us. The presence of the breath work is the lack of disease. So every disease in the body starts in a hypoxic area of the body. We only breathe 45 to 50% of our lung capacity. So hypoxic areas are disaster areas in my body. It's the reason why nobody's woke up laughing. It's that lack of oxygen. Here we go. Remember this guy, the subconscious brain wakes us up. This guy wakes us up. That's the guy.

[00:33:09] Oh, it's going to be a bad day. How did he get rid of it? Do your 20 exaggerated breaths in and out like that 20 times. You're going to go dizzy. Hold on or sit down, okay? This is what we found. Subconscious brain hates oxygen. Boom. Conscious brain loves oxygen. We activate the conscious brain by doing that. Oxygen's a different part of the body. There's probably never added full oxygen to it. The conscious brain's in.

[00:33:38] This is the guy that's going to change the world, okay? The only problem with this is the next morning, have a guess who wakes us up. Hypoxic fella here wakes us up. After you do that, go into the bathroom. If you brush your teeth with your right, let's change some patterns and neural pathways around in your head from self-sabotage to change him for good. It's simple, man. If you're right-handed, brush your teeth with the right hand for a week, left hand for a week, right hand for a week, and left just a month. That's all you need to do.

[00:34:06] And thirdly, and most importantly, the subconscious brain has all the bad stuff about us. So I want you to step six feet away from the mirror and just look at yourself, as silly as it may sound, and just say, I love you. I tend to. I love you out loud. I love you. Do not stand near the mirror. So this is what happens when women are putting makeup on or guys are shaving. You see all the blemishes on my face, on my own face when I'm looking at myself.

[00:34:35] That's not how people see us, but we think that's how people see us because it's a mirror. It shows, no, when's the last time you went to work? Hey, guy, nice to see you. We don't do that. So when you stand six feet away, your blemishes disappear. It will give you confidence. It will give a new outlook on who you are. You are 30% more good looking than you think you are. You are at least 35% more educated and have that bright mind than you think you are.

[00:35:02] We go out there to the world thinking we're not capable of anything. Then we get less than. Then we get the imposter syndrome, all that going. You need to get up and start this work, man, straight away. And don't question it. Just do it as part of your work. Don't miss a day because you have to start from day one again. You will watch your confidence and you will watch the brain at its best follow boxing. And repeat that breath work during the day. And you will see a difference, man. It's so simple, but it's so effective.

[00:35:32] I know. That is deep. How can the people out there find you, Dr. Rob? If you're listening and not watching, guys, I spell my name to Robbkelly.com website. Just put Dr. Rob Kelly in any search engine and all the stuff will come. So there's also the Rob Kelly Foundation. All platforms, remember. But because this show is so amazing. The book I wrote, that's me wasted completely.

[00:36:02] I'm going on a visit to my daughter who thinks everything's okay. And I can't even walk properly in there. So this book is Daddy, Daddy, Please Stop Drinking. The Last Thing My Daughter Said to Me. By the way, when she contacted me four years ago, we sent her back to school. She's now my lead therapist in my Manchester, UK office. I'll send you this. I'll sign it. I'll send free of charge. I'll pay the shipping. I'll do all that stuff. All I need is somewhere on the social medias. It's your name. Mention this show and your address. And we will mail it within the hour.

[00:36:32] Just because David's amazing. Dr. Rob, this has been special, man. We're going to do this again. This was fun. So let's go ahead. Thank everybody for listening. And we appreciate Dr. Rob for spending time with us and giving us his superpower. Editing this podcast is going to be interesting. Very interesting. But everybody out there, have a good night.