Men Dating After Divorce: A 20-Year Dating Coach's Playbook 🎙️❤️ Jared Laurence || DPTSP#163

[00:00:00] 350-Year Dating If you've ever stared at the ceiling during an empty custody week wondering what on earth to do with yourself, today's episode is for you. Our guests have a debating post for men with 20 years of experience working powder for Lauderdale, and almost everyone he works with as a man over 40, staring at starting old. After a long marriage ends, in other words, you are listening, he's not a therapist. He's the first to say so. He handles the practical halves of starting old.

[00:00:31] What you actually do on a Tuesday night, really good. And what to say in the first 10 seconds. No theory, no attitudes, no pitching, just real world guidance from a man, this guy, thousands of guys, the way he's at, the season you eat. So welcome, Jared. Tell me a little bit about yourself and we'll go for you then. Yeah. So you said it very well. Jared Laurence had been at this for two decades.

[00:00:58] Over that time, I have got married, been divorced. Am at the other end of it. Found a love in my life now. About to go, about to get married with her again. Also in that time, I've helped. Last I checked, 479 marriages that I know of. This year, yeah, over this year. And we've helped over 7,000 students. I don't know the exact number, but something north of 7, 7,000. I'm author of The Psychology of Modern Clirting and also How to Meet Your Dream Girl Tonight.

[00:01:28] And yeah, my passion is helping guys get back out in the dating scene and realize they can have a lot of fun being single and they can find true love here. So why in the over 40s specifically? What is it that about this guy that leaks in your quiet? I know I'm not an ageist, David. I don't think I'm 40. I'm not going to work with you. I hope in the 20s. That helped guys even in their 60s, a few in their 70s, honestly. Wow. I just primarily work for guys using their 30s, 40s, 50s.

[00:01:57] And I think the big reason that attracts me to them is because when I was young, when I was in my early 20s, I was going through my pick of artist phase where I just wanted to see as many girls as possible. And it got really hollow. It got really... I was getting more depressed, not happier. That way for some reason. There was a lot of validation. And it wasn't until I got older and, I guess, wiser and whatnot, I realized I really didn't want the validation as much as the connection.

[00:02:27] And I think guys in their later on, in their 40s or later age, I think there's a real issue happening where they're not getting that connection. Meaning they may have come out of a divorce, maybe, or just maybe a long relationship. And they're like, I don't have as many friends I did back in the day. I don't have... I miss the companionship. I just miss having an energy around me, having a woman near me. I've missed traveling around, having a partner, someone to laugh with when I'm on the couch watching TV.

[00:02:55] And I just hear these same stories over and over. And these are great guys. There's nothing... And the worst thing is they think something's wrong with them. They think I'm not good enough. I gotta be better looking or I'm too old for this. Newsflash. It's easier now for me, like, I'll just be a little crude here. It's easier now for me to get girls in their 20s. 25, I recommend something for my auntie's 26. Then it was when I was 22 getting a girl like one or two years older than me. Age is a blessing. Girls love... But they have in their head, I need to be richer. I need to be better looking.

[00:03:25] I need to get younger and do all this plastics. And it's like, no, you're fine. Just the way you are behind your marketing yourself is usually atrocious. So it's usually like, how are you getting yourself out there? And it's not their fault. It's just, you don't know what you don't know. So that's where I come in. I help them build what I call a dating funnel where I show them how to meet women in these different ways. The best strategies to meet them, how to actually attract women.

[00:03:52] What you say and what you do, your game, as we can call it. And then also how to keep them in your life. Sometimes just as friends, but also absolutely making her your girlfriend. So 20 years of coaching men is a long time. What has changed from the beginning to 20 years later? What things have changed? What things have changed is everything. I mean, the biggest, the big one is the dating apps. So dating apps is true.

[00:04:20] There wasn't a thing back when I got, when I learned about this in 2006, we didn't have Tinder or Hinge or any of that kind of stuff. So I think that's a huge one, especially for older guys is they think these apps are rigged. It's a scam. These women just want my money. I've heard it all. They just want my money. It's all these bots. It's fake accounts. It's ugly unattractive, whatever you want to call it. Easy. Like not the best looking women. And my response is, yeah, because you're not doing it right.

[00:04:49] And if they do it right, they can meet amazingly attractive, amazing women. And it can probably get about, my guys are getting on average somewhere between 10 to 20 matches a week. And we usually converse into about one to two dates a week. Just from online. Just from sitting on the toilet or laying in bed. Like they can do. So that's one big thing. I would say the other second thing is they're very used to the old way of man locks eyes with a girl across a bar.

[00:05:19] And cold approaches in debt is not bad. However, nothing is private anymore. You aren't broadcasting yourself through social media. So that's another sign that's proven. So a lot of older guys, I think a little bit I'm foring myself, but they don't want to be on Instagram. They think it's like cute, maybe a way to contact some old friends. But ah, that seems like work. And that's it. The reality is your Instagram and your Facebook has nothing to do with the people that already know you.

[00:05:47] Because they already know you. If you're going to say something, you could just call them, text them directly. It is your landing page. It is your sales page for your life. Meaning any new person you meet, any girl or in a business contact or any friend you meet, they're going to swoop on you and look at it. And if you've got nothing, that does tell them something. So you should be broadcasting yourself through social media in the right way that shows that you're an attractive guy, that shows you a price and shows that you value yourself.

[00:06:17] And it's not even that hard once you like track it. But I think that's a big thing. Like all these guys, you look at their Instagram and it's here's a picture of a plant. Here's a picture of a block of cheese. Here's a picture of a building that is wasting this prime real estate to show people how great you are. Wow. So you're based in Fort Lauderdale. Does geography matter in dating and to divorce or the fundamentals of the world? Yes and no. So? Obviously, so yes and no.

[00:06:45] So look, I'm not going to bullshit and say if you live in Boise, Idaho, it's the same dating market as Miami. Or if you live in Kansas City, it's the same as New York. It does differ, okay? What I don't want guys doing is using that as an excuse to not take action because so many guys... It's like I'm almost hesitant saying it because so many guys have already used that as their excuse.

[00:07:07] I'm in X city and it's either too small and there's nobody here or I'm in this big city but this big city sucks. Like you'll understand, Jared, New York is... Everyone who lives in any city always says where I live is the hardest. This is the hardest place to meet women. I've bought this in Stockholm, Sweden. I've gone to Hong Kong. I've been to Melbourne or Sydney. I've been to all the cities in America everywhere. I hear the same thing every single time. So, look, babe.

[00:07:37] What I would argue here, I did a perfect example. It's a mindset. If you're here in Philadelphia, Miami, same thing. We're brother and sister, right? Everyone, this is the sugar baby capital of the world. It really is. Most women in Miami, they just want to do sugar that. They just want a guy to spend all this money and lavish on them, right? They don't have a good woman. And all that is like sugar baby stuff. So, my mentality is, all right, here, hold my beer. Watch me. I'm still going to find the ideal girl for me.

[00:08:05] And what I found was a girl who was in her mid-twenties. Very attractive, gorgeous blonde girl, Anna. Who is more nerdy than me. She actually got me into anime. I'm a Marvel Star Wars geek. She got me into anime of all things. I was like, oh my God, I can't believe you out-nerded me. She pushes me to go out and have fun and go to lathes and fun stuff. However, she's always down to stay in. She's not a party girl. She never wants to do anything without me unless it's like indoor stuff with her girlfriend. Never goes to party without me.

[00:08:35] She loves to cook and clean and just organize the house all times. And on top of all of that, being like the perfect housewife, she's fascinated by my business. She's a coach in my business. She helps guys with their Instagram, with their fashion. Maybe all of her aesthetics or blah, blah, blah. So this is a girl who has the same shirt. She's the same politics as me, the same religion as me. Like, she's all about my business. She's all about keeping the home well. She's incredibly dutiful and sexual.

[00:09:05] She loves to grow up. And anytime I want to stay in, she's almost more about staying in. She's more nerdy than me. Like, I really, it's almost like I built this girl in a lot. So I could find my exact type, my partner, a girl that I didn't think would exist, in one of the hardest cities in the world to find true love where it shouldn't be me central. Please, tell me your excuse again. I never left it here. What do most newly divorced men believe about dating that's simply dead wrong?

[00:09:35] Red pill. Red pill. Do you know the red pill? Do you know? Yep. But why do you explain it, though? I think the red pill has done way more damage. Look, the only thing I could say about the red pill is it's like, men, be better men and make more money and work out more and be better looker. I didn't think we need a movement for that knowledge. I think we knew about that throughout all of history. I think all men knew that's a good thing to do, and it's not wrong.

[00:10:02] But putting the full emphasis on it has made men bitter, has made men hopeless. It was like, I'm not a millionaire, so there's no hope. I'm never going to be a millionaire. I'm not jacked, and I'm not six foot five, so there's no point. It's giving them hopelessness. We're not six foot, don't even try it. Hypervenient. The girls are never going to go free. It gets them really sad and upset and bitter. They start hating on women. They just, I've seen so much garbage out there, but it plays to their insecurity. It gives, it tells them what they want to hear. It's not your fault.

[00:10:31] It's women's fault. It's a sighting. You're a sweet lady angel. You did nothing wrong. These women, these Western women, they're the devil. And here's some like cherry pink statistics to showcase this. And it doesn't empower them. It doesn't give them any hope. What I do is the exact opposite. I go, I have this crazy idea, this crazy notion of control only the things you can control. Only focus on what you can control.

[00:10:58] Anything on scientists you control is noise and nonsense. Don't worry about it. And what I like to show guys is what if this is a skill like anything else, like playing chess, hosting a podcast, like acting, like whatever. It's a skill. Basketball. It is a learnable, teachable skill. And if you understand the right emotional progression to take a woman through, what I call my attraction ladder, my five vibes for simplicity.

[00:11:26] If you understand this emotional progression, you can get any, not any girl, but any type of woman into you and attracted to you. And guys don't believe until they see you. I met with such skepticism until they literally see it. And then they become like my biggest parents and advocates for like this is insane. For a dating coach, let's talk about the one side of just getting friends. Something simple as that.

[00:11:52] So I think a big one is as we get older, we focus more on our work. We focus more on our habits. We stay in more. And we stop having a lot of friends where we have more than maybe meaningful, powerful friends. But even then that becomes so few or so hard to see, like it starts turning into nothing. So what I advocate is I want guys, number one, get out of the house. Get out of the house. Get out of the house. Get out of the house. I think the big thing is guys, oh, I've been working here and I'm tired. I'm going to go back.

[00:12:22] I'm like, it's so comfy. But this is a definition of get out of your comfort zone. You have to try to grow in the house. And then the idea should be, number one, you should be talking to anyone and everyone. I don't, including women. And the idea is you should have female friends. I would say one of the easy places to start to get back into dating is not to start dating. Is to go out just to make friends, female friends. Because when you have, let's say two, someone who tried to female friends, they're going to introduce you to other girls.

[00:12:52] You are going to have what's called pre-selection. I mean, when you allow your women around you, no other woman will ever find you creepy or weird. Why? Because you're vouched by other women. It just doesn't happen. If you have, you're out with two other women to make, like every girl's, who is this guy? Not one, because you can't get your girlfriend. Two little lips is what I usually do. That one. And you should have 36 women with me. And have his friends. And you learn about female psychology way better than a ripple. You learn how they think, how they operate. Birds of the feather flock together.

[00:13:22] You don't have to think of freaking more guy friends. I would say is you need to have hobbies. You need to have interests. And deal with something active, especially when you get older. So things like acro yoga, where Hutch is built in. Meeting women. Running flood is incredible. There's a lot of people doing running floods. You're getting more active than just getting out there again. But it could be anything. And we go cosplaying and like comic conventions and shit. Like, it could be whatever you want. But you have to force yourself to get out of your head. And be in a talk of it state.

[00:13:52] And then the last thing is you should always, what do we call this TKA or a container event? Meaning you should always know what the next thing you're going to do is. What is happening next week? Always have that. And AI makes it easy. Just ask AI. Hey, I'm into X, Y, and V. What events are going on around me? With that, so that every person you meet, you are funneling them to the next event. Okay. And whoever comes out and tell them to bring their friends. And whoever comes out, you're the one introducing them to each other.

[00:14:22] And now you are the social connector. You're the one connecting everybody, making you the highest in that circle. You're creating your circles down there. So if you say you're careful about the line between coaching and therapy, where is that line for you? And when do you tell a client, hey, that's above my pay grade? How do you make that distinction? If they're having any kind of mental crisis, that's not allowing them to implement the teachings. So here's the difference between therapy and coaching. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy.

[00:14:52] And by the way, I was going into therapy. I was like, I did everything in therapy to become a therapist or psychologist other than the residential, like the one year when you call it internship, just because I chose this path instead of that. So I've seen everything. I've done everything. I shouted them. I just didn't follow that path. Therapy by its core is designed to take whatever situation you have in life and make you attain with it. It's not that bad. Find the silver lining. You will survive. We will get through this.

[00:15:20] And it can be like, all right, let me let go of all these demons or whatever. But it just says you have this going for you in life and maybe we'll explore some options, but let's just be okay with that. And it's not the end of the world and you'll be all right. So if you're having a panic attack, crisis, depression, we can't get out of bed. Therapy is incredible because it gets you over that pump, right? Coaching is very different. Coaching is like, I don't know if I'm on a curse here, but I'll just say screw all that. Screw where you are in life. I don't want you there. I'll get you here.

[00:15:50] You have this goal. So time to shake your wake up. I'm going to tell you exactly what to do to hit this goal. You do. Oh, you're single. Just be okay being single and lonely and don't feel lonely until the one just happens to appear. That's a therapy approach. Coaching approaches. All right, you're lonely. You're going to do X, Y, and Z to start meeting more women, attracting them regularly. And it's an amazing relationship. And we're not going to stop until you hit that goal.

[00:16:19] You told me you care about what a man says in the first 10 seconds. What is that about? And I would argue even more, 30 seconds is probably that you have pretty 10, 30, but you've got a limited impact when you meet a girl. That first impression to create an impactful impression that makes her go, okay, this guy is somebody I want to get to know. Doesn't mean he's going to sleep with you. But it's way easier to keep up. Okay.

[00:16:46] I'm interested in yes as a yes versus a no and turn that around. So that first 10 or 30 seconds, you have to have amazing body language. You have to show her you want nothing from her. You have to get her bar down. That's the comfort phase. The first phase is make her feel comfortable. See, a lot of guys, they walk up to girls and they're going in with this, like, I'm going to pick her up. I'm going to say my lie. Or I'm going to compliment. You're so beautiful. And I just want to stay. They're going in with their intention being known.

[00:17:14] Now, look, if you are pre-selected and you're coming off a yacht and you are 6'5 and you're all the red pill stuff, sure, it back from work. But what you're doing is you're forcing the girl to make a snap judgment decision about it based on nothing other than your occurrence. Okay. And you're pausing some anxiety. Oh, shit, he's hitting on me. I got to go with that mindset now. She wasn't expecting it, right?

[00:17:38] So the idea what I like to do, if we're not that guy, that rich, 6'5 jacked guy, I like to get her guard down by making her comfortable, making her smile, being maybe a little bit playful. I have different openers that I teach here that allow that time to go by, that allow that conversation to happen so that she's not feeling like, oh, he's hitting on me. It's, oh, this guy is cool. He can't deny it. I'll find it. Now, if you stay there, you're going to end up in the friend zone, which is, again, that's fine.

[00:18:07] If you're trying to defend the girl, it's okay. But then if she's cool, if you like her, if she's, if you're vibing, you can take her to the next four vibes that eventually turn it into something serious. Let's talk about the biggest mistakes we make on the first date. And I'm notorious for this. Always talked about that. That's, it was almost like the vanity. You couldn't help yourself. The oversharing, trying too hard, but what are the better things? And how can you not do that?

[00:18:36] I think you hold that in, but it's tough. Here's a trick. So how can we not do that? Here's a trick. Okay. So your first question, trauma dumping, trying to impress the girl, spending money you don't have or overly, you know, lap share with gifts and stuff. Taking the date way too seriously, being way too family or the opposite. Just trying to do like, run to my place and Netflix and chill with no effort, no caring. There's a lot of human stakes here, but what it comes down to is how do you not fall into that trap, right?

[00:19:06] Then it's a mindset shift. Then the mindset shift needs to be, I'm not on this date to get her to like me. She's on a date with you. She already likes you. Your job is not to fuck it up. Your job is to make sure that she keeps liking you, right? Yeah. So what does everybody want? Something they can't have. Everybody wants the prize. Everybody wants somebody. They want to be shooting up, not shooting down. And that's true for women as well. Meaning you have to go to that date acting as if you already are the prize.

[00:19:34] Not in a condescending, arrogant way, but in a way of saying, listen, I know I'm awesome. I know my worth. I'm good. So let me turn that part off and try to showcase that. That will happen naturally. Or if I do want to do that, I'm always going to show or not tell. Show or don't tell. I'll display excellence, not kind of impressive. But I'm going to do, I'm not going to tell her about my dancing. I'm going to dance with her and wow her. I'm not going to tell her how rich I am. I'm just going to pick her up in my Lambo. If that's your hand, that's cool.

[00:20:04] But you've got to show or don't tell. And then the real mindset becomes, is she good enough for me? Because remember, a date goes both ways. She's getting ready. She's putting on her mega. She's trying to make sure. I hope he likes me. Play that role. Be like, I'm not sure about you up for it. We'll see. Let's have some fun. Let me see how you are. And then as it goes on, think she's winning you over versus you're coming in already. Oh my God. I would do anything for this girl. Please like me. It's more like, let's see.

[00:20:33] Let's find out. Let's see what happens. Also, my first date strategy goes against conventional dates. At my conventional dates, I'm going to my second date strategy. First dates, low key, think playful, think fun, think interactive, not the heavy conversation copy dinner dates, stuff like that. Take your old barcade, go axe drawing, do mini golf, do whatever some fun active thing that you actually like to do. Go kayaking or paddle boarding, whatever.

[00:21:02] Something where it's interactive. So you will be talking and laughing and having fun, but it's not forced. You can focus on the activity. Gotcha. Let's talk about kids and dating. How does dating change when kids are in the picture? When do you introduce a new woman to your kids? And I know that all depends on the age of the kids. How does that work? So kids fundamentally change things because long-term connecting, long-term compatibility,

[00:21:31] that theater girl's wheelhouse, it might be. For every girl when a guy has kids is either she goes, hell no, I would never do that. I don't know if I would or not. I'm on the fence. Or yeah, it doesn't matter, right? These are the three categories. So number one, it's going to obviously take a lot of your time and whatever, but you shouldn't be making the kids to focus, especially early on. The focus should be you and her and seeing if there's attraction, if there's that spark.

[00:21:57] So I wouldn't bring up the kids at all until I know there is a spark and she's into me. She's attractive to me. We're hitting it off. Now I can bring up the kids casually as if you're talking about just any other thing in your life. Yes. My favorite food is sushi. Yeah. I'm actually a dad. Yes. I have a dog and his name is Cupid. It's just, you just bring it up. You just don't get this big thing. Don't look at her like, is that okay?

[00:22:25] Because what's going to happen is that she's already attracted to you. Then we're eliminating one bucket. If she's like, hell no, I would never do this. Doesn't matter what you do. She's out of, and you may as well learn it. Junior brother. You don't wait till you're sleeping together and you drop the boncho on her. Oh yeah. I got it. Wait until you, like, clearly she's at me, right? Yeah. But you don't want to waste too much time with a girl that never. If she's a, I don't really care about that. Then it doesn't matter what you do. She'd be fine with it.

[00:22:52] But it's that third box and middle box of she's on the fence. If you tell a girl who is still figuring her out, she's not that interview with kids. She might go, Ooh, wait a minute. I don't know if I want to. That's that could be a lot of responsibility or pressure on me meeting his kid. I don't even know about him yet. So I'm going to pass versus she goes, this guy is awesome. He's amazing. He, I'm really attracted to him. I don't know how I feel about the kids thing, but maybe worth exploring. Let me see. Let me give it a shot.

[00:23:21] That's the bubble or that's the category you want to be with capture when you're still talking about him. Are you a love language guy? Yeah. Yeah. So, so my love language is after service. And when I was dating, it got me in trouble all the time because I'm mowing yards. I'm fixing the swamp cooler and they're falling. And even if we have a thing up front and say, Hey, we're just hanging. We're friends. It's no big deal. This isn't serious.

[00:23:47] It always just went down the tube to love. And so speak to the guy who is in a relationship and she's in love and he doesn't want to break her heart, but he knows this isn't his woman, but he stays in it just because he doesn't want to break her heart. Speak to that guy. You are going to break her heart. Reliance. So it's a tough, close fall. You're either going to be now or it's going to be later. Later.

[00:24:17] You don't want to break her heart. So, but you just go out. You are willing to break the heart. You are going to make her that, or you're going to do something worse and make her resent you and hit on you and make, you know, just have a slow toxic thing that goes later. So we can't protect her heart. We can't because at some point is it going to end? She's not for you. She's not for you. What we can though do is protect her time.

[00:24:42] If you truly care about this friend, not your selfish love, actual love this friend, then you want what's best for her. And that's not wasting her time and not taking her best years and putting her on the back in the dating market. Older in her thirties, forties, whatever. She deserves to be with someone who truly wants to be with her. And if that's not you, then you got to let her free. There's a rabbi calls it. It's fish love. There was a rabbi Jewish parable library.

[00:25:12] And he's like, no, I love her. I don't want to break her heart or I want to get dates or have sex with her or whatever. And he goes, yeah, you love her the same way I love fish. And he goes, what do you mean? I love fish. I like to go take my rod out, put a hook on, put the bait, capture the fish, kill the fish, take the fish out, eat the fish. Now, is that the kind of love you want to have to where it's like, oh, I love the fish. That's why I murder it and eat it. That's not a breed of love. It's fish love.

[00:25:42] We forget it. Love. Oh man. I got the title. Damn. Yes, love. So a lot of our listeners, my listeners have confidence. Their confidence took that beating in the marriage and the divorce. How do you let my man be built genuine confidence rather than fake bravado? Easy. No fake bravado, no amount of meditation, no amount of journaling and no amount of self-healing. I know that's going to be controversial, but none of that's going to build your confidence in them.

[00:26:11] I'm sorry, this is not. And here's why. Real confidence, not bravado. I like that. I'm going to still there. Not bravado. Real confidence only comes from one place and one place only. And then this is it. I will debate this with anyone, anywhere. And real confidence comes from competence. A pilot who's flying the plane, hopefully is very confident because he's competent. He knows what he's doing.

[00:26:36] A surgeon doing surgery is confident doing that surgery because he knows what he's doing. If they switch roles, not so confident anymore, are they? So for guys who are like, I've got to get my confidence back. What you're really saying is you need to get your competence back. Because I have got, listen, David, I have coached guys who are multi-millionaires, high-end executives, six-foot-five Amber Frombie models, Navy SEALs. Like, confident. Mm-hmm.

[00:27:07] Tell me the girlfriend's pretty girl at the bar. They shit themselves. Panic. I think you're like, I've been doing it. You were doing skydiving yesterday. I know, but I'd rather do 10 of those than one of the... It doesn't matter how confident you are elsewhere in your job and your profession. When you're with your friends, whatever. If you are getting tongue-tied talking to the girl or don't know how to approach her, which I can go, my favorite openers and whatnot, or how to do the day, spark a track. Or like, if I know off, I'm probably going to get a fool of myself. So what's the point?

[00:27:36] That's exactly what I do. I teach guys the skills, what to say, what to do, how to play the game properly, how to do things the right way so they're a proven system so they're not guessing and kill and cringe and hover and are weird. They're just like, finally, here it is laid out. I can think of what I need to do. Through my master class, I have a team of coaches with me. Every day we're doing coaching calls. Through one-on-one help, through in-person retreats, through my AI on wind man,

[00:28:05] I can go on, and it's all in through my programming. The most comprehensive thing out there. And that is what's going to lead to actual confidence. You cannot fake it. If they try, I'm going to throw your line, it's bravado. And that easily gets weeded out by any girl talking to him. So how does a man keep his identity as a father central while still building a new romantic life? And do these roles ever conflict? Look, at the end of the day, you're going to be a father first.

[00:28:34] That's in Belou. So if it conflicts, there's no conflation. You're a father first, right? That's nobody should be choosing some random girl over their kid. That's priority number one. But the second thing is, that means they ask you, all right, how does being a podcast producer identity coexist with dating? How does being an interior, whatever person's job is or interested, like these are different sides of me, right?

[00:29:03] So if you're a Christian, how does being a Christian coincide with dating, right? There might be some frowns of it, like the lowintest and district children, but I don't want guys defining that. Too many men are defining themselves as a father. And that becomes their entire identity. It is a giant party. And it should be celebrated and it shouldn't be hidden away or nothing like that.

[00:29:26] But if that's all you are, anything, your job, your relationship shouldn't define you, your fatherhood shouldn't define you. The only closest thing I could think of is somebody that should define somebody is like their purpose in life. And even then, you've got to still be multidimensional. You should still have other sides of things. So you could be a devout man of faith and still have free conditions. It doesn't fit. You can be an easy athlete.

[00:29:55] You can be an amazing athlete and dominate the basketball court and you can still nerd out to Marvel and Game of Thrones. Like, you don't have to fit a perfect stereotype. You can define what you are, not any label. Wow. I wasn't ready for that. So you were talking about being a podcast producer and dating. So I had a story.

[00:30:22] So when I started this podcast or the other podcast during 16, every woman I dated hated that I podcasted about divorce recovery. Every single woman. That's cool. I'm telling women I'm a dating coach. I just might not have to be in charge of women. I get that. They're like, is he going to trickery on me or am I? Yes, but my current wife loves it. So it's very interesting. So the one thing I want to tell my guys out there, because they have about a half hour attention span, like me.

[00:30:50] The one thing I want to tell the guys out there about dating, what do you want to tell them? It's a skill. Learning the skill. It is a skill. You need to practice it. You need three things. If you want to be successful dating, there's three ingredients. You need to practice to the point of obsession as much as you can. Get the fuck out. Go do it. Number two, you need to experiment and tweak what you're doing.

[00:31:18] As if you learn mad scientist, if you keep doing the same thing and expecting different results, congratulations, that's a definition of insanity. So you're going to be tweaking everything. And number three, you need a mentor or a model. Just like any skill, you need someone to show you a way. Whether it's a coach like myself or a good friend of yours, she's an ad and you're just watching me around, whatever. But you need a guy. Now, if you do these three things, you will be successful at this very, very quickly.

[00:31:48] If you do two of the three, you can be successful, but it may take a decade or longer. If you only one of the three, you will never get success. Last question, other than where to find you, what's the difference between a wingman and a coach? A wingman is just there to help me talk to the non-so-recharging friend of the coach.

[00:32:12] Wingman is your buddy who is going out in here and jumping out the grenade and just laughing off. He doesn't. You better help me out the doing. I could have a downer and he came. He's near that. He's near that, bro. What did you do? Oh, I didn't realize. I thought you wanted the 300. That's what I am now. Go ahead. Bro, it's perfect. Work at my guys' things on the internet. Yes, that's a win-win. So what I do, I'm a coach.

[00:32:42] So I do a feedback loop. I help prepare you as much as possible. As much as possible. I get to do my whole systems. You go and execute action. And then we give you feed me and my team. We give you feedback on what's working, what's not working. And show you your blind spots. It's called blind spots for a reason. Say, oh, okay, this is how it goes. Which would then prepare you more. And you take action. And it's a feedback loop. To ensure that you hit your balls. And this is a process that can take a matter of months.

[00:33:11] It doesn't have to take years of doing this. And if, look, you're struggling. You're out of a relationship. It means hard getting back out there again. You want a better system. You want to stop waiting until you're old and gray. And you're bold and you're trying to figure this out. Then yes, please reach out. There's a few ways. My website, The Modern Success. Themodernsuccess.com is my website. You can check out a bunch of me there. You can check out my Facebook page, Modern Success. Data Advice. You can check my Facebook page.

[00:33:40] I'm posting new stuff out there all the time. You can message me directly on Facebook. On Instagram. I got one. It's coming back up soon. It's the Jared Lawrence. And if you don't see that on Instagram. You can end up with the Jared Lawrence coach. That's my backup one that I love. Either way, that's probably the best. Is either Facebook or Instagram. Just messaging me directly. Because then we can have a conversation about what's been holding you back. And I can start steering you in the right direction. That's probably the absolute best. Jared, this has been inspirational.

[00:34:10] Good. I'm booking. You got one, nothing left. Oh man. I can't wait to be a wingman. You're not a wingman. There you go. All right, Jared. Hold on the line for a second. But thanks for your time. I really appreciate this Friday morning. Take care. And take care of you. Thank you.