Keep Your Eye On The Ball in Your Divorce Recovery - John Leister || Don’t Pick the Scab Podcast #029 || David M. Webb

[00:00:12] Welcome to the Don't Pick the Scab Podcast with the premise of connecting men over 40 with the tools and community to thrive in their divorce recovery either before, during or after a divorce. Welcome everybody out there to Don't Pick the Scab Podcast. I'm David Webb and on the mic I have John Leister from British Columbia, Canada. He's an author and has written and published nearly 50 books. Probably 50 by the time we finish this podcast.

[00:00:41] He follows his passion as a professional writer. Welcome to the podcast John. Can you tell me a little bit about yourself and how you came to write? Sure, thank you very much David. It's great to meet you and I appreciate the opportunity. I just want to make one clarification. I'm very happy that you described me as a professional writer, but that's really my goal. That's the goal that I'm reaching towards.

[00:01:04] I'm a self-published author. I've made a few sales. And anyway, just to backpedal a little bit, when I was a boy I wanted to be a comic book artist. I grew up in the 1970s and I had a huge collection of Marvel and DC Comics and I drew every day and I was good at it. But then I don't know what happened. I guess I was too extroverted as a boy and I gave it up. And then after high school I tried acting for a couple of years. I don't know if you remember a show called The Big Valley. Remember the show was a western? Kinda, yeah. Yeah, kinda.

[00:01:33] And one of the stars of that show, Peter Grecht, he came to Vancouver and he started an acting school called the Grecht Academy. And this was around the mid 1980s and that was when the film and TV industry was really booming. And so I walked past his acting school one day. I was in my early 20s and my life was really going nowhere. And I thought, okay, we've got a good acting at go. And that was an amazing experience. I got to meet Richard Dreyfuss. He came to the Academy when he was filming Steakout back in the day with Emilio Estadet.

[00:01:59] I didn't even name drop him to share my experiences. And I got to meet Gene Hackman. He came to the Academy when he was making a narrow margin back in the day. And believe it or not, I was an extra in Rocky IV. Rocky IV, the big fight at the end with Ivan Drago was shot at the Agridome in Vancouver. So me and my buddy Jeff went. We were extras for a single day. And what happened was, and I don't mean to gross you or anything, listen to yourself, but I developed psoriasis. Do you know what that is? It's a malconditioner.

[00:02:26] Right. So if you ever have dry skin, some of us, some of our bodies create much more skin than we generally would be considered normal. And psoriasis is hereditary, but it's also exacerbated by mitigating factors such as poor diet. My diet sucked. I'm a recovering sugarholic. I'm very overweight. I used to weigh anywhere from 255 to 250 pounds. And so believe it or not, I've been a security guard of all things for 35 years. I gave up on my thing about things because my skin got to be so bad, like literally pieces of skin were coming off my face.

[00:02:54] I was feeling, feeling more like a reptile and less like a human being. And every so often, sporadically, every few, every few years or so, I would try to write something. You know, I would read a self-help book, you know, Anthony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within, or a book by T-Pack. You know, I try to fill my head with as much positive philosophy and information as possible. But it didn't really take in a meaningful way until 2019. And I don't mean to be pushy or preachy about this stuff again at the end of the day. I'm just sharing my story.

[00:03:23] And I developed a mindset that has worked for me. And basically boils down to this. I reached out to God. I came home from work one day, and I was feeling very lonely, and I was feeling very depressed. And I kind of felt like, well, this is as good as my life is ever going to get. I've had all these chances, and I've had all these opportunities. And I've allowed all these obstacles in my mind to block myself from manifesting the version of myself that I always knew I could be, which is a manifester and not just a service provider.

[00:03:52] Which is, by the way, is what I'm still doing. I'm still working in the service industry. You know, that's my bread and butter job. And so I said, God, our Heavenly Father, you know, I've heard about you my whole life. I've always been something of an open-minded agnostic, I guess. I would never consider myself a full-blown atheist. Because at the end of the day, I don't think any of us really know. It's either you have faith or you don't have faith. And so I realized about myself that I'm the kind of person, David, who tries a little bit harder than I have in my mind that as someone who loves me and accepts me for who I am,

[00:04:21] who unconditionally is rooting for me, kind of like Yoda in Luke Skywalker's Rucksack, to at least try to at least make some effort towards self-manifestation. So just to backpedal a little bit, around 2005, I wrote a book about stories at work over a period of a few months. And I created this character called Lee Hacklin. There he goes shamelessly plugging his product. Lee is a private investigator. And most of my stories take place in the 1970s and some of them take place in the 1980s when I was a young man.

[00:04:51] And he's a smoker and he's a drinker and he's a skirt chaser, but he's got a heart of gold and he likes to help people. So after I reached out to God in 2019 and asked him to help me start believing myself a little bit more, I dusted off the short stories. And thank goodness I made hard copies. The pages were yellow and dusty and all curled at the corners. And I read them. And I don't know if you do any creative writing, David, but it was the first time in my life where I was able to read something that I'd written. Somebody else had written them.

[00:05:19] And I remember thinking, gosh, you know, if these stories were written by Joe Blow instead of John Leister, I know I would like them. I mean, at the end of the day, I know they're not great literature because basically what I'm writing is pulp fiction. It's good guys and bad guys. They're the kinds of stories that I liked when I was a poet, where there's a clear cut hero to root for. And then I create some very unsavory characters who get their comeuppance. And so that was the beginning of my journey of becoming a self-published author. And this was 2019.

[00:05:47] And it was a real uphill battle for me because I'm not a tech savvy guy. I mean, I was alive at a time when none of this stuff existed. And so, you know, I was going to the library and I was asking the staff to help me and Amazon. Initially, I dealt with Amazon. Now I deal with Dracula Digital. I mean, they'll come back to that. And Amazon is rejecting banking information and then go to the bank and it's writing to me. I was losing my mind.

[00:06:10] And I remember thinking, if I didn't have God in my life, if I hadn't taken this leap of faith, knowing who I was back then, not to be overly self-denigrating, but I probably would have given up after two or three tries. I said, oh, gosh, it's too hard. And this is an important life lesson, I feel, that we all know, but sometimes we need to remind ourselves, David, when we embark on a new journey in our life, we have to have it in our mind's eye that there's going to be obstacles that we don't anticipate along the way. And it's okay.

[00:06:40] You know, we need those challenges because that's what makes us stronger. That's what strengthens our character. But I wasn't prepared for that in my mind. I thought it's too close to the mouth. I didn't know if you're talking about it. So, but because I had God in my life, kind of like Big Brothers from 1984, Big Brothers is watching you, but in a good way. You know, not in a harsh, punitive way, in a loving, cheering way, eternal way.

[00:07:02] And so after about a hundred tries over a period of, in four weeks, I saw this glorious screen, this glorious window on the screen one day. Congratulations, your e-book is published. And that was my first book, plug, plug, plug. The Collective Cases of Lee Hacklin, 1970s Private Investigative Performance, which is my first collection of short stories. And I remember thinking, gosh, so that's what that feels like. You know, actually starting something, embarking on a new venture. And there were hiccups and potholes along the way.

[00:07:32] And it actually crossed the finish line. Have you seen the movie Billy Elliot about the boy who wants to be a ballet dancer? Have you seen that movie? I know what it is, but I haven't seen it now. Okay. I recommend it highly. It's a beautiful film. Anyway, just to encapsulate slightly, it's the 1970s. It's a hard-bitten mining town. And this 10-year-old boy of all things wants to be a ballet dancer. And of course, his father's an alpha male and he loses his mind. But spoiler warning, he comes around and he takes Billy to his ballet school. And the auditioners ask Billy, well, how do you feel when you dance? He says, I feel like electricity.

[00:08:01] And that's how I felt when I played school. That first book. And I remember thinking, gosh, I'm 53. You know, I'm lucky I made it this far. I don't know how many years I have left. But I want to feel this way all the time. And so I discovered over the last five years that not only do I have the desire to write, but that I don't have to will myself to do it. This is what I meant to do with my life. And once I reached out to God, and once I felt his love, I discovered that love is a great motivator.

[00:08:31] And I think that many of us feel unmotivated in life. You know, we have all these amazing ideas in our minds, but we just let them lie fallow because we don't feel loved. We don't feel that we're good enough. Or we're afraid of being criticized. Or we're afraid of being in front of. You know, all these BS obstacles. And I knew better because like I said, I read all these self-help books back in the day. You know, Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power. And it all made sense to me. But I was too ensconced in this niche where I carved out for myself,

[00:09:01] where I was just coming home after work every night with my staff of DVDs or my novels or my comic books. And what am I going to have for dinner tonight? Pizza and cabs. I mean, I was just living like a stereotypical nerd, but not the productive kind. You know, just very passive. I remember someone once described me as passive. And John, you're a very passive person. And I think she meant it as a compliment. But I don't think any man or woman for that matter really wants to be described that way.

[00:09:29] So basically, that's my story in a nutshell. Now it's 2024. And I've got over a hundred books online. Wow. Granted, they're not very long. I mean, some of them are 30 to 40 pages long. They're really short stories. And I've discovered that every... There's my notebook. Every time I open my old school dollar story notebook, two, three pages, boom. I don't know if it's good, but I know that I enjoy doing it. That it's my bliss. And every time I write, I make myself laugh.

[00:09:59] Sometimes I make myself cry. And the most beautiful thing about writing that I've discovered is that feeling of discovery. You know, discovering something new about these characters that I've been writing for the last five years now. I have a group page called Johnny's Way on Facebook. Over 700 members. Any of you listeners, yourself, are welcome to join if you like. A little while back, I took a picture of myself holding a book by an author named Mike Madden. And Mike Madden is one of the writers of the Jack Ryan series of novels.

[00:10:29] He took over from Tom Clancy after Tom Clancy passed away. So I took a picture of myself with one of his books and I posted it on his Facebook page. And I told him about my group page. Well, guess what? Who joined? This best-selling author joined Facebook. Right? I know it's amazing, right? And this is my message to people out there. Particularly people who are my age. And we're not that far from age-wise. But I know people my age who are like, oh, there's black technology. And they're like, no, no, no, no. Take advantage of this stuff.

[00:10:57] We need the most amazing people. We need like-minded people. And when I say like-minded, I don't mean politics or religion. I don't care about any of that stuff. I mean like-minded people in my case. People who have passion. People who are manifesting. People who believe in themselves. People who have guts. You know, it takes guts to do what you're doing. To have a podcast. Put yourself out there. But it takes guts to write. To put your stories out there. Or get two chairs. To share your soul with the world. Because people will make fun of you.

[00:11:26] They will criticize you. And it's good that they're doing that. Because at least they're paying attention to what you're doing. And if the whole world thought that I was the world's worst writer, I would still do it. That's my bliss. So that's my story in a very long window. Wow. Yeah. So you're talking about the potholes and the speed bumps of life. What kind of advice or guidance can you give to my men over 40 going through or already divorced? How can you give them some hope?

[00:11:57] Give them a pep talk. This is a very timely question for me. I've never been married. But my girlfriend of three years recently broke up with me. And there were some red flags in our relationship. So when I read an email, it didn't come as a complete surprise to me. Again, we have to have it in our mind's eye that life sucks sometimes. You know, there's just no getting around it. There are things that happen that are beyond our control that are going to hurt us.

[00:12:26] And then now there are some things that we do that are within our control that are going to hurt us. And the important thing to keep in mind is that it's part of the journey. And this is what I tell myself. And I saw bad days. And obviously that was a bad day. You know, when I read the email, I was like, okay, well, then I kind of saw that. I saw this coming, but it was still very hurtful to me. I just tell myself this is a part of the journey. And if you have to suffer, if you have to express grief, then for goodness sakes, express it.

[00:12:55] But not to the point where you know, it's like five years from now, you still breathe. Right? You allow yourself a little bit of time and just tell yourself, you know, this is a part of the journey. You know, this is what makes the sweeter things in life that much more sweeter. Right? It's like what Harvey Dent said in the dark night. What did he say? It was always darkest before the dawn. Right? We have to remind ourselves that tomorrow is another day. This is not the other.

[00:13:23] And that's the nice thing about getting older. Right? Because I think that when we're younger, I think that the dramas of our lives, you know, they tend to be a lot more intense. And then we get older and we tell ourselves, you know what? I've been through this before. You know, it's not a great feeling. It's, you know, it's sad. But again, we have to keep our eye on the ball.

[00:13:45] And for me, the ball in my case is that I am moving towards a place in my life where it's my creativity that pays for my Starbucks coffee and my beer on the weekends. It's my ability to write these stories that will be my main source of income. And whatever hiccups and obstacles and whatever upsets occur along the way, that's just part of the journey.

[00:14:11] You know, if you and I, if we think of our lives as heroic quests, like Sam and Frodo, like Sam and Frodo climbing up the hill with a ring. Right? What's their mission? You know, their mission is to drop that ring into Mount Doom to save the world. Right? That's how all of us should think of our lives as. Because again, it's motivating. We have to have a mindset that motivates us. So your podcast is focused on divorce.

[00:14:37] I would say to all you guys out there that have been through divorce, I'm very sorry for your pain. But you know what? You just watch Rocky Balboa and watch that monologue where Sylvester Stallone says to his son, you have to take the hits. We all get beat up sometimes in life. Generally, it's not physically. I mean, it can happen, obviously. But we all of us get beaten up emotionally sometimes. And we have to tell ourselves, this is a tunnel that I'm in right now.

[00:15:06] But there's a light at the end of it. I'm moving towards that light. And you just get right back on that horse. So how can you... And again, you have to have a mindset. And I would also say, always remind yourself that you're loved. There's somebody out there who loves you. And you owe it to them, right? To get back on that horse. And also, here's another thing. We should also be trying... We should also think of our lives as example setters.

[00:15:35] You know, you setting an example with your podcast or whatever other things you're doing with your life. I like to think that I'm setting an example by reaching out to nice people like yourself. And letting people know, say, you know what? It's not too late. You know, we have to live our lives in the present. And this is another thing I would say to any man is going through divorce, right? The more you dwell on the past... Oh, I remember when I was happy and the marriage was going great and everything. The more we dwell on the past, the weaker we feel inside, right?

[00:16:04] And when we feel weak inside, we feel disempowered. And when we feel disempowered, all the temptations that we're all faced with every day become much more alluring. Whether it's alcohol or drugs or, you know, sitting in front of the TV every night and pounding down junk food. Which is how I lived my life for the better part of 35 years. You have to have a trampoline in your mind that you can bounce off of. And for me, that's God. And God is in my mind all the time. And God is like, there, there.

[00:16:34] There, there, there, John. You know, it's not the end. Tomorrow's another day. Wow. And I have faith that my life is worth living. And all of us, whether we believe in God or not, we have to have faith that our lives have meaning. And what gives our lives purpose. And so, anybody out there is going through a divorce, specific situation. So, ask yourself this question. What is my purpose?

[00:16:59] Is my purpose to feel sad for the rest of my life because my wife left me? Or is my purpose to get right back on that horse and start fresh? Get after it. No matter, no matter how old you are. As long as you have some cognitive ability. And as long as you have a ton of passion. You know, Herman Wook, who's one of my favorite authors. He wrote his last book when he was a hundred years old. Right? You know, and, and from some of the reviews that I read, I haven't read the book, but apparently he's one of his books. You have to live our lives in here and now.

[00:17:29] That's where power is. And see, you know, when I, when I read that email from, from my, my, my, now my ex-girlfriend, I just sent you an email back. It's like, that's fine. That's fine. You know, some guys become obsessive and, and they say, no, no, take me back. No, I will never be that guy. You have to be like Rocky Balboa. Rocky Balboa is an ultimate example. Keep moving forward. Adrian. Adrian. Keep moving forward. Right? Right. That's my opinion anyway. Take it to leave it.

[00:17:57] So how can pursuing your dream or passion foster healing or moving on from a devastating event using that creative spark in your life? Because we need to feel good about ourselves. Again, I can't really answer that question without repeating myself. When we dwell on the past, we're just not going to feel, we feel disempowered.

[00:18:18] And, and so creating, when I create, I have a, I have faith that I'm in sync with the, with the ultimate attainable, a mind's eye version of myself. And, and so, if, when I procrastinate, if I say tomorrow, or again, if I allow other people's weak and restrictive philosophies to undermine me, then, then, then again, that's going to make me feel disempowered.

[00:18:41] And then again, the temptations that we're all faced with every day, again, whether it's drugs or junk food or alcohol, you know, they become much more rewarding, right? There are all these escapes that we can, that we can, and for me as a boy, it was comic books. You know, when I, when I came home from school, I couldn't wait to dive into my comic books, because, because the world of the superhero comic book made, made more sense to me than the real world.

[00:19:05] The real world to me was muddy and dark and fuzzy and people bouncing off the walls and, you know, overreacting to every little hiccup. You know, you know, Captain Kirk says we're running a liquor store every time the Klingons attack, right? Oh, yeah. I always like stories about characters who, who face challenges cheerfully, you know, and smile. It's like, oh, plan A doesn't work, apply, try plan B. You know, the kinds of people that you want in your life, and then you need to try to emulate them.

[00:19:32] So, again, creating, for me, again, it's, it's doing. You know, we have to do whatever it is that we're thinking. If we just think it, then, then we're going to feel depressed. So, people out there who are depressed, for goodness sakes, put your stupid drugs down. Put your stupid antidepressants down. I mean, if you have to take them, take them. But for goodness sake, just go for a walk. Move your body. Move your body. Move around. Start breathing. Engage with other people.

[00:19:58] And sit down with a pen and paper and ask yourself, what do you really want? How do you like? And then take the time to move towards it. And if, and if you're married and if you have kids and you're working three jobs, you get up a half hour earlier and a half or stay up a half hour later. Because time, time goes by so quickly. And again, that's been another motivator for me too. The older I get, the more aware I am of the finite needs of time. And, and I'm in sync with the John Leister that I want to be and better late than ever.

[00:20:28] And, and, and again, all the hiccups, whether it's divorce or whatever it is, you have to anticipate those things. You know, when you, when you go out in your day and you start your day, you have to anticipate that, that you might have to deal with a difficult person. And I work security. I deal with difficult people, you know, every day. That's part of the job. And you just accept it. You don't fight it. You don't push back against it. You just accept it. And, and, and it's centering.

[00:20:55] We have to have a default position in our minds that centers us. So if you, if people who don't have that, and a lot of people don't, that's why they're so stressed out all the time. Or they have anxiety. Or they're defensive. Or, you know, you have a chat with them. You say, hey, how's it going? And they tell you to go to hell. Well, you know, why would they do that? Because they're going through life thinking that people are bad. They don't see the beauty. You have to see the beauty of life. Look at the Starbucks. Nice people just going about their lives.

[00:21:24] You know, the news is never going to report that. And that's another part of my philosophy, quote unquote philosophy, is I don't watch the news. Because it's all, it's all about the chaos and the madness of the world. I'm a recovering news junkie. Once I stopped watching news, my mind began to focus more on what's beautiful and what's possible. And there's nothing more satisfying, in my opinion, than the act of creation. Whether it's a story, you and your podcast, or it's a table that you built with your bare hands.

[00:21:53] So all your listeners out there who are going through divorce, I'm very sorry for your pain. I get it. But get busy. Get busy. A busy mind is a happy mind. Sit around, feeling sorry for yourself, pounding down one beer after another. Then you're just digging yourself deeper and deeper into the hole. So you're not going to be happy doing that stuff. You kind of reminded me of Don Henley, Dirty Laundry. There you go. I love that stuff.

[00:22:21] So how important is establishing and reestablishing old friendships and new friendships and going through life and moving on with your life? Okay. Well, I mean, once I reached, after I reached out to God and began to, you know, not beat myself up so much, I started reaching out to a lot of friends from high school. Some of them thought I was dead because they had heard from me in so many years. And I have over 5,000 Facebook. I have the maximum number of 5,000 friends.

[00:22:51] I mean, most of them are planes. Some of them are probably 5. But again, you know, human beings are social creatures. You need other people in their lives. And another thing that has motivated me to do this is loneliness. You know, that's really why I reached out to God. Because I was just spending far too much time by myself. You know, no man or woman for that matter is an island. You need other people in their lives. And you can be a little bit discriminated, you know.

[00:23:19] If someone has a negative force in your life, if someone has nothing to talk about other than their pet peeves or, you know, how much they hate their jobs or how unhappy they are, I would suggest to people, even if they're failures, and feel free to disagree.

[00:23:35] But I feel that we owe it to ourselves to disengage from those negative people and seek out people out there like yourself who are manifesting, believe in themselves, who have a positive attitude, and are going for a Rocky Belt Bowl as well. But we need other people in our lives. We absolutely do. And I certainly do anyway. That's why I'm reaching out. Reaching out all the time. Reaching out every day. I hate to disappoint you, John, but my favorite, Rocky's Three with Mr. T.

[00:24:05] I love Clever Lang. That was the best. I do need a pull. You know, when he questioned Rocky's manhood and asked if his wife need a real man, I was like, yeah, I like Mr. T. I think you've been through some struggles in life and everything, but then you bounce back. John was doing right. Oh, well, as I said, mostly I'm writing about my boy. I like to think of him as my boy, Lee Haflin, and some of the detective stories.

[00:24:34] You know, when I was a younger man, I read a series called Spencer by Robert B. Parker. Are you familiar with him? He's an American writer, and he created the Spencer character who's based in Boston. And I read these books back in the day, and I remember thinking, gosh, I think I can do this. You know, he wrote from a first-person narrative. And the thing I like about the detective genre is that it's pretty close to the superhero genre. I mean, really, as I said, a grub breed, but it's a more realistic kind of superhero.

[00:25:02] And I also wrote a two-part science fiction series called The Taking of Red Star 1. And I have another series called The Urban Tiger, which is kind of like kick-ass about a boy who wants to be a superhero who doesn't have powers or anything like that. He just puts on a mask, and he runs around Times Square in New York City and tries to be a Samaritan. But over the last couple of years, basically, it's been these detective stories. And every time I open my notebook, I mean, the words just don't come up fast. This is what I was meant to do with my life. I can't fix a car.

[00:25:32] I can't shingle the roof. But I can write these stories. And I will write until my last day of corporeal existence because it's my bliss. And I'm writing on teams right now. I think I have to go pretty soon. Oh, there you go. What is your favorite private eye back in the 70s, 80s? What's your flavor? Spencer. Spencer? Spencer was a – I think – I don't know if it's his first name or his last name. But Spencer was a TV series with Robert Gurek. With Robert Gurek, yeah. He was a Spencer for hire.

[00:26:01] Was he the one that had the car? Mark Wahlberg, Spencer Confidential. Yep. But if you ever read those books, I mean, it's super entertaining. And Robert B. Parker wrote from a first-person narrative. And that's how I write because I like getting into the mind of my hero.

[00:26:19] And also you can sort of – you can make little comments on – you'll make social commentary or whatever your political beliefs are or your philosophical beliefs through your character as he interacts with all these wild and idiosyncratic supporting characters. And so my favorite detective – and I mean I read Sherlock Holmes too. I recently bought a used book by The Collective Cases of Sherlock Holmes.

[00:26:43] And I mean those stories are really, really – I find – I love reading Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's writing. He's just such a gloriously great writer too. My favorite detective – and you know, Jim Rockford back in the day, The Rockford Files was a big influence too. I reference The Rockford Files a lot in my Lee Hacklin stories. Do you? Well, mine was Columbo. You know, he was absent-mandered and he always came – Can I ask you one more question? Yep. Go ahead. Go ahead. Yeah, yeah. I watched Columbo too back in the day. Sure.

[00:27:13] The NBC mystery – the NBC Monday Night Mystery movie. Yes. With Nolan and White. Yep. And Danichak was – Wow. George Papart. Danichak with Dennis Weaver. So if you could grab one of my divorce recovery guys and he represented every guy who was getting divorced and going through pain and you could open up his head and dump some knowledge in there, what would you tell them?

[00:27:39] I would just tell them, you know, tell your clients, you know, again, I'm repeating myself. They're there. It's not the end of the world. Life is hard sometimes. You know, we have to accept that the person we love, you know, that those feelings are – you can't take our loved ones for granted. Let's put it that way. And feelings do change. And, you know, my ex-girlfriend, you know, maybe she met another guy. I don't know.

[00:28:04] I think that the reasons that people break up are sometimes as a variant between the actual reasons and what we're being told. You just have to accept reality. And if you have to grieve, if you have to cry, if you need a shoulder to cry on, look, we're all human beings. I don't care if you're a man or a woman. We all have the same feelings at the end of the day. But again, don't allow those feelings to consume the rest of your life.

[00:28:32] You know, if you're still breathing over your wife, leaving you a year from now, then you better talk to a professional. You better get some professional help. And I did. Actually, I was in therapy for a year. In the early 2000s, I went to a cognitive therapist. And that was an amazing experience. I mean, I don't feel like doing any of that was a waste of time. And my therapist gave me this bit of advice, which I think about every day, which is this. We have to like ourselves unconditionally. We don't need a reason.

[00:29:01] No, actually, that's not even good enough. You have to love ourselves. And it's not narcissism to love yourself because love is a motivator. And again, you fall off the horse. You have to cry a little. You cry a little. But then you get back on and get on with your life. And you tell yourself all of this stuff, all of this garbage that I'm going through, this is what makes us stronger.

[00:29:26] You know, if you watched a movie where nothing happened, where the main character was happy from beginning to end, it's a pretty boring movie, right? Yeah, very. It's pretty dull, right? But if you have challenges to overcome, that's what makes the story interesting. And that's what makes our lives interesting. And it sucks sometimes when you're in the middle of it. I get it. When you're in the middle of a stressful situation, it can be very disempowering. That's why we need to have that simple position in our mind's eye.

[00:29:55] And again, I would always start with this is not the only thing that's the end of the world is the end of the world. This is just and vocabulary is important, too. Right. If we tell ourselves this is a crisis, this is a catastrophe, right? That intensifies those feelings of disempowerment. But if we tell ourselves this is a hiccup, this is just a little bump in the road. It's a little bump in the road. And it's okay. And again, it calms us down.

[00:30:25] We have to be calm. Take a deep breath. Deep breath. And take action. That's the most important thing. Take action. And again, if we sit around and stew over and stew in our Jesus, then that's a road that's going to take us far away from who we really are. Well, can you tell us where to locate you on the Internet? And I'll have those connections at the bottom of the show notes. But tell the people out there where to find you. Thank you so much, David. Okay.

[00:30:54] My profile page is John Leister. My group page is Johnny's Way. Sorry, I just spat on the phone. Again, over 700 members. And anybody out there, please feel free to join. I write once or twice a week what I like to think are uplifting and motivating essays about manifestation. And I also post videos of myself or reading my stories into the phone. And if you go to YouTube and if you type in John Leister, your author, you can see some of the other podcasts that I've been on.

[00:31:22] And if you go to Kobo or Apple or Barnes & Noble and you can type in John Leister, you can check out my books. Most of them are 99 cents. Now, time permitting, I would be more than happy. I've done this before. I wouldn't have to email anybody who's interested one of my books. My email is johnleister in small letters 611 at hotmail.com. And I've done this a few times. And I've gotten some amazing feedback from people. I want to make money doing this. I want to be a professional writer.

[00:31:50] But at the end of the day, it's about sharing. And when I get a positive response from someone who's read something that I've written, that feeling cannot be priced. Yeah, it's a great feeling. Well, we want to thank John for taking the time out with us today. Thanks for your time and your presence. And you've got interesting feedback, man. I'm going to have a fun time editing this one. It's going to be fun. You've been an interesting guest big time.

[00:32:18] But we want to appreciate you for helping. And we'll sign off here. But don't go anywhere.