How to get a R.I.S.E. out of your Divorce Recovery - Cody Butler || DPTSP #071 || David

[00:00:00] Welcome to the Don't Pick The Podcast that presents solutions for men over 40 to recover from divorce. We present some of the out of the box advice for my special guests with each of them with their own superpower. Today we have Cody Butler from Australia, an author, a coach who is known for his R.I.S.E. formula. Some of his superpowers are helping people breaking free from the mental traps that keep you stuck, showing the shortcut to happiness and going from the past.

[00:00:30] From Trauma to Triumph. So go ahead and tell us a little bit about yourself, Cody, and I got some questions for you.

[00:00:51] Welcome to the Don't Pick The Scab Podcast with the premise of connecting men over 40 with the tools and community to thrive in their divorce recovery either before, during or after a divorce. Check it out.

[00:01:05] Cody Butler, MD, PhD Hey, thanks for having me, Dave. Yeah, my passion really is helping people get out of the mess that I was in not too long ago. And what that was, was it the best way to describe it really is just a sense of low grade misery that's always there in the background. It doesn't matter. I'd have my triumphs and I'd have my wins, but I'd always reset back to that state of anxiety and stress and depression to one level or another. And it didn't matter what I did.

[00:01:35] I tried everything to get out of it. Cold showers, affirmations, humming into crystals, you name it.

[00:01:41] Cody Butler, MD, PhD I tried it and nothing really worked. And until one day I was at the end of another failed relationship. She'd left me. I was heartbroken. And I just had enough, to be honest with you.

[00:01:54] Cody Butler, MD, PhD And I just couldn't, I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't continue to live. It got to the point where I had to ask myself the question, is this the rest of my life? Is this what the rest of my life looks like? I'm 35 years old at this point.

[00:02:06] How I'm going to live the rest of my life. It's just low grade misery throughout all of it. And that's when it all turned around. I drew a line and the journey started from there.

[00:02:17] Yeah. Can you explain, thank God for editing. Can you explain the rise formula and how it can help me in going through a divorce or after divorce?

[00:02:26] Cody Butler, MD Sure. So to be more specific in my story, I couldn't keep anything. So I was a millionaire by the age of 24. I was bankrupt at the age of 25. I got my dream relationship. She left me. I got my dream house. It went to the ground. I got my dream car. I crashed it. And my problem was I just couldn't hang on to stuff. I had no problem getting stuff. I just couldn't hang on to stuff.

[00:02:52] And at the end, at this final point where I just couldn't take it anymore, I was just praying and calling out. And I'm like, what is going on? Why do I lose everything good that comes into my life? Why do I get it? And then I'm just disappointed. Like it's almost cruelty, right? It's like dangling it in front of me going, hey, here it is. You can touch it. You can't keep it.

[00:03:13] And it came to me when I was five years old. My father came home with a glove, holding a glove. And he said, is this your glove, Cody? I said, yes, it is. And he said, do you know where I found that? I said, no. He goes, I found it on the side of the road. And he looked at me and he goes, you don't deserve nice things, Cody.

[00:03:31] And that was the moment right there where that belief was put inside of me. You don't deserve nice things. And I realized it all of a sudden at five years old, I'd been given a belief that I'd internalized as being absolutely true. And it's now directing the rest of my life.

[00:03:48] And Carl Jung, the great psychologist, had a great phrase. He said, until the unconscious is made conscious, it will continue to control your life and you'll call it fate.

[00:03:58] And this is the foundation of the Rise formula. The Rise formula is reveal, interrupt, shift, and empower. So what we have to understand if we want to change our lives in any kind of meaningful way, certainly permanently, is we've got to reveal those patterns, those unconscious belief systems.

[00:04:17] That are driving us until I realized that there's a deep piece of my consciousness and my identity that says, you don't deserve nice things, Cody. And that's, what's actually guiding my reality until that belief is revealed and made conscious. It can't be addressed.

[00:04:32] And exactly as Carl Jung said, it will continue to control your life and you'll call it fate.

[00:04:39] Wow. In your experience, so many people feel that happiness is out of reach. Happiness is big.

[00:04:46] It's almost like men in general are, they care about everyone else's happiness before their own. Like when the plane's going down, they tell you to put your mask on first or else you can't help other people.

[00:04:59] That's right.

[00:05:00] How does that work?

[00:05:01] There's two questions in that. So the first question is, why does happiness feel so far out of reach? It's because we've had so many failed attempts.

[00:05:08] We've tried, we've grasped, we've reached out for it so many ways. Like we thought the relationship would make us happy and maybe it did for a while, but then it faded and we're back to where we were. We thought that the job, the finances, the career would make us happy.

[00:05:21] We felt that when we got the things, the car, the watch, the house, that would make us happy. In our uneducated and unsophisticated approach to happiness, we have the wrong idea of what happiness is.

[00:05:33] Now, the number one reason for unhappiness, the number one reason for depression is unrealistic and unmet expectations.

[00:05:42] If you take any aspect of your life that you're unhappy with, if we trace it back and we're truly honest with ourselves, it's going to come back to an unmet or an unrealistic expectation.

[00:05:52] The reason you were unhappy with your wife when you were married or now or whenever, it's because you had expectations on your wife she didn't meet.

[00:06:00] If you're unhappy with your workplace, it's because they're not meeting expectations that you have about it.

[00:06:04] If you're unhappy with the economy, it's because you have expectations of what it should be that it's not meeting.

[00:06:13] So should you lower your expectations?

[00:06:16] You should make them realistic.

[00:06:18] Okay. All right.

[00:06:20] Lowering them and making them realistic.

[00:06:23] For example, to say, I want to be a millionaire in the next two months.

[00:06:29] Maybe not realistic.

[00:06:32] And if all of your happiness is placed, you're broke right now and say, I want to be a millionaire in the next two months.

[00:06:36] You're going to be unhappy because you're not going to achieve it.

[00:06:38] But if you say, should we lower the expectations of financial independence or being a millionaire or whatever it is?

[00:06:44] Absolutely not.

[00:06:45] That's an admirable goal to have.

[00:06:48] But if you set an unrealistic expectation, you're going to be disappointed.

[00:06:53] You're going to be unhappy about that.

[00:06:55] What are the common mental traps that individuals, particularly men, fall into during the recovery process?

[00:07:03] And what is a mental trap?

[00:07:07] It's errors in ideology.

[00:07:09] It's errors in thinking.

[00:07:12] It's the way that we talk to ourselves.

[00:07:14] One of the most common, for example, just a tiny shift.

[00:07:18] So somebody who's unhappy communicates, I need to get something out of this situation.

[00:07:23] Someone who's happy needs to communicate, I need to get something out of this situation.

[00:07:28] An unhappy person will say, I need to get through this situation.

[00:07:32] When we understand that what the mind seeks, the mind finds.

[00:07:35] If you wake up in the morning and go, I just need to get through this day, the mind goes, okay, that's easy.

[00:07:40] I can get you through this day.

[00:07:43] But if you wake up and you go, I need to get something from this day.

[00:07:45] I've got too few days left.

[00:07:47] I can't be wasting these days anymore.

[00:07:50] I need to get something from this day.

[00:07:51] The mind goes, oh, okay, he needs to get something from this day.

[00:07:56] And you can use that philosophy in any situation.

[00:08:00] Like your situation's happening.

[00:08:01] That's not the variable.

[00:08:05] In a divorce situation, if you have no control over that and your spouse is hell-bent on the divorce, it's happening.

[00:08:11] That's not the variable.

[00:08:13] What the variable is like your attitude and your approach to it.

[00:08:16] Now you can go, I need to get something.

[00:08:18] In light of the fact this situation is happening, I need to get something out of it.

[00:08:22] I need to grow.

[00:08:22] I need to benefit.

[00:08:24] I need to take something out of this that I can turn around.

[00:08:29] That gives you purpose.

[00:08:30] That gives you direction.

[00:08:33] If you go, I've just got to get through this.

[00:08:35] Or why is this happening to me?

[00:08:37] Get through this.

[00:08:40] That's an attitude that's going to cause you a lot of pain.

[00:08:46] So are you saying that the variables weigh in on what type of mental trap it is?

[00:08:52] Or the fact that it is a mental trap?

[00:08:54] The variables can control the mental trap.

[00:08:57] Yeah, look, the mental trap is the idea that you have any control over the situation.

[00:09:02] Okay.

[00:09:03] That's the mental trap, David.

[00:09:04] You have no control over the situation.

[00:09:06] You have complete control over your response to it.

[00:09:10] How to?

[00:09:11] If you decide that you are going to curse the situation and try and use your mental power

[00:09:17] to change the situation outside of yourself, that's delusion.

[00:09:20] The only thing you have control over and the only thing you're responsible for is yourself.

[00:09:24] I tell my kids all the time when they're very young and I teach them how to be successful

[00:09:30] early on and one child will be in trouble and he goes, I said, why did you do that?

[00:09:36] And he goes, my brother made me do it.

[00:09:37] My brother did it.

[00:09:38] And it goes, are you responsible for your brother's behavior or are you responsible for your behavior?

[00:09:44] I'm responsible for my behavior, dad.

[00:09:46] Okay.

[00:09:47] Is your brother going to get punished for your behavior or are you going to get punished for your behavior?

[00:09:52] Yes, I'm going to get punished for my behavior.

[00:09:55] Wow.

[00:09:55] So how can someone recognize these mental traps in their daily life?

[00:10:00] Because I guess they happen all the time.

[00:10:02] They're like constantly going on.

[00:10:03] Yeah.

[00:10:05] Great question, Dave.

[00:10:06] So the answer is we let the obvious be our teacher.

[00:10:09] We let the obvious guide us.

[00:10:11] The root will always produce the same fruit.

[00:10:13] An apple tree will never produce a lemon.

[00:10:15] A lemon tree will never produce an orange.

[00:10:17] And you look at your life.

[00:10:18] Am I happy with this aspect of my life?

[00:10:21] Am I happy with my finances?

[00:10:22] If you're not happy with it, then you're stuck in some mental traps.

[00:10:25] Are you happy with your relationship?

[00:10:28] The answer is no.

[00:10:30] Then you're stuck in some mental traps.

[00:10:33] Your situation will tell us the root of the tree.

[00:10:35] In what ways does your neuroscience-backed approach differ from traditional therapy methods?

[00:10:43] Wow.

[00:10:44] Look.

[00:10:44] And what is neuro-based, your neuro-based approach?

[00:10:49] It's really understanding.

[00:10:50] It's really understanding what drives us.

[00:10:52] It's really more.

[00:10:53] There's two types of people that come into my world.

[00:10:56] Everybody wants to have a better reality.

[00:10:58] Everybody wants to experience a better reality.

[00:10:59] But there's two types of people.

[00:11:01] There are people that want to feel better.

[00:11:02] And there are people that want to get better.

[00:11:06] And they're simply not the same thing.

[00:11:08] If you can feel better by talking about your problem and have somebody validate it,

[00:11:17] you can go to traditional therapy and you can talk for two hours about what's going on in your life

[00:11:26] and why you've been victimized by your spouse or why it's not your fault

[00:11:33] that your life's falling apart.

[00:11:35] And the therapist at the end of it can say, you're absolutely right.

[00:11:37] And I agree with you.

[00:11:38] Your husband is an a-hole or your wife is an a-hole or you are living with a narcissist.

[00:11:43] And you feel better because you feel like you've been heard, validated, understood.

[00:11:46] But the truth is, you haven't improved anything in your life.

[00:11:50] Transformation comes from radically seeking out and implementing new behavior.

[00:11:54] It doesn't come from talking about your problems or exposure to new information.

[00:11:59] And again, the two types.

[00:12:01] If you want to feel better, just talk about your problems and find someone that will listen to you and agree with you.

[00:12:06] If you want to get better, you've got to change.

[00:12:09] You've got to change your attitude.

[00:12:10] You've got to change your psychology.

[00:12:12] You've got to change your behavior.

[00:12:16] I work with a lot of men that are not quite divorced yet.

[00:12:21] And they go, what do I need to say to my wife?

[00:12:24] And it's, no, you don't understand.

[00:12:25] You can't talk your way out of a behaving problem.

[00:12:27] You've behaved your way into this problem.

[00:12:30] You can't talk your way out of a problem you've behaved your way into.

[00:12:33] You can only behave your way out of the problem.

[00:12:35] She doesn't want to hear you talk about these things.

[00:12:38] She wants to see change.

[00:12:40] And that's the same in every aspect of your life.

[00:12:43] You can't, your life is a behavioral problem, not a talking problem.

[00:12:48] Can you elaborate on the shift component of the RISE formula?

[00:12:52] What does it entail?

[00:12:53] So we've got to change our philosophy.

[00:12:55] It's our philosophy that's guiding our life.

[00:12:59] So there's some, we took the example we used earlier on, David.

[00:13:03] So do you want, most people would just go, I've just got to get through this.

[00:13:07] The shift is going, I've got to get through this.

[00:13:09] The shift is to, I've got to get something from this.

[00:13:13] I've got to get something from that.

[00:13:15] You've got to shift there.

[00:13:17] Another example is there's only two ways you can face the day.

[00:13:20] Unless you're going to do something stupid, which I don't advocate, you're going to have

[00:13:22] to face tomorrow.

[00:13:24] It's coming.

[00:13:26] You've got two choices.

[00:13:28] You can face it with apprehension or you can face it with anticipation.

[00:13:33] You can let apprehension drag you out of bed full of anxiety and fear or you can let anticipation

[00:13:41] drive you forward with passion and purpose.

[00:13:44] And most people, they never make that differentiation.

[00:13:47] They never decide.

[00:13:48] They just accept that they're going to face the day with apprehension.

[00:13:52] But you don't have to.

[00:13:53] You can face the day with anticipation.

[00:13:57] And you make that shift.

[00:13:58] You go, I'm not going, I'm no longer going to accept facing the day with apprehension.

[00:14:02] I'm going to anticipate greatness.

[00:14:04] I'm going to anticipate good things.

[00:14:06] I'm no longer going to accept.

[00:14:09] I just need to get through this.

[00:14:10] I have to get something from it.

[00:14:13] It's almost like speaking it into existence.

[00:14:17] Exactly.

[00:14:17] You've got to set the direction for your life.

[00:14:22] You've got to shift from being passive.

[00:14:24] Like people go, I'm in a toxic relationship.

[00:14:26] All right.

[00:14:26] Maybe you are.

[00:14:27] Maybe you're not.

[00:14:27] What are you doing about it?

[00:14:28] Are you going to shift your behavior?

[00:14:30] Like, A, you've got to ask, what was it about you that attracted a toxic person?

[00:14:35] Secondly, you've got to ask yourself, what is it about me that accepted that in my life?

[00:14:42] And now what is it about me that's all I want to do is complain about it instead of take action and do something different.

[00:14:49] That's a complete shift.

[00:14:50] That's coming back to yourself and saying, okay, yeah, maybe this person is toxic.

[00:14:54] That's their prerogative.

[00:14:55] If they want to be toxic, they can't.

[00:14:57] Right?

[00:14:58] But here's the thing.

[00:14:59] Can you raise your standards?

[00:15:01] Can you change?

[00:15:02] Can you raise what's acceptable for you in your life?

[00:15:04] Can you raise what you're going to tolerate?

[00:15:06] Can you lift the bar in your life?

[00:15:09] Now, you can do either one.

[00:15:11] You can complain about this toxic person or you can raise your own standards.

[00:15:16] And the truth of the matter is, if you were the toxic person, now we've got to go back to the reveal.

[00:15:20] What would you have to believe to stay with a toxic person?

[00:15:23] What would you have to believe?

[00:15:26] You'd have to believe that's the best you can do.

[00:15:28] You'd have to believe that you're going to be miserable if you leave them.

[00:15:30] You'd have to believe that's all you deserve.

[00:15:33] Any of those beliefs toxic possibly in your own life?

[00:15:38] Interesting.

[00:15:39] You just gave me the title.

[00:15:41] Pretty cool.

[00:15:42] Raise the bar.

[00:15:43] How important is community and support in the process of healing from divorce?

[00:15:51] Oh, look, life's a team sport, David.

[00:15:55] It's a team sport with team players.

[00:15:56] Look, there was a study that you may have heard of.

[00:15:58] It was called the Change or Die Study.

[00:16:01] And it was pretty much like it says on the label, right?

[00:16:03] You change your lifestyle or you die.

[00:16:05] You make these changes or you die.

[00:16:06] And they created two cohorts.

[00:16:08] Are you familiar with the study?

[00:16:11] No.

[00:16:11] They created two cohorts.

[00:16:14] Both cohort was given the correct information to make the change.

[00:16:17] They were given accurate information to make the change.

[00:16:20] The first cohort were given accountability and support to help them through the changes.

[00:16:24] The second cohort were just given the information.

[00:16:27] Now, you think they would be motivated, right?

[00:16:29] You do this or you die.

[00:16:32] Of the group, of the cohort that were given information but no support, 7% made the change successfully.

[00:16:41] So 93% chose death over making a change.

[00:16:45] Of the cohort, of the group, what do you think?

[00:16:50] I'll just throw it out there.

[00:16:50] What do you think the group that were given the support and the information, what do you think their success rate was?

[00:16:55] 85.

[00:16:57] Close.

[00:16:58] 77%.

[00:16:58] 77%.

[00:16:59] Yep.

[00:17:00] Like I'm not good at math, but that's something like 1100% increase.

[00:17:05] So simply by submitting yourself to accountability.

[00:17:09] And again, this is one of the shifts, right?

[00:17:11] This is one of the philosophies that we've got to make.

[00:17:13] When we go through trauma, which we all go through, one of the tendencies, again, this is part of the neuroscience of it.

[00:17:20] What we do when we experience a traumatic event is the brain goes, protect him or protect her, make sure that doesn't happen again.

[00:17:26] So what do we do?

[00:17:27] We isolate.

[00:17:27] Do we isolate?

[00:17:29] The brain is not designed to keep you healthy.

[00:17:32] It's designed to keep you alive.

[00:17:35] Your mind in its unsophisticated state without education is not concerned with your mental health.

[00:17:42] It's concerned with your heartbeat.

[00:17:42] It's concerned with your heartbeat.

[00:17:46] It's concerned with sexual reproduction.

[00:17:49] It's concerned with food.

[00:17:50] And that's about it, really.

[00:17:53] Survival.

[00:17:54] Survival.

[00:17:55] So when we experience those traumas, when we go through a relationship trauma, what do we tend to do?

[00:18:01] Isolate.

[00:18:02] When we're damaged at school because we're not picked for the team or when we're damaged at the party when we're seven years old because we're not invited to the party or we're left in the corner or we're teased.

[00:18:11] What do we do?

[00:18:12] We have a tendency to isolate.

[00:18:13] The mind goes, survival.

[00:18:16] Your best survival strategy is to isolate.

[00:18:19] And that's what you end up saying stuff like, if you want something done, do it yourself.

[00:18:23] If you want it done right, do it yourself.

[00:18:24] Or I'm the only one I can trust.

[00:18:26] Firmly put yourself in that 7%.

[00:18:30] You've put yourself in the group.

[00:18:32] You've isolated yourself from the support that it is that's going to make you succeed.

[00:18:37] Simply by subjecting yourself to accountability, you have an 1100% greater chance of success.

[00:18:45] And again, this is the shift.

[00:18:46] You've got to shift from isolation is safe to isolation is dangerous.

[00:18:51] I'm a community animal.

[00:18:53] I'm a community.

[00:18:54] I have a community spirit, a community soul.

[00:18:56] That's where the safety lies.

[00:18:57] It's a team sport.

[00:19:01] Team sport.

[00:19:01] Let's talk about self-compassion.

[00:19:03] Not enough men practice that.

[00:19:07] What role does self-compassion play in overcoming anxiety and emotional pain?

[00:19:15] It's everything, David, because when we understand that happiness is found in the progressive realization of a worthy ideal,

[00:19:25] or let's put it in a simple term, happiness is found when you start moving in your position.

[00:19:29] It's a purpose.

[00:19:31] Now, if you don't, it's through a lack of self-compassion.

[00:19:35] You self-deprecate yourself.

[00:19:36] You talk down to yourself.

[00:19:37] You refuse to acknowledge your value.

[00:19:40] You refuse to acknowledge.

[00:19:41] You refuse to acknowledge your value.

[00:19:43] You refuse to acknowledge your value.

[00:19:43] There's something about it.

[00:19:44] It's almost, there's almost humility in talking down the value that you have to bring to the world.

[00:19:51] But here's the thing, right?

[00:19:52] That's where your purpose is found.

[00:19:55] The value that you have to bring, when you bring that to bear in the world, that's when you start to move in your purpose.

[00:20:03] And that's when you start, that's when you, all of these things that you don't want, anxiety, stress, depression, start to move, just fall away from you.

[00:20:10] But look, here's the thing, right?

[00:20:12] You obviously believe that you have something to bring to the world with this podcast or you wouldn't do it.

[00:20:16] If you had a belief system that was an imposter syndrome or a lack of self-worth, a lack of self-belief, just a lack of confidence, you wouldn't do this.

[00:20:28] You wouldn't do it.

[00:20:30] And as a result, the people that you're helping wouldn't be helped and you'd be moving further and further away.

[00:20:37] How many of these interviews do you do, David, where you get off and you feel great?

[00:20:41] Every single one except for one.

[00:20:45] Why not a 70?

[00:20:46] Yeah.

[00:20:47] And it's because you're moving in your purpose.

[00:20:49] You're moving in a direction that excites you, that you're passionate about.

[00:20:52] And not only that, you're exciting yourself and you're stimulating your own passion, but you're also bringing value simultaneously.

[00:21:01] And you're creating and moving in purpose.

[00:21:04] And we had a brief chat before we started this recording, and it's just for what I could understand from what you're saying.

[00:21:09] As you move more and more into your purpose, as you move forward, it's more and more about bringing more value to your audience, bringing more value to the world and interacting with people that allows you to bring more value to them.

[00:21:20] That's where your purpose lies.

[00:21:22] And that's where your ultimate happiness lies.

[00:21:24] But hey, look, if you can't do that because you have no confidence or you look in the mirror and go, you've got nothing to bring, David.

[00:21:31] Why are you even bothering trying?

[00:21:35] Everybody has something to bring.

[00:21:37] One of the questions I get asked all the time is, how do I find my purpose code?

[00:21:41] The answer is, out of your mess comes your message.

[00:21:43] Out of your pain comes your purpose.

[00:21:46] What problem have you experienced that you've overcome?

[00:21:49] That's your purpose.

[00:21:51] Let's talk about that.

[00:21:52] Can you discuss the connection between trauma and purpose?

[00:21:55] Because it seems like there's a connection.

[00:21:57] One creates the other.

[00:21:59] And then how can struggles lead to fulfillment?

[00:22:03] And what's the difference between fulfillment and happiness?

[00:22:06] Or is it the same?

[00:22:07] Yeah, some great questions there.

[00:22:10] So, the only way you can add value to the world is to help people overcome challenges and overcome trauma themselves.

[00:22:21] So, if you were a raging alcoholic and you've beat alcohol, how much value do you have to add to the world at this point?

[00:22:30] Particularly if you know the path out of that alcoholism.

[00:22:34] You have massive value to add to the world.

[00:22:37] But here's the thing.

[00:22:38] Is that alcoholic community, are they going to listen to somebody who's never had a single drink in their life?

[00:22:42] Or are they just going to go, what do you know about my life?

[00:22:46] In order to have purpose and move in purpose, you have to have influence.

[00:22:52] And the influence comes from that's just like me.

[00:22:58] That's exactly what I'm going through.

[00:23:00] That's exactly what I'm experiencing right now.

[00:23:04] That's where influence comes from.

[00:23:07] And that's your tribe.

[00:23:08] That's your group.

[00:23:09] That's the people that you're here to help.

[00:23:11] When I suffer debilitating anxiety at one point.

[00:23:16] Overwhelming depression at one point.

[00:23:18] And here I am.

[00:23:19] I've got a book called Cut the BS and No Nonsense Guide to Happiness.

[00:23:23] It's because I realized that book, which is my purpose, came out of me solving my own problem of anxiety, stress, and depression.

[00:23:32] Once I'd solved that problem, I was like, wow, there are so many people in that hole.

[00:23:36] There are so many people dealing in that trap that they don't know how to get out of it.

[00:23:41] But it's not that hard to get out of once you know.

[00:23:45] It's not that hard to get out of it.

[00:23:47] It's like when I tell that story of, look, I didn't get out of bed for a week.

[00:23:52] I vomited every morning was the first thing I did.

[00:23:55] I was in a dark place.

[00:23:56] I was in a very unhappy place.

[00:23:58] And it didn't matter what I did.

[00:23:59] I always reset back to that.

[00:24:01] A lot of people are going to go, that's me.

[00:24:04] That's where I'm at right now.

[00:24:06] And then they lean in just a little bit.

[00:24:09] And then that's when you can start the conversation.

[00:24:12] And that's now, I need you as much as you need me.

[00:24:15] And vice versa, without you, I have no purpose.

[00:24:19] And without me, you've stopped.

[00:24:20] And without that trauma, without that pain, you have no story.

[00:24:25] You have nothing relatable.

[00:24:28] If you start out, if your dad's a billionaire, and you start out a billionaire, and you start

[00:24:34] a program, hey, how to go from poverty to riches, who's going to listen to you?

[00:24:40] If you start out in poverty, and you go become a billionaire, and say, hey, who's interested

[00:24:45] in my journey from zero to billions?

[00:24:48] Everyone's going to lean in.

[00:24:50] What are some of the daily practices that you can do to combat daily anxiety and stress?

[00:24:58] What are some of the small things you can do every day?

[00:25:01] So some super easy ones are how you introduce yourself to people.

[00:25:07] So I'll give you an example.

[00:25:08] So when people go, hey, how's it going, Cody?

[00:25:10] I say, I'm somewhere between sensational and spectacular.

[00:25:13] I can't decide.

[00:25:17] And they go, why is that, Cody?

[00:25:20] And I say, my belly's full of food.

[00:25:22] My bank account's full of money.

[00:25:23] My wife loves me.

[00:25:24] My kids are talking to me.

[00:25:25] I live in a free country.

[00:25:26] I've got freedom of speech.

[00:25:27] I've got freedom of economic opportunity.

[00:25:29] I've got freedom of movement.

[00:25:31] I've got freedom of religion.

[00:25:32] I've got my health.

[00:25:33] I've got the hope of a future.

[00:25:35] I've got every economic, social, and spiritual wind in the history blowing in my direction

[00:25:42] right now.

[00:25:43] What's not to be spectacular?

[00:25:46] And I get asked 10 times a day, how's it going?

[00:25:49] How are you doing, Cody?

[00:25:49] And that response, I'm doing somewhere between sensational and spectacular, allows me to tell

[00:25:54] myself and remind myself every day.

[00:25:56] My wife loves me.

[00:25:57] My kids, I have a great relationship with my kids.

[00:25:59] I live in economic, religious, political, social freedom.

[00:26:02] I have the hope of a future.

[00:26:08] And how many times are we telling ourselves that or how many times are we acknowledging

[00:26:11] that on a daily basis, weekly basis, or ever in our lives?

[00:26:17] The truth of the matter is my entire body, David, can be healthy.

[00:26:21] Let's use a tooth for an example because you're a dentist.

[00:26:24] My entire body can be healthy, but if I've got a toothache, my entire consciousness and

[00:26:28] focus goes to the one tiny tooth that's the problem.

[00:26:31] No doubt.

[00:26:32] And I feel utter misery and I feel 100% pain, 100% misery, 100% defeated.

[00:26:37] 100% of my focus is on the negative.

[00:26:39] But the truth is maybe an eighth of 1% or half of 1% of my body is actually in pain.

[00:26:45] The other 99.7% is healthy and functioning normally.

[00:26:51] But my consciousness has gone to what's wrong.

[00:26:53] And that's where we're at in our day-to-day lives.

[00:26:58] 99.7% of your life, David, or whoever, if you're listening to this right, 99.7% of your

[00:27:04] life is functioning exactly as it should.

[00:27:07] But if you took the time to stop and look at it and notice, you would see that.

[00:27:13] But our consciousness is drawn to the tiny little thing and it's okay, I'm having this

[00:27:19] little issue at work right now.

[00:27:21] And it's okay, so you're going to negate your entire life of blessedness to focus on this

[00:27:26] one problem.

[00:27:27] I'm having this little issue with my wife.

[00:27:30] Okay, we've all got problems with our wives.

[00:27:31] If you're married, you've got problems.

[00:27:33] Nothing new about that.

[00:27:36] And again, it's the shift, right?

[00:27:37] This is where we have to shift.

[00:27:39] We have to shift from our focus going on what's wrong to our focus going on what's right.

[00:27:44] And you can find gratitude in anything.

[00:27:48] I talk to people.

[00:27:49] One of the things I teach when I work with people is the attitude of gratitude.

[00:27:53] And you can find gratitude in any situation and people go, oh, my wife's raped Cody.

[00:27:58] I'm supposed to be grateful for that.

[00:27:59] No, we call that stupidity.

[00:28:01] But here's what you can say.

[00:28:02] I'm grateful they didn't kill her.

[00:28:04] Is that true?

[00:28:07] You can focus on what you can't change or you can say, I'm just grateful he didn't kill

[00:28:11] her.

[00:28:12] Or you go, my house was ransacked and they destroyed a bunch of irreplaceable heirlooms

[00:28:18] and photographs and keepsakes.

[00:28:21] It's horrible.

[00:28:23] Yeah, I'm supposed to be grateful for that, am I, Cody?

[00:28:25] No, that's stupidity.

[00:28:27] You don't be grateful for that.

[00:28:28] But what you can say is just grateful my kids want her and what it happens.

[00:28:33] What are you going to focus on?

[00:28:34] That's your point.

[00:28:38] The negative is always there.

[00:28:40] It's always the good.

[00:28:41] Folks, we have another guy that knocked it out of the park tonight.

[00:28:46] Great job, Cody.

[00:28:48] Let the guys know where to find you and get your book.

[00:28:51] And I'm going to have the contact information, the show notes.

[00:28:54] So tell them where you are.

[00:28:57] Grab a copy of this.

[00:29:00] Can I just say something super quick about that?

[00:29:02] Yeah, go ahead.

[00:29:03] Yeah.

[00:29:04] So I wrote that book in 2007.

[00:29:08] It became a bestseller in 2017 because it sat on my hard drive for 10 years because I

[00:29:13] didn't think it was good.

[00:29:16] Because I didn't think I was good until finally someone came along and said, you should write

[00:29:21] a book, Cody.

[00:29:22] And I said, actually, I've got one.

[00:29:23] And he's like, let me have a look at it.

[00:29:24] And he said, that's brilliant.

[00:29:26] That book sat on my hard drive for 10 years because I didn't believe I was good enough.

[00:29:32] And I didn't believe I had a message to share with the world.

[00:29:34] Don't let your music stay inside of you.

[00:29:37] Don't let your story stay inside of you.

[00:29:42] Do it now.

[00:29:43] That's just the thing.

[00:29:45] You've got more value than you think you want.

[00:29:47] Wow.

[00:29:49] So where to find you?

[00:29:49] Where to find you?

[00:29:50] CodyBullett.com is a good place.

[00:29:53] Unlock Extraordinary on YouTube.

[00:29:56] That's a great place.

[00:29:57] If you want daily motivation and tips and just to pick me up, unlock Extraordinary on YouTube.

[00:30:06] All right.

[00:30:07] We're definitely going to do a part two because I got some more questions.

[00:30:10] We just hit the tip of the iceberg here.

[00:30:12] But we appreciate Cody taking the time coming in from Australia.

[00:30:16] Hold on the line.

[00:30:18] I'll clock out and we'll continue the conversation.

[00:30:21] Thank you very much, Cody, for spending time with us.

[00:30:24] I appreciate it.