🔑 Don’t Make These Mistakes: Divorced Dads, Take Charge of Your Child’s Education! || DPTSP#145 || Dr. Emily Levy

[00:00:00] Welcome to another episode of DON'T PICK THE SCAB PODCAST, where we help men over 40 navigate the challenges and opportunities that come with life after divorce. Today, I am thrilled to have Emily Levy as our guest. Dr. Levy is a trailblazer in the world of education and a passionate advocate for empowering students with diverse learning needs. As a founder of and director of EBL Coaching, she has pioneered individualized research-based tutoring programs that help students excel in areas like

[00:00:29] reading comprehension, executive functioning, and math. She's also the mastermind behind several acclaimed workbook series, including strategies for study success and flags and stars, multi-sensory math, which are used in schools nationwide. With a doctorate in education and awards for her groundbreaking research, Dr. Levy brings a wealth of knowledge to the table. Welcome to the show, Dr. Levy, and we'll get started, but tell a little bit about yourself.

[00:01:00] Thank you so much for having me today and for that wonderful introduction. I'm really happy to be here today. To give you a little bit of background and tell you about myself, a day back, I grew up in the field of special education. My mother was the founder of a school for students with learning disabilities down in South Florida, which is where I grew up. So I really spent a lot of my childhood working with children, teachers, and seeing what an incredible difference it could make to have the right services and support in place for struggling learners.

[00:01:28] However, I thought I wanted to carve my own path at the time and do something totally different. Went to Brown University for my undergraduate degree and then worked on Wall Street, actually, did finance for a few years. I quickly realized it wasn't for me, although I learned a lot from the experience that I carry with me today. I ended up pivoting back and getting my master's degree in special education, as you mentioned, my doctorate degree in general education.

[00:01:53] I personally started working myself one-on-one with neurodiverse students, helping them build their academic skills, and eventually formed what is now EBL Coaching, where we have a wonderful team of learning specialists who specialize in providing research-based, multi-sensory, one-on-one instruction to students nationwide and actually worldwide now.

[00:02:15] That's pretty cool. How do you see ADHD and learning disabilities impacting children during transitional phases, such as their parents' divorce? I think it can play a large role in many ways. I think that students typically who have ADHD or have a learning disability, they often have low self-confidence. There's often a lot of anxiety and depression sometimes because there is so much negativity in their lives and they're struggling already in school.

[00:02:44] So sometimes those symptoms can become even more pronounced when there's something else going on in their lives, like a divorce, for example. So how do you think divorced parents can work together to support a child with learning disabilities or challenges like ADHD? I think a few things. One is I think as much consistency as there can be between the homes, the better.

[00:03:06] So sometimes they see situations where there is no structure whatsoever in one home and then there's a lot of structure in the other home and it's confusing for kids as to what's the right way to study and how do I get my work done and where do I go? So having consistency is really helpful. And really just always being positive, always empowering your child if you notice any progress. If you say, you know what, a month ago you could only write a sentence and now you're writing a paragraph, you should feel so proud of yourself for the progress that you've been making.

[00:03:35] So really just continuing to empower them and to give them that real positive feedback. So what kind of advice would you give to fathers who want to stay engaged in their child's education but struggle with limited custody or co-parenting conflicts? Because a lot of the men have conflict co-parenting struggles. So how do you get on top of that and try? Because sometimes you can only do what you can do with at your house because you can't control the other house. So something like that.

[00:04:04] How would a dad do that? I think it's always helpful to stay in touch with teachers at school if possible. I know that depending on the custody arrangement that may or may not be possible. If it's not, then I think really trying to stay on top of and take a look at the work that they bring home. Take a look at their homework. Observe them working on it. See if you notice any challenges.

[00:04:27] If they bring home quizzes, tests, try to review them and see if they didn't do well, what went wrong, what can we do better next time? Always stay positive with them, even if they're not doing well in school, which again can be impacted through a situation like a divorce. Always empower them. Always remind them that even if they're struggling now, they have the ability to do better and they can continue to improve their skills as long as they continue to put the effort and the work in.

[00:04:54] Yeah. So telling our guys out there, why is it so important to be an advocate for your child's needs instead of using the school as a babysitting service? Some guys have never stepped up to the plate with the kids because it's always been the mom's job. So how can these guys transition into that? Sure. I believe that a parent, whether it's a father or mother, will always be their child's best advocate.

[00:05:18] So I think sometimes, especially when there's students who struggle in school, maybe they have an IEP or a 504 plan, parents will sometimes assume that the school is taking care of it, that the school is giving them the right support and the right services. But that's unfortunately often not the case.

[00:05:33] It's really important that the parent, again, whether it's a father or the mother, on top of making sure that their child is receiving the services and the support that they should be getting in school, also try to maintain a positive relationship with the school. I think sometimes there's so much negativity and hatred and disappointment that schools feel that too. So I think really having a strong, positive relationship with teachers and schools are important as well.

[00:05:58] What about engaging with external sources like tutoring services or things like that? Sure. If a child is struggling in any skill, reading, writing, math, study skills, in my opinion, don't wait. Take action because these skills only become that much more challenging as kids struggle through school. Sometimes I've seen situations where parents may not agree on whether a child needs tutoring or finding the right tutor.

[00:06:25] But ultimately, that ends up hurting the child when the parents are fighting and the child is not getting the support that they need or it's delayed. So at the end of the day, prioritize your child and really try to make the effort to get them the right support, to agree on the right support so that they don't continue to struggle in school. So what are some of the warning signs that your child is struggling? There can be a lot of different types of warning signs depending on the skill.

[00:06:53] So with reading, for example, when kids are young, if they're struggling pre-K, kindergarten, struggling to learn the names of the letters, their corresponding sounds, struggling to identify numbers, to write letters. These are some early signs that could be a challenge, could be developmental. But as they progress through school, if they're really struggling to sound out words accurately, they're struggling to spell words accurately, struggling to read with fluency or to comprehend with their reading.

[00:07:22] These are all signs that could indicate an underlying challenge. In terms of ADHD, if they're disorganized, they're always late, they're always losing their belongings. They forget to do their homework or they do their homework or forget to turn it in. Those could be signs of ADHD. If parents are noticing any of these challenges, I always say start by talking to their teacher and see if the teacher's noticing any of these struggles at school as well.

[00:07:48] If so, it probably makes sense to have an evaluation done to see if, in fact, something deeper is going on so that you can then seek the right support and services for your child. What are some of the strategies for helping children build resilience in the face of significant family changes, especially at school or with learning? I think it's a tricky one. I think really working as a team, I think really engaging the teacher and letting the teacher know what's going on.

[00:08:14] I know it can be private information, but I think sometimes when a child is struggling in school, the teacher might not know why. They might just think that they're struggling with reading or struggling with math or focus, but maybe it's what's going on at home that's affecting their performance at school as well. So I think really working as a team, if there's a therapist, integrating the therapist and just really trying as much as possible to work as a team and really do what's best for the child.

[00:08:41] Explain executive functioning play in helping children stay organized during times of family transition. Well, executive functioning skills involve skills like planning, organization, time management, task initiation. Many students, especially those who have ADHD, struggle with these types of skills. And these skills often become even more pronounced in upper elementary school into middle school and beyond when there's a lot of work to manage.

[00:09:10] The volume of work increases. So these are skills that are really important to success at school. And if children are struggling with them, it can negatively impact their performance at school. So the right strategies are really key to build these skills. What do you think some of the specific ways that a father can impart to their child? Hey, learning is love, fussing a learning, love of learning process with their kids, you know, make it positive.

[00:09:37] Yeah, I think first off, always leading by example is always helpful when kids see their parents reading, whether it's the newspaper or a book or writing or really engaging in academic material. I think that's always kind of a helpful sort of role model to have. But I think also try to make learning fun. You can go to cool museums and see interesting art or interesting science experiments happening. Maybe bring it to life.

[00:10:02] You can even do a gardening project where you learn about science through gardening or cooking and have your child measure out the ingredients and talk about what would happen if we doubled this recipe or we cut it in half. How much oil, how much flour would we need? So really making learning fun and showing kids the value of building these skills can help them not just in school but really in life. What do you think about this? This is an off question. This is one that's popped in my head. So there's a lot of school systems here in the Coral Springs, Cesar 7.

[00:10:32] Some are all year round, some are not all year round. What's the positive and negative to an all year round school or traditional summers off? Things like that. What's the give and go there? I think that when kids struggle academically, if they have a diagnosed learning disability, ADHD, autism, personally, I believe they need year round instruction. With breaks built in, of course, with breaks from school.

[00:10:58] But for those kids, taking three months off can be detrimental. We see so much time. Emily, it was back in the day. The flip side is that not every child needs school year round. I think there is something about just relaxing, being a kid, riding a bike, going swimming that all kids really need and enjoy and those social skills that come along with it. So I think it depends on the child. I don't think there's a single answer to that one. But I think there's pros and cons to both.

[00:11:28] How do you think fathers can balance between being a supportive parent in education while giving their children space to process their emotions? I think that's a tricky one. I think that kids need to build independence and they do need to learn to process emotions and work independently on their own. But I think for some kids that that's very challenging. So I think initially showing a lot of compassion, holding their hand, walking them through whatever is going on in their lives, school issues, emotional issues.

[00:11:57] But then slowly starting to peel back and really letting them work through what's going on on their own, but checking in with them periodically to see how they're doing. What kind of advice would you give fathers who feel overwhelmed by their child's learning needs? They have the co-parenting, they have the divorce, and it's almost like the child's needs gets kicked to the curb a little bit because they're dealing with all this. How can they bring that to the forefront and try to get a handle on that?

[00:12:26] I think really looking at the law to be a long game and knowing that as parents, we ultimately, at the end of the day, we want our kids to be independent, successful adults in the world. And it's our job as parents now to help them through school so that they can get to that point. So sometimes it feels like you're lost in a tunnel. They're never going to get through it, but they will. Every child will. They just need the support in order to get there, whether it's in school, out of school.

[00:12:52] But I think just seeing the goal at the end of this journey is that we want our kids to be successful, independent, good citizens. So I think really just knowing that they will get through it, but they need your help along the way is something to keep in mind. What are some of the best ways for fathers to communicate with teachers? Email, text, facts. What do you think? I think that in the beginning of the school year, it's always a good idea to reach out to the teacher and set up a meeting,

[00:13:19] whether it's in-person, Zoom, phone call, whatever really works best for the teacher and say, I want to tell you about my child. This is who they are. This is what's worked for them in the past. This is what hasn't worked for them. Tell them about their child and then talk to the teacher and other service providers if they exist about the best way that they like to communicate. Some prefer email check-ins. Some prefer scheduling phone calls on a monthly basis or in-person meetings.

[00:13:45] I think really working with what's best for the teacher in the school instead of trying to force what works best for you, because that may just create tension and may not be the best avenue for everyone. And are there any specific techniques you recommend for helping children with test-taking anxiety or other school-related stress? I think, again, if there's something deeper going on, if there's a real anxiety issue, then you really should work with the school, the teacher.

[00:14:13] They may benefit from accommodations, whether it's extended time or taking a test in another room. So I think it depends on the severity of it. But I do think when kids feel prepared and a parent is supportive and reminds them that if they're putting the effort in, they see them studying, it's okay if they don't get an A-plus on every test. It's okay. It's all part of the journey. And really not making them feel like they need to excel in everything that they do,

[00:14:41] because I think that creates a lot of pressure for kids, which leads to anxiety, depression, and a lot of other mental health challenges. How do you see the role in education? This is interesting. How do you see the role of education evolving in helping kids cope with family transitions like divorce in the future, the future of education? What do you think? Or what would help? I think that engaging others, engaging therapists, engaging teachers, working as a team,

[00:15:09] I think really still having that human connection is really helpful. I know that there's a lot of AI talk about schools, and teachers will probably have access to other tools that they can use. With AI to help kids and to diversify the way that they teach. But I do think having that human connection is still going to be key for kids. Wow. Man, you've knocked out of the park, man. I had questions. You just banged. That's awesome. This. Thank you.

[00:15:37] How can fathers out there find you on the internet? The best place is our website, which is eblcoaching.com. There's lots of parenting articles that I've written, education article, different podcasts I've been on, lots of resources for parents. And of course, they can learn about our one-on-one tutoring program, which again, we do nationwide, worldwide now. And then we also have candles on pretty much every social media channel, on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, TikTok,

[00:16:05] pretty much all of them under EBL coaching. So when you've seen a divorce with academics, is it, do you think it's harder when the kids are younger, or harder when they're older, like high school or junior high? I think it's very much individualized to each student. I think for younger kids, they may not necessarily know how to process the emotions, and so much is changing in their lives academically and with school. So that can be challenging.

[00:16:34] But then I think teenagers have their own set of issues that they're dealing with also. So I think it really just depends on the child. I don't think there's a single answer to that one. And then lastly, how can you stress parents to, to, what I did was, okay. What I did was to get through my co-parenting issue was I had to tell myself, I love my kids more than I hated my ex. How can you help parents or tell parents how important it is to get on the same page with them

[00:17:03] when you're raising your kids academically and emotionally? I think that when you're not on the same page, when raising your kid through divorce, it can be just detrimental to kids academically, socially, emotionally. And I've seen it. I've seen it happen a lot where the kid has so much potential. The parents are always fighting. They can't figure out the right support. They can't agree on a tutor. And unfortunately, the child just slips further and further behind.

[00:17:30] So know that can happen if you don't prioritize your child. And working together as a team for the purpose of your child, even if you hate each other, your child needs to come first and they really need to get the right support in place if they need it. Very important words, Emily. So, hey, I appreciate your time. Let's go ahead and close this out. Anything you want to say? Any parting words? I really enjoyed our conversation. And thank you for having me today. All right. Hold on to the phone. Don't go anywhere.

[00:18:00] And we'll close it out.