Be angry, but get on with your life - Simon Yeats || DPTSP #052 || David M. Webb

[00:00:00] Welcome everybody out there to Don't Pick The Scab Podcast, episode 52, a podcast for men over 40, either starting in the middle of divorce or one and done or at the end.

[00:00:10] We present some of the tips, tricks and methods for you to heal and move on with your life.

[00:00:15] We have special guests on here all the time who have gone through things and we've got a doozy for you today.

[00:00:21] We've got Simon Yeats and welcome to the show, Simon Yeats.

[00:00:25] Simon has quite storied life up to this point, traveled water rafting in Nepal, setting fire to California mountain range, got mugged in Brazil, bungee jumped in South Africa.

[00:00:36] Man, you've been around with a broken leg, hanging with the European mafia.

[00:00:41] He's rehabbed paralyzed patients and brain dead patients, mental health issues with his son kidnapped in South America.

[00:00:47] This guy has faced some hardship in his life and lived the tale of the tale.

[00:00:51] And he's here today to let you know how you can recover or still stay alive while you're going through shit.

[00:01:12] Welcome to the Don't Pick The Scab Podcast with the premise of connecting men over 40 with the tools and community to thrive in their divorce recovery, either before, during or after a divorce.

[00:01:26] Maybe recover from your divorce hardships and go from there.

[00:01:29] So go ahead, Simon, tell us a little bit about you.

[00:01:32] But after you tell us, I want to start the three sides assignment.

[00:01:37] I think that is awesome.

[00:01:38] That was a fantastic introduction.

[00:01:41] Mind you, I think I wrote it, didn't I?

[00:01:43] On my English.

[00:01:44] It's probably the best bit of writing I've done, seeing as I also have a side gig as an author as well.

[00:01:48] But yeah, I'm originally from Australia.

[00:01:50] I live in the States 33 years.

[00:01:53] I have been married and divorced twice.

[00:01:57] And I have another story that I didn't even mention about reconnecting with the woman who I thought was the love of my life 27 years after we dated for a week in Los Angeles.

[00:02:08] And then she went to Belgium, married another guy.

[00:02:11] Then we reconnected 27 years completely by accident.

[00:02:14] She contacted a friend of mine.

[00:02:15] He got me in contact.

[00:02:16] Thought this was, wow, it's all happened.

[00:02:19] And there's a story even with that for your listeners.

[00:02:23] And now I am in another relationship that is, thankfully, the best fucking thing that's ever happened to me.

[00:02:30] And as you listen, it'll soon turn out.

[00:02:33] I'm still in a world of pain.

[00:02:34] But I'm at least in the best place that I've been in for the last 14 years.

[00:02:39] Wow.

[00:02:39] Let's talk about the three sides assignment.

[00:02:42] Let's break down that first because I think that's awesome.

[00:02:44] And I think we all have three sides, the funny side, the serious side and the dark side.

[00:02:50] So can you explain those a little bit?

[00:02:52] Let's go to the dark side first.

[00:02:54] I think it was probably 13 years ago on a night after I'd been at work and a 25-year-old kid died in my arms.

[00:03:04] And then from a mistake of another person who worked at my hospital, but it's a mistake that I can't prove or do anything about.

[00:03:13] But in my heart, I know it was just negligence and lack of effort and lack of care for this guy that resulted in him dying 24 hours later.

[00:03:22] When I went to see him and get him out of bed and walk in.

[00:03:25] And then I had to front up to the dad and just explain what happened without being able to tell him the truth.

[00:03:33] To say, mate, this person basically fucked up yesterday and that's why your kid is now dead.

[00:03:40] Wow.

[00:03:41] And I went home.

[00:03:43] I was fucking miserable.

[00:03:43] I wanted to jump off my balcony in my 20-story apartment in Miami at the time.

[00:03:50] And I sat down and started writing a suicide note.

[00:03:55] And I just kept writing all night.

[00:03:58] And at some point, I was like going, maybe I could write a story or something about my life to say to people, hey, it wasn't all this bad as it is right now while I'm in this spot.

[00:04:07] So I wrote a funny story about one of my travels.

[00:04:10] And then I fell asleep, probably called into bed, just rolled over from my desk into my bed, woke up in the morning, started writing some more.

[00:04:16] And my writing became my therapy.

[00:04:18] And so I wrote, finally got out the first book and I've rewritten it several times.

[00:04:23] I've rewritten it again and it's now published on Amazon.

[00:04:26] But after I wrote that, again, I got so depressed rehashing the story of my first divorce and marriage and what happened with the abduction of my kid that I had to, literally, I was probably on the verge of getting depressed again.

[00:04:37] And so I started writing some other books that are funny books about my travels.

[00:04:41] The whitewater rafting trip in Nepal, where I got diarrhea and thought I was going to die out in the wilderness.

[00:04:46] The running into the mafia in Germany on my 30th birthday.

[00:04:50] Breaking my leg and bungee jumping in South Africa.

[00:04:52] All those stories that just make me, I read them again and I don't get tired of reading them.

[00:04:56] They just make me laugh and go, you know what?

[00:04:58] I've had a fucking amazing life, as bad as it is.

[00:05:01] But now I have had a life that if I had to leave it all over again, I would be happy to have the same experiences.

[00:05:08] I thought I was going to have a boring, the most obscure life of any person ever alive.

[00:05:13] Because I was just a very ordinary, just very obscure person growing up.

[00:05:17] And that's the dark side leading into the funny side.

[00:05:20] The books are all very funny.

[00:05:21] And then we get to the other side, which was the element of the work I do with final quote patients and TBI patients.

[00:05:30] Where I hate calling myself the world's leading expert.

[00:05:36] Not on TBI, understanding TBI, but I'm the world's leading expert on helping those patients recover back walking and getting their function again.

[00:05:44] I have had miraculous success with patients that have already been through the best rehab clinics in the US.

[00:05:50] I just went up to see a kid.

[00:05:53] I left the country for a week.

[00:05:54] See a kid that's family spent $2 million and two and a half years on his rehab.

[00:05:59] Couldn't stand up, couldn't walk.

[00:06:01] I'm there a week.

[00:06:02] Got him standing up, standing by himself.

[00:06:04] Got him starting to walk.

[00:06:06] And the family is still carrying on.

[00:06:07] And it just took me a week.

[00:06:08] Wow, that is awesome.

[00:06:09] And how can we connect your rehab experiences with helping all these people?

[00:06:14] With trying to rehab, since you've been divorced twice.

[00:06:17] Trying to rehab men into healing from divorce.

[00:06:21] What's the, is there a connection there?

[00:06:24] You find something that you are passionate about.

[00:06:29] Sure.

[00:06:30] In a rather sick way.

[00:06:31] I am passionate about being angry about what's happened to me.

[00:06:34] I am, my son being taken to me is, there's nothing worse that could happen.

[00:06:41] I've been dead three times, had to be resuscitated after a massive car accident in Los Angeles.

[00:06:45] I've had guns pointed in my face.

[00:06:47] I've had near-death experiences.

[00:06:50] None of them come close to the experience of having lived 14 years without my son to be able to be his father.

[00:06:57] And that anger fuels me to go out and be angry about what's done to all these patients where no one has bothered to, to make any effort to help them.

[00:07:07] My problem could be solved to see my kid with one judge picking up a fucking pen and writing, signing his name at the bottom of one of the seven requests I've had to be able to see my son in court.

[00:07:19] All he has to do is sign it.

[00:07:20] Yeah, he's allowed to go and see his dad.

[00:07:22] Can't get a fucking judge to do it.

[00:07:24] 14 years.

[00:07:25] Can't get a judge to put in that much effort.

[00:07:28] Okay?

[00:07:28] I live for the moment that I have a judge or a lawyer call me and say, hey, my son's got a TBI or you seem to be the only person who knows what he's doing.

[00:07:36] And I get to say, go fuck yourself.

[00:07:39] I'm living for that moment.

[00:07:41] My anger is me holding me on that someone who has done me wrong is going to need me.

[00:07:47] And I get to fucking go, mate, I have been, I put all this evidence in with patients right now just for that fuck you moment.

[00:07:55] And I encourage you guys, be angry.

[00:07:58] If being angry and that makes you, moves you forward and gets you to get things done, then do it.

[00:08:02] I know a lot of people are like, no, love and goodness and whatever.

[00:08:05] I'm on the opposite side of the spectrum.

[00:08:07] I use my hate and my anger to get things done.

[00:08:10] I'm a big proponent of leaning into the anger.

[00:08:12] Use the anger, use the negativity to go forward.

[00:08:16] And I actually got a present for you.

[00:08:17] I'm going to send it to you.

[00:08:18] I have a PDF book I wrote and it's called It's Okay to Hate the Ex.

[00:08:28] I'll send you a copy of my book, My Second Life, One Man's Inspirational Story.

[00:08:32] I'll be happy to do an exchange.

[00:08:36] Oh, yeah.

[00:08:36] And you'll read it and you'll be as pissed off as I am by the time you get to the end.

[00:08:40] You'll be like, I can't believe the shit this guy's been through.

[00:08:42] Oh, yeah.

[00:08:43] And I want men to go out there and to experience their emotions because we're from that time set where don't cry, don't be a pussy, don't do that.

[00:08:53] But, man, you got to cry.

[00:08:55] You got to get pissed.

[00:08:56] You got to get angry.

[00:08:58] You have to show your emotions.

[00:09:00] So what do you think about that?

[00:09:01] Yeah, 100%.

[00:09:02] I wear my heart on my sleeve.

[00:09:04] Always have.

[00:09:05] I could break down in this interview and start bawling my eyes out.

[00:09:07] I've broken down in public places after going to Brazil to see my anniversary being told by me, like, get the fuck out of the country.

[00:09:15] You're going to be arrested and thrown in jail for the rest of your life.

[00:09:17] She's filed another case against you.

[00:09:19] She's lied.

[00:09:20] And I have gone down there with all the hope in the world of seeing my child.

[00:09:25] And then that's how easy it is.

[00:09:26] Make up a story.

[00:09:27] Go and find a judge who goes, yeah, I'll agree with this.

[00:09:32] And next thing you know, your life is – and knowing how frigging hard it is, and I've got an impossible task because it's a fucking third world basket case country that I'm dealing with.

[00:09:44] And so I'd probably cry every morning just like going through my head.

[00:09:48] It's a circle.

[00:09:49] If I do this, then this will happen, then they'll do that.

[00:09:51] It just keeps going around.

[00:09:53] It's the old saying.

[00:09:54] If you go to court and cry, oh, your point is like an unstable father.

[00:09:58] If you go to court and you stand and you show no emotion, I'll look how uncaring.

[00:10:01] Yeah, then you're a dick.

[00:10:02] You can't lose.

[00:10:04] So I am very loud and very outspoken.

[00:10:07] I don't give a fuck what you think of me, mate.

[00:10:09] This is who I am.

[00:10:10] I will die for my fucking kid.

[00:10:12] If you're not the same, I laugh at you.

[00:10:15] If you can't sit here and go, shit, that's the type of father, I would be – honestly, I would love to bail up some judge.

[00:10:24] You don't think I'm a good father?

[00:10:25] Father, let me fucking show you how fucking amazing of a father I am.

[00:10:28] And I don't even get to be a father.

[00:10:30] I can't even imagine how good a father I would have been if I'd actually been allowed to see my son, which I hadn't been allowed.

[00:10:35] I spent my life dreaming of this moment, planning since I was a little boy because my dad is so amazing.

[00:10:40] I hold him in the highest frigging of steam.

[00:10:43] Everything I've done in my life, everything I do now is all because basically – like I said, be the best you can be, whatever you are.

[00:10:49] And if you're not the very best, still be the best that you can be.

[00:10:52] You know?

[00:10:53] What are some – so other than leaning into the books and healing people, what are some other healthy coping mechanisms that you've done for self-care?

[00:11:03] Because you've got to take care of yourself.

[00:11:04] If you don't –

[00:11:05] I love – when I worked in a hospital, my boss would at times like – when was the last time we went for a run?

[00:11:13] Go home.

[00:11:14] I want you to send me a snapshot of you being on the treadmill three times, at least three times this week.

[00:11:19] I've exercised, as it is for everyone.

[00:11:22] I can tell the moments where I haven't been exercising.

[00:11:24] I've gone out.

[00:11:24] And so I always try to exercise, swim, erg, cycle, run.

[00:11:30] I've had surgeries.

[00:11:31] I've screwed up my shoulder.

[00:11:32] And I've just had to find some other way to keep active.

[00:11:35] That is mammothly important.

[00:11:38] And if you're not an active person and you're going through divorce, then become an active person because that's the change that you can make.

[00:11:44] And even if you're like me, even if it's walking the dogs, as I told you, walk my dog 15 minutes every morning and I'll have the world to end during that 15 minutes.

[00:11:52] But I'm by myself.

[00:11:54] It's only my dogs that are like scared shitless of me because I'm ranting and talking under my breath and they're wondering what they're doing.

[00:11:59] But that exercise moment is a time I can be aligned with my thoughts.

[00:12:04] I can process everything and just sweat it all out of me.

[00:12:08] And it is like magic.

[00:12:09] It is like magic.

[00:12:11] I've got a good question for you.

[00:12:13] Which travel mishap taught you to laugh at yourself?

[00:12:16] And how can that perspective help others going through tough times?

[00:12:22] Out of all your travels, what was the one that made you laugh at yourself and say, hey, wait a minute?

[00:12:30] No, that one I didn't laugh at the end of it.

[00:12:34] That's my second life.

[00:12:35] And that's in the second half of that book.

[00:12:37] There's no laughing in the second half of that book.

[00:12:39] Maybe the one where I was in Thailand.

[00:12:40] I was supposed to, I went to Hong Kong.

[00:12:42] A couple of mates of mine, long story I'll cut short, I ended up being in Hong Kong to play rugby in a prestigious tournament.

[00:12:49] There's a sevens tournament that's every year that's the professional high-level athletes.

[00:12:52] And then there's a 10th tournament, which are the guys who aren't professional but are still just as good, who play in a 10th tournament a couple of days before.

[00:12:59] And I am a fucking terrible player.

[00:13:01] I'm slow.

[00:13:02] I'm not particularly skillful.

[00:13:04] I've got a big heart.

[00:13:05] But I don't have the tools to back up what I can think of the game.

[00:13:09] But I somehow managed to whore onto this team from Japan of expats who went and they said, yeah, come and play with us.

[00:13:17] And afterwards, I was supposed to go to Bali for a week before I go back to Australia.

[00:13:22] Get right up to the airport.

[00:13:23] You don't have six months left on your passport.

[00:13:25] You need six months to go to Indonesia.

[00:13:26] You need to go back to stay in Hong Kong.

[00:13:29] I'm like, it's too expensive.

[00:13:30] I'm not going to afford here.

[00:13:32] Please just send me anywhere.

[00:13:33] I don't give a crap.

[00:13:34] So they said, OK, I'll transfer the flight to Phuket.

[00:13:37] So I ended up being in Phuket.

[00:13:39] And everyone in Phuket sees a white single guy there by himself.

[00:13:41] You're here for the hookers.

[00:13:43] And I'm like, that's the last thing I freaking want.

[00:13:45] So I spent a week avoiding going to Bangalore and the hookers.

[00:13:48] But everyone who sees me, that's all they ask.

[00:13:50] Breakfast.

[00:13:51] You had breakfast.

[00:13:51] Oh, how was Bangalore last night?

[00:13:53] I don't know.

[00:13:54] I've never been.

[00:13:54] I'm not going.

[00:13:55] Just leave me alone.

[00:13:56] And I caught up with these English guys, these other English guys.

[00:13:59] So again, mutual connections through rugby.

[00:14:01] We go watch a game, having a few drinks.

[00:14:04] Night ends.

[00:14:05] All right.

[00:14:05] See you later.

[00:14:06] Oh, we're all going to Bangalore for a drink.

[00:14:08] Come and join us.

[00:14:08] I'm like, crap.

[00:14:09] I can't pussy out now.

[00:14:11] There'll be a laughingstock.

[00:14:12] Word will go back to my mates in Los Angeles.

[00:14:14] Oh, couldn't go to Bangalore Road, you pussy.

[00:14:16] OK, I'll go with you.

[00:14:17] So we're at Bangalore at the bar just drinking.

[00:14:20] And I go off to take a slash at the toilet.

[00:14:23] Come back.

[00:14:24] Some girl takes a fancy to me and says, hi, hi.

[00:14:28] And I'm like, no, no.

[00:14:29] It's not interested, but nice.

[00:14:31] And she follows me back to the bar where I am with all the English guys.

[00:14:35] Next thing I'm getting a tap on the shoulder from the manager of the bar where she is.

[00:14:39] And there's a rule in Thailand.

[00:14:42] They're like all the brothels are essentially bars side by side.

[00:14:46] And girls are committed to those particular bars.

[00:14:49] You know, you can't just go where everyone.

[00:14:50] You are assigned to a bar.

[00:14:52] You're contracted to a bar.

[00:14:53] I don't know.

[00:14:54] And this girl followed me to another bar.

[00:14:55] And the rule is you have to pay a bar fine.

[00:14:57] If you want to take a girl to another bar, you have to pay a bar fine to the original owner of the girl or however they think it is.

[00:15:04] It's almost like a bus transfer.

[00:15:06] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:15:07] There you go.

[00:15:09] Step your ticket and you can get on the next ride.

[00:15:12] So this guy stopped me on the shoulder.

[00:15:13] I was like, you need to pay the bar fine.

[00:15:14] And I'm like, for what?

[00:15:16] I'm like going because this girl's, you know, you've taken this.

[00:15:18] I didn't take it.

[00:15:19] She followed me, mate.

[00:15:19] That's a big effing difference.

[00:15:21] And all the English guys, like you've had the experience before.

[00:15:23] Oh, yeah, it's on.

[00:15:24] And they're all sort of like gathering around me.

[00:15:26] And all across all the locals who are out there having a good time, they're forming their own sort of backup behind the bar manager.

[00:15:32] So it was all these English guys on one side.

[00:15:34] And boom, it just gets into this massive big riot and brawl inside the water.

[00:15:39] And I just jump over the bar and I'm carrying behind the bar like going, fucking not my fault.

[00:15:44] And managed to sneak out and get away and went back to my hotel.

[00:15:48] And that was the title of one of my books, How to Start a Riot in a Brothel When You Order a Beer and Other Less than Troubleships.

[00:15:54] A freaking bus pass.

[00:15:54] And that's what made me go, how fucking dumb and naive are I that I could get myself into a situation that's that stupid?

[00:16:01] And it made me go, but you know what, I feel, I laugh about it and go, you know what, it's just one of those things that I go, my life is being stupid, crazy and whatever.

[00:16:13] But I need to laugh about that stuff so that I can deal with the crap I'm still going through now.

[00:16:18] Oh, man.

[00:16:19] So your work with rehabilitation is incredibly inspiring.

[00:16:22] What drives you to help others reclaim their lives after setbacks, similar to recovering from divorce?

[00:16:30] The fact that no one pays people any attention and no one cares.

[00:16:36] And the situation with, I'm sure that's what every divorced person feels like, even those who don't have their kids abducted.

[00:16:42] But I've got that on steroids with the fact that I can't get a single fucker in the legal system or a person in the government or a person in the State Department to give a rat's ass about the fact that my kid was taken to another country and I'm not even allowed to see him.

[00:16:57] And the law there doesn't care and the law here doesn't care.

[00:17:02] And so my son is caught in the middle of just people who don't care.

[00:17:05] And so here's a great example for you.

[00:17:08] So this guy here, who young husband fell out of a tree, hit his head, severe brain injury, declared brain dead, and family told you nothing can be done to help him.

[00:17:24] We're sorry.

[00:17:25] Unplug him.

[00:17:26] Let him die.

[00:17:27] Let him go.

[00:17:28] I walk into the room and within 30 seconds I've gone, what the hell are they talking about?

[00:17:33] Four days later.

[00:17:36] He's up.

[00:17:38] Six weeks.

[00:17:40] Six weeks.

[00:17:40] Six weeks of basically being told, yeah, nothing can be done.

[00:17:46] Damn.

[00:17:48] Damn.

[00:17:49] Awesome.

[00:17:51] Okay.

[00:17:51] And the anger that I said, they're going, this is someone's life that has essentially been, how do 15 people, 15 doctors, be that inattentive and miss something that was as simple as paying attention to this guy for 30 seconds?

[00:18:09] Uh-huh.

[00:18:11] Uh-huh.

[00:18:11] And like I say, that anger makes me go, yeah, I may have to break my sweat.

[00:18:15] I may have to break my back to help this guy.

[00:18:19] But I'll do it so that at least there's one person in this fucking world who gives a shit about someone else.

[00:18:26] And hopefully at some point there'll be one person who gives a shit enough about my son's situation who would go, Jesus Christ, how many hundreds of guys has this guy saved that no one else has been able to do anything with?

[00:18:39] And he comes along and suddenly, oh, he's got them moving.

[00:18:43] And no one steps up for him.

[00:18:45] That's the circle that I'm hopefully going to join up one day.

[00:18:50] And it's all just fueled by my desire to go, how could I sit there and go, woe is me when I've done nothing for someone else?

[00:18:58] Every time my phone rings, 24 hours a day, having known what it's like to stand on a balcony and wanting to jump off and needing to call a person just to speak to and literally calling 50 people in all time zones of the world and not have one person pick up.

[00:19:12] And now, I don't think they didn't pick up out of malice or whatever.

[00:19:17] I just think I got fucking a bad piece of luck that everyone I called that day, no one was in a situation because of the time that I just didn't get.

[00:19:28] I didn't know any of my family was picking up.

[00:19:30] And I know my family aren't going, yeah, we don't want to hear from them.

[00:19:34] So I just somehow miss that.

[00:19:36] And yet that one phone, and the more phone calls that weren't picked up, the worse I got.

[00:19:40] It's just like no one cares.

[00:19:42] And as you do, you just keep on plugging away.

[00:19:44] I'll call another person.

[00:19:44] I'll call, I've got to find someone.

[00:19:46] So having felt what that was like, that desperate, every time my phone rings, I don't care if it's a scammer.

[00:19:51] They call me two in the morning, I'm answering the phone.

[00:19:52] Yep, just in case.

[00:19:54] It's one of my mates.

[00:19:54] He just goes, mate, I just need to speak to someone.

[00:19:57] I know a guy in Los Angeles, an old roommate of mine, who when I moved into his house, he basically said, yeah.

[00:20:05] Two weeks ago, one of my best friends died and he'd committed suicide.

[00:20:09] And he'd called me on that night and I didn't answer the phone.

[00:20:13] And he looked at me and he said, so that doesn't make me a bad person, right?

[00:20:18] And I was looking at him and said, mate, it makes you an absolute fucking cunt.

[00:20:20] And you're going to live with that for the rest of your fucking life.

[00:20:22] He just wanted someone to talk to.

[00:20:24] And you couldn't pick up the phone.

[00:20:25] You didn't know he was going to give me a story.

[00:20:27] But you're just like, oh, I just couldn't be bothered.

[00:20:29] I'm always bothered.

[00:20:31] It's that simple.

[00:20:33] You know?

[00:20:37] How hard is it just to be there for someone else?

[00:20:40] 24 hours a day.

[00:20:41] If I could one day again need it.

[00:20:42] And I've got friends who tell me all the time, mate, call us at any time.

[00:20:46] Call us at any time.

[00:20:47] We know what it's like.

[00:20:48] Sometimes they see a Facebook post of mine.

[00:20:50] And they're like, I'm getting fake.

[00:20:51] Mate, call us.

[00:20:52] Are you okay?

[00:20:52] And I'm like, mate, it was just my sixth sense of humor on this day.

[00:20:55] I'm sorry I got people scared.

[00:20:56] But I'm very lucky in that regard.

[00:20:58] I have an amazing group of friends.

[00:20:59] And my watch name for the rest of the world is, I say, the same thing.

[00:21:02] If anyone needed me, and even if it's a complete stranger, shit, I'll be there.

[00:21:06] So let's talk about that.

[00:21:08] Tell my guys out there how important a support system is.

[00:21:14] A lot of people try to do it by themselves.

[00:21:16] I am doing it.

[00:21:17] I am in another country.

[00:21:18] When I went, my ex-wife who took off with my son moved me from California to Miami, where, again, I was away from my friends and people I knew here.

[00:21:30] All part of the plan.

[00:21:31] It's the playbook to go, okay, we can isolate him.

[00:21:33] And the same thing happened when I moved to Brazil and lived with her and her family in Brazil.

[00:21:36] They isolated me and beat me down and made me depressed.

[00:21:40] And it was a horrible experience.

[00:21:42] And I was too well brought up by my dad to think, again, see the best in them.

[00:21:49] All people are good.

[00:21:52] So I still pursued the marriage with her, even though I've actually said I need to get away from these people.

[00:21:58] I've made a huge mistake.

[00:21:59] I still wanted to believe in the good.

[00:22:02] But without your support system, I am so lucky I'm still alive because I don't have my support system around.

[00:22:08] And my support system is in Australia and Los Angeles.

[00:22:11] And now, thankfully, I'm with a new partner who is on her own, is an amazing support system.

[00:22:16] All the stuff I do with patients, despite I've been doing it for 30 years, I wouldn't have gotten close to what I've accomplished in the last two years without her going, wow, you're amazing.

[00:22:25] That's amazing.

[00:22:26] And I'm like, you really think so?

[00:22:27] Yeah.

[00:22:28] I've never heard of it.

[00:22:30] She pushed me up.

[00:22:30] And to think having my second marriage, she did that for a while, but she had her own problems.

[00:22:35] And so eventually she started tearing me down.

[00:22:37] But to be with someone now, I don't know that I've ever been with someone who's lifted me up like this.

[00:22:42] It's an amazing experience.

[00:22:44] So I can't sit there and say, no, abandon women altogether because the right person is amazing.

[00:22:51] So let's talk about hope.

[00:22:53] You just brought that up.

[00:22:55] I got remarried about a year ago, and I never thought I'd do it again.

[00:23:01] I was in a dark place.

[00:23:02] I was in a dark place.

[00:23:03] Speak to my guys out there about hope.

[00:23:06] Don't give up hope in anything.

[00:23:09] Yeah.

[00:23:10] Okay, let's go through the don't give up hope and then got kicked in the face yet again.

[00:23:14] Oh, yeah.

[00:23:16] So that leads to the point of being with the girl right now.

[00:23:19] So second divorce in Miami, parted on amiable terms.

[00:23:23] She has two stepkids that I love and adore that were probably the reason, despite some

[00:23:29] of the red flags that made me attract to her.

[00:23:32] I wanted to be a father figure.

[00:23:33] I wanted to have a family.

[00:23:34] I loved her kids.

[00:23:35] Hopefully they love me back, even though the mother and I don't get on when we're together.

[00:23:40] She doesn't lift me up.

[00:23:41] She tears me down as a way of building herself up.

[00:23:43] And because of my situation with my son, this is a bad situation.

[00:23:46] I can't handle your outburst.

[00:23:48] I'm going to sit here and just take it.

[00:23:49] And you're going to push me down so far that I'm just going to wipe me out.

[00:23:53] So I think it's best that we just split.

[00:23:55] So we split on amiable terms.

[00:23:58] Then a girl that I had dated for a week in Los Angeles that I thought was the one that

[00:24:02] got away.

[00:24:02] It's 27 years ago.

[00:24:04] We had reconnected.

[00:24:06] And I got a call from her one night.

[00:24:08] She's moved from Belgium back to living in Sarasota.

[00:24:11] So just crossed the state.

[00:24:13] I've just got word I've got an aneurysm in my brain.

[00:24:15] I need to have a surgery.

[00:24:16] Could you please come and be there for the surgery?

[00:24:18] You're the only person that I trust, even though I've known you for a week from 27 years ago.

[00:24:23] That was the type of...

[00:24:25] She found me because she divorced the guy.

[00:24:28] She spent 15 years looking for me from that one week that we had dated in Los Angeles.

[00:24:34] She eventually tracked me out from some guy that has the same name and Australian and a

[00:24:39] few things in Los Angeles who I happened to know.

[00:24:41] He contacted me.

[00:24:42] So we got reconnected.

[00:24:43] I went over.

[00:24:44] She went to have surgery.

[00:24:46] We were like, I think there's something here for us.

[00:24:48] You're the one that got away from me.

[00:24:50] And she's like, yeah, you're the one that got away from me.

[00:24:51] So I packed everything up, moved over to live with her in Sarasota.

[00:24:56] Four months later, I couldn't get the fuck out of that door fast enough.

[00:25:00] It was...

[00:25:01] And it was...

[00:25:02] I said it was...

[00:25:03] In two months, it was great.

[00:25:05] And suddenly in two months, it was like...

[00:25:06] I was like, oh my God, this went south so bad.

[00:25:09] And it's not...

[00:25:10] I don't think that I'm doing...

[00:25:11] It was just...

[00:25:12] Again, I got...

[00:25:14] I got blamed for everything.

[00:25:15] Everything was...

[00:25:16] And I was like going...

[00:25:17] And I just sit there and take it.

[00:25:18] I left that house and thought, yeah, I rediscovered myself a little bit with a trip with a neighbor.

[00:25:24] We went on an RV trip from Chicago back down to Sarasota.

[00:25:27] Seeing the country again, knowing I love how much I love travel.

[00:25:30] You know what?

[00:25:30] Yeah.

[00:25:30] What am I doing with...

[00:25:31] Well, I need to get back out there and be me again.

[00:25:33] And write my books and talk about all the fun experiences that I have.

[00:25:37] So I went out on a date after I left.

[00:25:39] And I was like, just to go out on a date and didn't think, yeah, there's nothing of it.

[00:25:42] Just some sort of social activity.

[00:25:44] And met the girl that I'm now living with.

[00:25:46] And it just blossomed out of fucking nowhere.

[00:25:50] And I sat there thought going, yeah, I don't want to be with anyone ever again.

[00:25:53] I had that after the first divorce.

[00:25:54] I didn't know if I want to be with someone.

[00:25:55] I didn't know if I want to be with someone who has a kid.

[00:25:57] I didn't know if I want to be with someone who wants to have a kid.

[00:25:59] I didn't know if I want to be with someone who doesn't want to have kids.

[00:26:01] I didn't know what I...

[00:26:02] You're all over the place.

[00:26:04] What I wanted.

[00:26:04] So I was like dating just to see, geez, find out what I wanted to do.

[00:26:09] I wonder, maybe I just want to be single.

[00:26:11] And that's what I was certain of.

[00:26:12] After the effort with this love of the life that went south, I was like, no, I definitely

[00:26:15] want to be single.

[00:26:16] I've got a couple of friends who are devout single on a group.

[00:26:19] Half of us are married.

[00:26:21] I'm living in sin with one girl.

[00:26:22] The other half are married.

[00:26:23] The other 49% are single permanently.

[00:26:26] And we just can all talk like men can about the same shit.

[00:26:30] And we all laugh at each other.

[00:26:31] Yeah, you're single.

[00:26:32] I'm married.

[00:26:32] Ha ha.

[00:26:34] And they were always like, yep, you're going to get married again.

[00:26:37] We know it.

[00:26:37] I'm like, nah, I'm in the single group for certain now.

[00:26:40] So they're all laughing at us off.

[00:26:42] Yeah.

[00:26:43] And I believed it.

[00:26:44] I believed it.

[00:26:45] And she, like I said, she was that freaking amazing that I'm like going, I can't imagine

[00:26:52] what my life would be without you.

[00:26:54] Now, in fact, it would be 10 times worse.

[00:26:56] Because as I say, in the last two years has been the most calming and the best two years

[00:27:01] of my life.

[00:27:02] Wow.

[00:27:02] That's awesome.

[00:27:03] There is that chance that, and I can tell you, I still have a lot of shit I'm carrying

[00:27:08] every single day.

[00:27:09] And I have to, I can tell you, again, from the marriage story, it's an injury story.

[00:27:17] The type of shit that you don't want people to see.

[00:27:19] And I've told him all the time, like, give me everything.

[00:27:23] I want to see everything of you.

[00:27:24] No, you don't.

[00:27:25] No, you don't.

[00:27:27] I have something so broken inside of me from what I was saying.

[00:27:32] You do not want to see those moments when I can't control it.

[00:27:36] Because I am, I say, as much as I love people to want to help them, I want everybody on

[00:27:41] this fucking planet dead.

[00:27:43] Nothing would make me happier.

[00:27:44] Me included.

[00:27:45] Not that I want the humanity wiped out.

[00:27:48] Total annihilation.

[00:27:49] Total annihilation.

[00:27:50] I've read about it.

[00:27:51] I'm like, oh, no, that'll never happen to me.

[00:27:52] I believe.

[00:27:53] 15 minutes every day.

[00:27:54] I want total annihilation.

[00:27:55] That would bring me such a joy and such happiness.

[00:27:58] Let's close this up today.

[00:27:59] Man, this has been interesting.

[00:28:01] So interesting.

[00:28:02] So you have, I give you the floor.

[00:28:06] You've got three things I tell my guys over 40.

[00:28:09] What are the three tidbits that you want to convey to them?

[00:28:13] Out of this whole podcast.

[00:28:17] Yeah.

[00:28:18] You're not alone.

[00:28:20] It's shitty.

[00:28:22] Going through a divorce.

[00:28:23] It is.

[00:28:24] I wanted to be married once and just like my parents.

[00:28:26] I wanted to be in love and just have a family and just be normal.

[00:28:31] And not be laughed at us.

[00:28:34] You carry it around.

[00:28:35] I'm the guy, not only divorced, I've had my kid taken from me.

[00:28:39] And you can't shake it.

[00:28:42] But there's lots of us out there.

[00:28:44] And so you're not alone.

[00:28:46] And it's fucking okay.

[00:28:47] It's probably the least of your problems.

[00:28:50] Be more worried about your health.

[00:28:51] Quick fucking, another quick story out of the blue.

[00:28:55] I have a partner that I bought some property with.

[00:28:58] 57 years age, same age as me.

[00:29:00] Just got a text.

[00:29:01] He's on life support in the fucking hospital.

[00:29:04] Went to dinner.

[00:29:05] Something blew inside his body.

[00:29:09] He's on respite care.

[00:29:10] His best mate is flying in from Wisconsin.

[00:29:12] They don't think he's going to make it a couple of days.

[00:29:14] Wow.

[00:29:15] I spoke with him two weeks ago.

[00:29:17] We just signed a contract on buying a building together.

[00:29:20] And we're all excited, happy.

[00:29:21] A week later, he's now.

[00:29:24] So that life is precious and life can go.

[00:29:27] Oh yeah, it can be short.

[00:29:28] I don't know how that plays into what I'm up to, two or three things.

[00:29:30] But be angry.

[00:29:32] Try to get over it as fast as you can and get on with your life.

[00:29:35] And there is a chance, whether it be another person, whether it be, like I say, doing something

[00:29:40] I've never thought of doing, writing books about just my life.

[00:29:43] I'm not intelligent or creative enough to write fantasy books or murder mysteries or whatever

[00:29:49] or maybe play chess or just go and do something that you love and just go put yourself, throw

[00:29:56] yourself in and say, I love doing it.

[00:29:57] It's okay just to do things for yourself.

[00:30:00] God, if your marriage went south, probably you found out that you were pushed away from

[00:30:05] your friends and doing things that you want.

[00:30:07] Don't go out with your mates and drink on a Thursday night.

[00:30:09] Don't go out and play rugby.

[00:30:10] Don't go out and sing karaoke.

[00:30:11] Don't go out and do the things that you love doing.

[00:30:14] It's your fucking life.

[00:30:15] Go enjoy it.

[00:30:16] I was isolated.

[00:30:18] I had felt that being taken away from me.

[00:30:20] I wasn't smart enough to realize it.

[00:30:22] And it took me a while to re-embrace it.

[00:30:25] But now I do with both hands.

[00:30:28] I'm happy about it.

[00:30:29] That keeps me sane.

[00:30:32] All right, Simon.

[00:30:34] You have been one interesting podcast, my friend.

[00:30:39] Wait till you see the title on this one.

[00:30:41] That's all I got to say.

[00:30:42] How can they find your books?

[00:30:44] Or how can I get a hold of you?

[00:30:46] Do you have a website?

[00:30:47] No, I don't.

[00:30:48] I'm not technically whatever.

[00:30:51] It's skillful.

[00:30:52] I can save someone, get someone walking.

[00:30:54] He's got a TBI, but I couldn't fucking turn on the computer.

[00:30:56] Can I just put your email at the bottom of the show notes?

[00:31:00] Yeah.

[00:31:00] Okay.

[00:31:02] But Amazon, Simon Yeats, my primary book about my...

[00:31:06] It's got a few travel stories about my life.

[00:31:09] But yeah, I like remaining a little bit anonymous.

[00:31:12] I live in a small little town.

[00:31:13] Just the peace and tranquility of it.

[00:31:15] I don't know how fast I am.

[00:31:17] If I get in and out with people, it may set me off like a nuclear explosion.

[00:31:20] Oh, that's okay.

[00:31:22] Simon, I appreciate you taking the time to talk to us, me and my men.

[00:31:26] And hold on the line here.

[00:31:28] Thank you.

[00:31:28] Thank you.

[00:31:29] Thank you.